Pretend?

How am I really feeling? Lonely..... And maybe just a little jealous. I keep going over these deep seas in my mind and I know that I don't miss you, and I know that I don't love you, but I'm stuck with you, stuck with a peice of you that could never go away. Jealous because you seem so happy. Sometimes I feel empty, and I wonder & ask myself, what would you sacrifice for love? and my answer is always the same, it never changes I would sacrifice....... Nothing. I will not cry over spilt milk, and I will not be broken, even if the pain is caused by shutting you out. What would happen if I allowed myself to love? What if I had allowed you to overtake me? Would I be happy? Would we be happy? The only thing that I know how to do, is be strong because I am so afraid of being weak. So you see, it is easy for me to forget about you, and throw you away like I never knew you, and in reality, you are probably better off with her. Because together we are a destructive force, tearing down where building should begin. And I am a calculating monster when angry, allowing you to feel as if I care, when in reality I am so numb that it hurts. And maybe you could feel that pain in me, maybe it scares you, maybe it intimidates you. And maybe you have no time to break down the walls of a callous woman or maybe you are a coward and afraid to get what you give. Either way we are stuck here together, bonded for life now. And for the child's sake do we learn to like each other? Or just pretend