Black Sheep

being pretty

Being pretty
Has nothing to do with anything
Don’t tell me I shouldn’t be insecure cause I’m pretty 
Don’t tell me I should be okay cause I’m pretty even if I’m plus sized 
Don’t tell me I’m ok cause I have a shape it proportionate 
Stop telling me how I should feel 
And understand that I have moments 
Moments that I do reckless things 
Because I’m hurt and trying to hide pain
Let me feel my own havoc
Stop telling me it’s okay cause I’m pretty 
Cause it makes it seem like I have nothing else to offer 
Because I’m fat and being pretty makes everything better

reality

You haven't changed 

I haven't changed 

Let's call it quits 

Because what I need to do 

Is not you 

Between the sheets 

Asking me do I love you still? 

Cause after this conversation with Levi my older brother 

The wise one 

He gave me some truth 

On the reality of my life 

The bull I've been living 

Trying to keep the peace between 

The ones that raised me 

Keep the peace between 

Friendships and me 

Showing 

Saving

Face 

Instead of remembering 

The true importance of 

Me myself and I 

These motions I'm creating 

Are false 

Half assed 

In lament terms 

Non conductive 

Black Sheep

Sometimes I feel all alone
As if no one understands my struggle 
She doesn't hear me 
She doesn't listen to me 
And even sometimes when I think it's ok 
It always fails 
How I'm worthless 
How I will never amount to anything 
That I'm a failure
Simply cause I won't don the hat 
Of the obedient one anymore 
The one who doesn't speak 
Doesn't express 
Doesn't have a voice 
It's not as if I don't try 
I do 
I try my hardest and I fail 
It's hard to feel so alone in your struggles 
Cause at the end of the day 
Despite my friendships 
And outside family 
I'm all alone 
I don't know where I'll go 
Or where I'll be in 5 years 
But I know
I do k...

Some words

the words are burning at my fingertips
waiting to be expressed
waiting to be written
to be read to be seen
to be felt
to be related
compared
so i can know
i'm not the only individual who feels the way i do
sometimes late at night
when everything is still not right
grateful for where i am
but still not satisfied
this internal feeling not settling.
the emotions that are spinning
i know i'm not alone
in these sentiments
but still
the feeling
is very cold.
the end. 

Simple Lessons

not sure exactly what i'm writing

just felt the need to

i'm pretty calm too

not mad, hurt, or sad either.

just calm.

Don't feel like writing an inspirational piece.

nor one about that last relationship.

something new,

Love.

Finding Yourself.

The Men.

Confidence.

All the stages.

All the lessons.

Love is not meant to be seeked, it simply has to fall in place.

You fall in and out.

Heartbreak is simply one of its consequences,

when it simply isn't there anymore.

Finding yourself, is never easy.

We will always try though, 

searching from high to low, 

every corner

our past, our present, our future.

When you stop trying it'll be there.

The men, i adore every single one of you in different ways.

However yal...