Impossible to Return Home

Nostalgia (writ powerfully circa ~ 2008) powerfully grips (like a vise wound coiled tight) upon the mind when mental and physical debility (and sometimes senility) wrought by ravishes of age force departure from a residence chock a block full of memories. Assaults upon cognizant ability to function and perform daily tasks (rent asunder all psychic strength built and cherished from countless, odds and ends, precious mementoes, and personal belongings filling every nook and cranny) wreak havoc in the abstract and concrete edifices!

Such a scenario happens to be the case with the late Sylvia Zison, which major subject, (and unsuspecting player) of this essay also related to me by marriage. Her youngest daughter Abby happens to be my spouse of almost seven years, whose father (the very late WilliamZison) inadvertently contributed (via demise from living realm from a protracted combination of chronic afflictions) after fifty plus years of marriage, to wretched woes felt by his wife. Although not necessarily a sudden and unexpected death, (whence corporeal being reclaimed by terra firma), such cessation of existence (akin to the final passage inscribed in our individually custom made book of life) represents end of mortal journey into the beyond. Death (despite such expectation and prediction) still issued grievous impact and even now (approaching fourth anniversary of conscious termination) undermines capacity aforementioned matriarch to escape and shake off the micky mantle of suffering from most severe loss and currently witnessed by serious depression.

The next eldest sibling (Octavia Lamb), who resides in Gap, Pennsylvania, the principal caretaker of said mother in law, whose frail health and vulnerable emotional state (at nearly eighty years old) require constant attention and vigilance.

Plaintive pleas regularly voiced to occupy her former demesne! The sad truth of the matter? Lack of necessary faculties prevent the freedom to leave assisted living community, an arrangement representing perhaps an equally unhappy setting (which intermittent riffs) arise from cramped quarters and exorbitant cost and move back into said domicile, the dwelling at 1148 Greentree Lane, Narberth, Pennsylvania, 19072 currently housing kith hitherto identified as Harris clan.

Helplessness (on my part) touched me to the quick and prompted an attempt to build a composition based on this theme (departure from safety and security of hearth imposed either by travails of gerontological processes or biological vibrancy witnessed on the opposite end of the chronological spectrum) as a metaphor per transformation from dependent young person to independent older individual and necessary heart wrenching bouts experienced when separation (either chosen out of free will or forced by decree) from harsh systemic erosion or autonomy against parental figures assail the psyche with paroxysms of so called homesickness!

Proper growth and maturation of body, mind and spirit triage predicated on ability to get out from under the powerful and strong authoritarian domination (unavoidable even with a loving and supportive father and mother) and rely on the resources and skillsinherent within the self.

Trials most severe when freshly minted high school graduates shear the figurative and psychological umbilical cord via bold and drastically made decisions to challenge and expand parentally pronounced parameters fencing in the unknown. Invisible demarcation akin to boundary marker foisting geographical gulf with image as dark and sinister foreboding place. Bridges of Montgomery County Pennsylvania (both figurative and literal connecting unknown future to the familiarity of past) less available to access and traverse in direct proportion to increased move a greater amount of miles.

Once the onset of legitimately recognized adulthood reached (a mere stripling of eighteen tender years) many females and males (in this post-adolescent stage) hanker to test their mettle and natural propensity to conduct life choices frequently in direct contra distinction compared to upbringing.