Inadequate

A Story of Waking UP

I woke up this morning and shed a tear or two...

I woke up this morning a woman made a new

I got out of bed with him on my mind

The love he showed me was apparent in my stride

He loved me down to my knees and I could not get up

I woke up this morning at a loss for words

I got in to the shower trying not to listen to my thoughts murmurs

I got up this morning still feeling last night from soul to being

But I have yet to crawl out of my thoughts fearful of seeing...

Seeing this new person look back through the reflective glass at me

I woke up this morning wishing to have not had this epiphany

I out on my clothes this morning knowing this person inside was not ready for the day

Wishing to curl into an embrace that wasn't there and stay

I woke up this morning with his name eager and ready on my lips

His taste ...

Inadequate

If ever i felt a tad bit out of place or like i didn't belong.... it's today

i mean maybe i shouldn't... and then again maybe i should

All day long i sat and i thought

about if i was good enough or not...

when i meet them, will her family see what she see's in me evnthough i don't

will they catch on to the fact that, i never really think

i'm as good or even close to what most think of me...

i mean i wonder if i am good enough for her...

Cuz when i see her my heart skips 3 beats...

and pounds so hard against my chest that i feel it throughout my body...

And when she's near me as nervous as i get i still stay calm, because when ever she looks into my eyes

it eases my restless mind...

It's like maddness when she touches me

cuz i wanna shiver but i don't want her to know...

But we're best friends

There are things I want to tell you

That I couldn't previously say

Feelings I kept inside and hidden away

You were always around to give the good advice

Always so much fun, and you touch so sweet and nice

I crave to indulge in your presence Things I can't find anywhere else

The way you understand the quiet, lonely head space

The way you can sympathize with the outlandish creative thought process

But the thing with us is that we've come far with friendship

Stabilized with the constant reminders of our here and there significant others

But from time to time I wonder if significant others were you and I.

You've made mention at a similar thought or feeling

But if given the opportunity would it work?

I'm sure trying wouldn't be horrible.

But is loosing a pure friendship worth it

We'd have to talk about it...

Thought Process

It's time for a meeting of my pen and a pad
It's time to show myself what's the best to be had
Cause all around there are problems 
Everybody's got some
It's all about which set is worth carrying around
Who's more worthy of being held down
In the literal since cause nobody wants to hold luggage alone

But none have the complete package shown
Am I searching too hard and finding decent ditches to fall into 
Or am i really stumbling upon treasure troves buried beneath the sand
As a woman am I to catch or keep the man
Do I anticipate a home coming
Indulge in the forthcoming
Or run into the wind on the dolo

What do I do when I hate to ride so filthy on the solo
So I need to pull out my pen put some of this emoting and lexicon to use
Pull up my big girl britches and face my truth
Whether it be going left or right or even...

Hold My Hand

 As she held my hand

We made plans

Of a happily ever after with a home and a few kids

And although hopeful we always saw exactly what the world was I mean is

she held  my hand as if I were the woman and she were the man

She took care of me

And was all I wanted her to be

I lover her still

And as the songs go I always will

So our dream took off with one issue 

I became pregnant bearing our first child

She wanted to name him David I preferred Miles

We were so happily in love 

And had no better things to think of

So she held my hand

When we had to take a stand

To let it be known that ours was a love that couldn't be disbanded because of a few evil glares

And we stayed where we lived in spite of the stares

She was strong body soul and mind

A person to love like her was hard to find

She kept holding my hand

Beginners luck

 I got the call with my resulsts
And I couldn't believe it so I tried to call her bluff'
Then the womans voice said Are you ok hun
Of course I said to her i was fine
But what I did was sit on the floor and cry
Cried for what seemed like 40 days and 40 nights
But what ended up being 4 and a half minutes
Then I stood up and took off my my cute day clothes
Threw on some baggy sweats a T-shirt and those
Those busted broke down black rebocks
Walked out of my room looking straight of the boondocks climbed two fights of staris to the roof and lit a apple black and mild
I inhaled deep and deeper
Then I exhaled my fever
Not as in temperment but as in my rage
Felt like a wild animal trapped in a cage
And even though things could have been so much worse
I wanted to punch him in the face first
Then maybe punch him in the
Or maybe I'd just castr...

Sometimes love isn't eough

 Things have changed
My minds rearranged
And you, as awesome as you are, are no longer priority number one
Our love is special and rare
But for me it's no longer fun
I see me pulling in directions of which you're not willing to pay the fare
And I know it's not fair
That I hadn't the heart to tell you sooner
For that I'm sorry
Because I know how you feel similar to a love sick crooner
So I tell you that it's my heart that is faulty
In having no problem falling out of love so freely
Again I say I'm sorry and I plead for your forgiveness
And when I say it's not your fault please believe me
You've been a steady constant you but I who shall change never the less
But always the more
Forever willing to venture out to see what else maybe in store
Find other secrets i may unravel
New people I may encounter on my travels
And I hate for my wandering eye t...