I Am An Actor

Thunderstruck

A spellbinding crescendo dances on the recesses of my mind

Twirling, leaping, gliding into my soul

An ice cold musical ballet

Freezing time itself, it seems

Healing wounds I didn’t even realize I had

The melody vibrates through me like a chorus of a thousand angels

Tears fall from my face, more clear than ever before

And colors suddenly flood my vision

Showing me just how blind I was before

Now I see everything

The silence of the mountains

The crashing of the oceans

And even the laughter of the rolling hills

as they engage in playful banter with the wind

Such breathtaking peace

Compacted and contained in every note

The music engulfs everything and even drifts to the heavens to make the gods weep

A spellbinding crescendo dances on the recesses of my mind

Weaving its way in and out of reality

Connect

I can't make a connection.

Seems like every time I think I'm moving I'm heading in the wrong direction.

And lately it just seems like you've been toying with my affections.

I'm tired of the lying, think it's time for some reflection oh.

Oh I'm still in love with you.

Oh I don't know what to do.

Oh I don't want to be with you anymore,

but I just can't seem to walk out that door.

Thinking. Wish I could stop thinking.

Cause when I do the thought of you is always haunting me.

Cause when I do the thought of you is always haunting...

I'm up now just thinking. It's not because I've been drinking.

And don't you think that you'll get another chance babe,

we had a connection and then you broke it baby. Thinking...

You just want to smash my heart to pieces and take everything that you can get your hands on.

I won't allow it.

I'm taking...

Marvin's Room

I was just saying that you could do better

But when I said that I really meant me

There was a time that I thought we'd be together

But I guess we were never meant to be

I know you tired of hearing me complain

So I swear this will be the last time

And I don't think I can look at you the same

Because when I do I remember you’re not mine

I shouldn't have gotten excited about that first kiss

But to me you were more then just a friend

But I guess all of my feelings were really worthless

Because I knew you wouldn't love me in the end

I saw that poem you wrote about your boyfriend

And I pretended like I was okay

But when I saw how much you care about him

I guess I just really wanted to say

F**k that n***a that you love so bad

I’m sick and tired of thinking about what we could've had

I'd say f**k that n***a if that’s what you...

I Am An Actor

I am an actor
I'm one of the best at what I do
I can play a part so well that It'll seem real to all of you

What I am really feeling is always different from what I portray
And what I portray always has a way of contradicting what I say

Everyday I wear a mask
But it is really hard to see
Because the lies I weave to steal the show become a part of me

And the person you think I am 
Is the greatest lie of all 
Because this is an act that never ends even when the curtain falls

I say I love you when I dont
I say I will when I wont
And the biggest fool is me
Because everything I say I believe

I am a master actor
Because everyday I am someone else
And as I start to switch roles faster
I really start to lose myself

The world is my stage 
The audience is everyone
...

Bitter Sweet

It's you that keeps me warm at night. You are the one that makes me shiver. You make me smile with your sweet kisses. The taste of them is bitter. I hate you when you tell the truth, I love it when you lie. I know that you will always love me dearly. I see the hatred in your eyes.

I'm so confused, my mind's a mess. Can't live without you, you cause me stress. The way you make me feel, it can't be beat. Can't stand your love, it's bitter sweet.

I don't deserve you, you're so perfect. You are the wind beneath my wings. Your words are poison, your touch is acid. Your presence makes me want to scream. You gave me life, lifted me up, and I wish that I knew why. You shot me down, ripped off my wings, and left me there to die.

Everything you say feels like a test. Now I have this pain inside my chest. You freeze my heart and give it heat. Addicted to your love, it's bitter sweet.

Love and pain, the heartache's insane. I swear that I'm ...

J

There is nothing more dangerous than something that goes astray,

Whether it's a person, or a plan, well it was a bullet on that day.

Now I'm sitting at this funeral, 2013, 3rd of May.

 Front row, next to his mom, thinking there's nothing that I can say.

What can I really say to someone who has lost their son?

The crushing guilt that I feel has got to way a ton.

Me and her boy, we were supposed to be having fun,

But he got shot, gun fight, stray bullet, my gun.

His mother never trusted me a day in her life,

And now looking back I can see she was right.

Me and J were tight.

J and her would fight

All because of the gang bangers that hunt the streets at night.

See, I was one of em,

Back when I thought that I couldn't die.

And he wanted to roll wit us, well back when he was alive.

There was...

12 Seconds

12. I only have 12 seconds left of life. Because 12 seconds is longest I can remember anything until it is lost to me forever. 12 seconds that I'll be able to remember you, 12 seconds that I'll be able to remember the accident that did this to me. The accident that ripped my happiness away and robbed me of my long term memory. I don't want to live without you my love but soon it won't matter because it'll be like I never met you. Just promise me, for these 12 seconds that I still know you, don't leave me...

11. My life flashes before my eyes even though I'm not dying. I think of my memories with you and think that I might as well be dead without them. And it's not just the memories of you I'll lose. When my times runs out I'll lose them all. My experiences, my victories and failures, and you. You are so deeply apart of me that I worry of heart failure when I forget you. Or worse my soul will be torn apart and I...

I Prayed For A Stranger

I prayed for a stranger today.

The first and last time I’ll ever see her.

Crystal rivers flowed from her eyes,

sunlight dancing in them, sparkling

just like the pieces of her shattered heart.

Her sorrow was breathtakingly beautiful

and in those few seconds that I saw her

I wished that she would never be unlucky enough

to experience such sadness again…

I heard the pain she was feeling in her voice,

a terrible trifecta of hurt, betrayal, and disappointment,

all blending together so sharply, they cut like a knife.

A knife cutting across the recesses of her mind.

A knife cutting across the edges of her soul.

A knife cutting through her reality,

shredding it and tearing it to pieces,

stained with blood and tears,

just like the pieces of her shattered heart.

It was painfully obvious to me that sh...

I Am A Black Man

I am a black man.
And I am loud.
Loud enough so that the voice of my people might speak through me.
Loud enough to drown out all of the haters and nay sayers of my culture.
Loud enough so that I might be heard over the gangsters and the cops, the gunshots you hear on the block that keep many of us awake at night thinking what if that was me? Me, lying on the cold, hard ground armed with nothing but the color of my skin. I speak to separate myself from those who behave as if they don't know how to. Those who speak as if they are allergic to a properly structured sentence. Those who speak with words filled with hate and violence. I am loud. So that I might be heard over the rap music that has glorified drugs and murder. We are so much more than that. We are an outspoken people that have far more to say than we have been given credit for.

I am a black man.
And I do have a gun.
I have a gun loaded with bullets of knowledge and w...