portrait of this writer, who doth re joyce

byte size motley fool toot tease - blow'n his horn 

eye shoe hoop ya find humor sans the following prose, an abortive childhood faux pas o this boomer. whoa mama, papa, bro and sistah. u iz hot wit dat, lemme pray u also find da following funny a lot er or mebbe not. wow - what most radiant count tin ants. compare you to the following ever so slight exaggerated description of me.

FICTIONAL BIO:™ 

A written account (that incorporates some self directed hyperbole) of this veritable stranger now appears before your screen.

Soon after reading this message, the neighbors might discern a blood boiling, curdling, deafening, et cetera hysterical series of (hyena-like) shrieking titters, ss, hysterics, guffaws, chortles, et cetera.

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Laugh response = a sought after compliment. No worry against causing irreparable harm to this steely (dan hush) iron clad psyche.

That would just be the mating call of the hairy Harris mama bear. Ready! Set! Click!

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A scary reflection greets me whenever I summon up enough steely courage to take a sneak peek into the mirror.

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Before the spider lines start to appear across the shiny surface and subsequent cracks and fissures dissolve the glassy surface these deux hazel colored, myopic bespectacled eyes quickly absorb a most frightful countenance and visage.

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That near legendary and trademark feature of longish, wavy and brown straggly hair seems to fill the entire non pay per view.

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This clear complexioned dude hides his face among avant (to suck your blood) figurative hirsute non dreadful locks trademark. this natural hair essential for optimal function of major bodily systems, especially  regularly moving bowels of this soundgarden rhapsodic bohemian..

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As a  genetic hybrid (via a suck sex full bang up job but tween mull hate mum, and octogenarian widower papa) proffered an ample (never combed and rarely washed - Suez to preserve the scalp pulled whig gush wooly mammoth follicles atop pate) mop top resembling uber stair lyft to heaven.

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Thine indigenous dominant traits comprise chromosomal flecks of Cro-Magnon, Neolithic, non-every-man style swiftly tail lord sacks fifth haven hues (interspersed with silver follicles indicative of acquired worry), per fighting off garden variety prehistoric creature).

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The casual observer can aptly, rapidly, immediately discern a brutish, nasty and short proto-human with a high forehead, which allows, enables and provides more skin surface to bang against the wall when frustrated.

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My somewhat outsize ears and longish neck (I swear exist, which contrary to popular myth never seen by living persons) support this egg shaped (fried or scrambled some might argue) head.

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A mostly flat and hairless bulbous abdominal zone attests to a regular regimen of deplorably futile, hopelessly jello like, navel protruding, roly-poly tire treaded ugly vulgar wiggly yikyak zany adipose tissue  (despite hours of self-concocted) chest-pounding routine tuff Latin this eyesore.

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Exercise (as well as meditation) a vital part of my daily program to deal with the ordinary stresses of primitive existence.

Raw coffee beans happens to be the sole vice, which exotic brews provide that helpful jumpstart.

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Yea, i even some stoke some up me nose for good measure found days, weeks, months...as a quite putrid treasure, when life and limb threatened sans imminent danger from thy most fierce-some, loathsome, ruthless species.

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I sometimes even chump on the cup to keep these few buck teeth sharp. This tidbit of irrelevancy invalid asper this invalid with upper set of dentures.

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Now to that locale known as the rum pull stilts skin.

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Although the unseen forces of biology and genetics dealt me an itsy bitsy, tiny tushy (which serves as the but for fellow Apes to taunt and tease) such anatomical feature offers little value as the worthiness of sexual prowess.

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This palm pilot sized gluteus Maximus offers one benefit.

Ease to squeeze into tight spaces without getting stuck.

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This tiny tushy accompanied by a vestigial and teeny-weensy Weiner schnitzel of a phallus, which undersized cock a doodle do bulges into an erectile state within shooting distance of that coveted warm, wet and wooly private world property of each and every woman.

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A pair of skinny (flamingo like) legs (covered in a adequate hair) now completes this general character sketch.

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Does this suffice?

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After attempting to envision some vague essential apparition or near facsimile of what barely passes muster as a Caucasian male, I wonder if you happen to be less or more favorably disposed toward some healthy interaction of body, mind and spirit.

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If not yourself, I wonder if you know if any local cave woman?

Maybe great ape as yourself to make grunting noises with me?

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Now if you would politely excuse me, I MUST scavenge for some berries, exotic tree bark or stray small and wild game so me frenemies, gremlins, hobgoblins, imps of the pervert  will not be a cannibal for eating me.

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Contact me via banging rocks (that signal an abba sill lute bone a fide ambition for carousing, frolicking, inducing loving overtures strung together with bits n pieces of flotsam and jetsam) in accordance with asap, bbb, cadcom, daca, epa, fema, oh sha....

okay?