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If only I had the faith that would never shake neither sway
Maybe I would do better to appreciate another day
For my days became months
And my months became years
And now 4+ years later
I’m still drying off several layers of tears
To suffer for so long
And expect me not to respond
Like the human being that which I be
Is highly ridiculous and impossible to not stray and to stay calm!
I am a human with shame
To know I’m not strong like I desire
To have suffered this long
Has filled my emotions with fire
And I have much suffering
Than my health problems alone
I suffer loss of cognition, volition
And been forced to aspire to live in poverty like conditions
And that’s a drastic transition
From where I used to be at
But the storm began in my life
And nothing good has come back
I have now literally suffered
For more than 4 years straight
And everyone religious or spiritual
Continue to tell me, that on God I should wait!
That he does things at "His time"
And to not try to rush his ultimate plan
But what do you do
When everything is out of your hands?
You nearly become homeless
Have no food, or money to pay basic utilities
Feel weak and hopeless for not being able to provide for my daughter
And suffer daily internal lack of tranquility
Have no way to be the man
That I know that I should
My health only worsened and no opportunistic doors have opened
But if given the opportunity of better health
I know I will provide if God would say that I could!
Wishing & praying for four years that things would drastically change
But the more that I prayed
The worse my life got estranged
I nearly turned crazed & deranged
In this process of living with this constant and consistent stress
Not to mention this highly persistent tribulation
To be told to still rely on God and His continued empty silence
Only exacerbates my rage and aggravation
It’s not easy to do when you’re human
And have such futuristic short sighted vision
And can not see the possible destination.
I am sorry for being the weak human I be
I’m sorry for being the pathetic creation
You may have not intended for me to be
But I am weak and transparent
And for now, my pain in all angles is my tangible reality
So I respond as I can with the information at hand
I am but a man’
Created and made by the grain of the sand
I was hollow and now shattered
But I guess it does not really matter
Cause at the end of this system of things
I will be the beasts of field world platter
My weakness is now shown
To be more than I can permit
I always desired to shine my limited light
But I am no longer lit
My wick has burned out
And so the flame did transpire
I am a burnt out candle
So there’s no way to once again light up the fire.
SkTzO
