33300
3
Whenever I write or share my life through written word
I do so by making sure to pour my heart out
Because who I am today as a person
Trust me this is not how I did start out
I was filled with anger & rage
And all venomous things that poison the soul
For at a young age I was abandoned and left alone
Left to become my own man with no male figure
So go figure
I grew up into my early twenties feeling emotionally and spiritually disfigured
Not knowing how to take the pieces of my puzzle at the time and reconfigure
I would look into the mirror and hate who I saw daily
Because I grew up hating my flesh, my body, my everything
Because I felt I was an accident
Abortion gone wrong, thus disfigured
I had none to teach me
Or help me to understand the complexities of this life
I would somehow and for some reason or another lean onto intellectual growth
Which then taught me to understand, the possible purpose of my strife!
Books became the parents that were there for me
Since both actual parents really weren’t
I then used books to feed my brain to help guide me to become a good man
But later I learned, they were just a deterrent.
I made sure that I did everything
Opposite of every one I knew or heard of would do
Because I truly desired to be everything I could be
And not be another version of him, her or you.
So I never sniffed, never smoked anything and never drank
Actually, never touched a drop of alcohol in any capacity
As I grew up to be so different and what I called unique
Actually segregated me from the rest of humanity
Although very different in so many ways
I still had a mouth full of profanity
And my intellect became my worst enemy
As it led me to much vanity
Through my years of twenty and beyond
I was with a woman for 8 + years
My “unique†personalityâ€
Caused her insurmountable vexation and tears
I can not go back in time
By hopping into some car like De Lorean
Neither can I change my past
And try to act regal and Victorian
I can only make the best of my current life
Using all knowledge gained up to this very point
Thus I have grown exponentially with that said
Without a limited version of me to appoint
In my late twenties after a breakup with someone
Of which I shared nearly 9 years of my existence
I became a numb bum seeking for the taste of rum
Because I lost my tenacity and all strength for persistence
Nearly a full year passed
And I intentionally met this wonderful person
She and I hit it off that our first date literally lasted 2 days long
Because we spent all that time truly and honestly just conversing
Not many people in general in my life
Have I met before that could even handle my presence for that long
We instantly clicked in so many ways
That she became my exclusive girlfriend one week later and it didn’t feel wrong
Within a year of our habitation together
We decided to get engaged, married, and then try to conceive
For 3 months after we married
She was informed that in 6 months a blessing we would then receive
A daughter was born unto us
And it made me a completely different man
I always thought I truly knew what love meant
But after my daughter was born, NOW, I do truly understand!
The love for my daughter is beyond the scope
Of any word or combined words could ever be used to convey
Because of her my intellectuality, spirituality and emotional personality
Has changed to the degree that all I do, is for her I daily pray
It’s been nearly three years
Since the very day she was born
And although I am sick beyond measure
Due to a variety of neurological and muscular ailments
For her alone, I am glad that I was born!
For God to bless me of all people
With the most wonderful gift beside the gift of Jesus and His grace
Is the equivalent to All humans in combination and unison
Taking me to give me a warm embrace
For I now live and breathe for my daughter
And she is still too young to really know
But until God releases me from this earth face
I will consistently say it and let my love show
Now, I didn’t intend for this message
To be as long as it has become
So I will end this poetic letter with this
If you ever did or do love someone
Do not ever let it or them run
Don’t let them flee
And you yourself should not flee from it
For we all have a void we must fill
So we must not allow our hearts to turn cold
As you waste your days trying to numb it
Give in to the love you feel
For love is the only real emotion you can truly existentially feel
All other emotions are bystanders of a broken soul
So go out and seek your love of any fashion
Just as long as it becomes your burning goal
Let it be your guiding light
To become the best you can become in every avenue
Let it be the ignition in addition
To what amplifies and motivates the moving forward of your sinews.
Peace & Blessings to all!
SkTzO
