Fear Of Rhea: John L. Rabbits

     Who knew, when this narrating carrot top happened to be just a wind blown spore sized seed, that the gentle hand of Mother Nature would guard thy seedy brethren and me?

     This farmer took painstaking measures and planted this barely visible speck (along with his dust mote size brethren) within a shallow trough.       

     No mater the gulley just a mere scratch mark, the faith in said agronomist promised full maturity against any adversity to produce beefy, hardy and juicy strapping spike ship (rather phallic) shaped specimens.

     Anyway, this fault in the stars fandango Kaplanuniversity alumni and kickstarter avid rabbit reader - reddit (re: the 50 shades of gray omens), which from afar outlook whatsapp paired as an innocuous ipsy instagram (done up in faux couture) in actuality (the flickr ring fickle finger of fate would foretell) more closely comprised a fierce some foursquare size fingerhut match maker tramping the trappings thus far a tentative Setanhall qua statefarm fairgrounds, where tender legalzoom ming jetblue enterprise went awry. 

     The Campbellsoup conglomerate and manufacturers of progressive non GMO gluten free fancyfeast established their legacy headquarters within this heavenly haven that offered a breath-taking verizon originally settled by Norwegian bachelor homesteader's.

     Upon said long abandoned tumblr down weed strewn prairie (where home companions tilled the land from countless generations) arose this stark spate splotch desecrating the expansive biglot.

One could evince a bleak outlook from within the safeway offered from vine-strewn hollows. 

     Promulgations pronounced and presaged fast approach of powder-horn protruding Prometheus prowling predators perching progressive lee atop steads none of which appeared as a Strayer.

     Away off toward the verizon an incursion of capitalone dell dwelling google eyed first heard as a low mumble. Within the flash of a Shutterfly, one after another playboy bunny swore the pact to remain rooted to their species viz as codified in the legalzoom constitution.

     Each foreign Bing a hotmail donned with gilt coated brass trump pet. 

     Oh, as a side note these strangers actually matriculated and graduated from Swarthmore College. Though impossible to discern at a distance each hotmail ranked as prodigy, now closing in the distance toward burrowers and e-traders that cornered the carrot commodity, which said vandal’s jealousy stirred Pinterest to steal said figurative thunder.

     No matter the terrain of Marci Playground (so named in remembrance of early settler) perilous Pegasus horse and rider did quicken their pace, and mercilessly pounded the parched plain rangeland, the Joyus visage of each shape shifting earthlinked live manwich tattooed hooligan, who sported at least one peirce sing. Akin to a plague of locusts, they swarmed as one oculus humungous bulbous android.

     Analogous as one entire organism, this coalesced composite approximated a symbiotic groupon, (whose huge hued slate held mass in eHarmony) descended like plenti of low cast Harris yahoos sprint ting at the speed of Travelocity from a Pandora box kindle before exiting every cloud.
 
     That blood, sweat and tears per resident occupant would find them to weep what they did sow. Such labor of love (turn into mush doo aboot nothing) would soon be compromised. This haint no bunny matter to laugh about.

     After dialing (the emergency Whatsapp Carrot Top - Doc - a Paul Bunyanesque jolly green and reddish orange giant, who represented linkedin live life line), his earsplitting whistling akin twoo an Uber combination siren and foghorn sound, which excited Avast cacophony rumbling Wunderground. Thence, the sonic boom radiated skyward lighting up this SolarCity first with a flickr. 

     Thence, what took place at Netzero ground next resembled a Compaq Buzzfeed ding allied Firefox biglot. One could envision this amorphous mass on par with elements of style. Albeit, a harried styled and swiftly tailored mashup, where the target market and attired as Versace patrons to be sought vis a vis as lord and tailor invaders blasted, charged and punctuated the atmosphere with sotto voce singers.

     Prior to the gothic hordes devastating incursion (never the likes witnessed of even the oldest Rabbi T), life, liberty and the pleasures of watching reruns of Bugs Bunny, the blissful innocence forever upended.

