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my struggle is to define
things that I do not understand
some things that cause me to
step down a level from where I stand
bringing me emotionally down
into the space I occupy
falling and spiraling out of control
of my sense of reaction
I stutter to utter how I am feeling
it is not found on the chart
in a state of emotional wreckage
still my brain is not damaged
the trauma is in my heart
can I get a me... too?
to cosign and agree with me?
is there an amen in the house?
am I crazy…really?
does anyone have an idea
what I am journalizing
I'm growing out of control
rooted in the same pot
sitting in old soil
feeling like a fish in a dirty bowl
thinking about the deep
yearning to swim in the sea
the beating and pounding
of my heart seems that
to my pulse there is no ending
sanctioned to visit
my past sitting
behind steel bars
reaching out to me
I cannot reach back
from general population
to solitary confinement
secluded and isolated
from the needed space
in my environment
edging me into early
retirement
I am…intentionally
therapeutically indigenously
digging working tirelessly
on my own issues
and pissed off attitude
on white top flight 1 subject
standard wide rule
70 sheets and still counting
I'll be damned
if the devil gets my bounty
the language of my anger
speaks fluent profanity
I've been told to suck it up
anger is poisoning
and I need to spit it out
harboring hostility
is much more of a killer
than cigarettes can... be
running you head first
into a brick wall of regrets
