THIS wasn’t part
of the arrangement,
but this time I sensed
something was changing.
Her caress
a little more tender.
Her core
more eagerly surrendered.
Her after glow
brighter than embers
on a moonless night in December.
She embraced me tighter
than I ever remembered
her cleaving to me
before….
before I walked out of her door…
yet again.
I had always come back for more,
although I had not looked back before.
But where I parked had changed...
as would my perspective.
And as I passed her window pane
my line of sight was redirected.
I believe it was her pain I saw
naked in the dark –
emotions exposed and raw.
Was it anger, depression or shame?
Some emotional complexity
my mind could not frame
with mere words?
My vision soon blurred
with the waters of remorse
at the thought that what we have
could exact so high a cost,
and there’s no way that I can help with this…
and witnessing the effects of my selfishness
is more than I can bear.
Immobilized,
I stand and stare
immortalizing her
in my memory;
cataloging all we shared
before going home to my family
knowing I can never come back,
because...
THIS was not part of the arrangement.
-HymnAgen