Hitherto this day of wreck con ing, the most turbulent and gnawing concerns constituted interpretation of timeless edicts, that wrought divineness amidst each generation. Minor differences to swallow (what the young whippersnappers referred to as car rot) sustained a modicum of discussion.
 

     Cilia as the following bit of olds wives tale may be dismissed as nothing but difficult to swallow and unpalatable bunkum, horse manure, poppycock, et cetera, an irrefutable rumor prevailed for countless generations (bred from some underground grass roots movement), that the hands of said planter possessed magical healing powers that could ward off any threat.

     These incursions could include deadly germs, draught, or dog gone hungry predators.

     Thus when gently cradled with seeded siblings and swaddled by a thin blanket of top of the line nutrient rich soil, a deep seated, genetic gravity toward shielded against danger imbued within me.

     I presume a similar sentiment similarly experienced by brother and sister pencil point size future carrots.

     This statement claimed from a yet to be vegetating non-vain tuber like plant.

     Fast-forward until the end of growing season.

     As this white whiskered pulpy pop points out at this moment, he remembers back in his earlier days when he frequently stewed over his conical not comical life when a groundswell of panic and/or anxiety toward that burrowing, damn furry, harmlessly jumping, lovably ogling Oryctolagus cuniculus otherwise called the common rabbit.

     Hard to believe, I orange in a lee started life as a barely visible speck!

     Just in the course of a healthy growing season, this former minute nearly microscopic entity developed into quite a pleasing nose cone herbivorous specimen, though modesty restrains me to rattle off an excess of adjectives to describe the fine physique of this modest munch able mealy mouthed morsel!

     Though my existence the epitomy of any ordinary carrot, the natural and man-made dangers got drilled into my cortex from the moment a sprout spring from that black kin décor fleck.

     Matter of fact, the bunch of family members frequently primed and trained in case of a row.

     These practice drills catapulted me (and must likely others in my graduating crop) out of our sense of false security.

     Although just equipped with only a circular reddish trunk, and thus lacking extra limbs to apply defensive maneuvers, the techniques taught to us at the prestigious carrot league school focused on the artfully crafty movements sans wriggling deeper below the top soil in an attempt to thwart thumping hindquarters of one or a group of rabbits. 

     Now tis wise that those once cute bunnies heed thy advice and RUN RABBIT RUN!        

     Ever since firmly anchored in the earth via number silvery tendrils as a young whipper snapper, me dad constantly forewarned me to be on the lookout and take every measure to avoid the likes of Bugs Bunny, Johnny, Kit n Ben Carson, peter cottontail and their motley posse of voracious appetites for destruction.

     At the prime of full-blown young adulthood, and essentially as a grown prized well-rooted stew pen dis crème of the crop nose cone (built superbly sans shaft like), a promising adulthood awaited me.

     Unbeknownst to farmer boyce Harris, this outsize conical vegetable would sprout into quite a handsome inviting healthy snack.

     A thatch of tousled mop top red matted hair epitomized carrot teen years.

 

     So…hear me and listen up, ye hares who house a harem of hungry herbivores!

     Ye aint gettin to sink yaw choppers into me crunchy grate ‘C’ pulp and chamber that secretes savory sweet celluloid!

     I yam not stew peed!

     Over a goblet of fire me deathly hallowed juice will then pots sub lee only grudgingly relent!

     Defense against the well red orange arts prepare this protean plant to avoid pursuits that whet an overly active appetite for suffering a like fate of the late mister potato head!

     At all costs, an orthodox upbringing instilled herculean efforts to steer clear of radical stirring raw bits, which subversive underground posse frequently met a nasty outcome!

      Many accounts repeatedly detail brutish slave labor that often comprised: 1. Tooth fully tack on a faux nose as an ideal abutment to hold up bifocals for an aging frosty the snowman or 2. Never volunteer oneself in role that metes a nasty, brutish and short outcome note chez scarecrow or straw man.

     These innocent furry creatures possessed two sharp front teeth that wrought havoc and rent asunder and turned many a loving defenseless Daucus carota into pet trill like liquefied car rot!