As I sit here on this chair
And to you, I pour out my heart.
I ask why do you make me suffer so much
To the point of tearing my marriage apart?
I know we have control over many things
But yet to only a certain degree.
I ask you to answer me
Because from this pain I truly want to be free!
I have pain throughout my body
That has yet to be explained.
I also show symptoms of Alzheimer’s
That show in PETSCANS of my brain.
What is happening to me lord?
And why do you allow so much to occur?
I am exhausted of fighting daily
The joy I once had is now just a blur.
I feel you lied to me
That all you desire is to cause me much pain.
These are the kind of thoughts I have
And for so long they linger in my brain.
You haven’t answered any prayers
And so I feel you have departed.
Feels like you decided my path to be destruction
Far before my internal fire even started.
I feel ashamed and embarrassed
To know that I truly did believe!
I feel like you took your time to hurt me
And to make sure that I was deceived!
My heart says one thing
But my spirit has another tone.
My flesh is decreasing to the point
That I feel pain in every joint and in every bone.
At this point I no longer know who or where to turn to
Because you continue to remain quiet
And because of your silence
You have stirred up inside me such a spiritual riot.