It happened. It all happened. And I just went numb. Defense mechanisms that wouldn't let my emotions succumb to the true pain and multitude of feelings that would emerge from this series of dealings with people who didn't set out to hurt me but still so viciously dirtied what I once thought was so pure, so full of life and love, feels like it came from the angel above that fell beneath and now lives among heathens, constantly battling for our souls, never giving up never letting go but somehow still breathing, I won't be eternally defeated, I won't be concreted into something I hate, I won't let this hate in my heart become innate, I'm constantly battling something I don't feel ready to face, so I turn around but it's still in my face, there's no hiding, nothing I can do to erase, the memories and pain that were so aggressively placed, upon me, and now I find myself searching for just a trace, of hope and purpose every day. There is purpose in my pain. Just like there was life in His. Christ didn't die in vain. Even though some think He did. I will live my life to prove otherwise. Allow people to see His strength thru my weakness. Allow Him to speak thru my eyes. Allow Him to teach me meekness. Allow Him to show me truth over lies. Allow Him to hear my cries and use my pain for His purpose. Allow Him to use my life to show someone else that Jesus is worth it. Lord save me. Use me. Don’t let them continue to abuse me. Unless its your will. I will pray for You to sooth me. But You know whats best. You will give me rest. When rest is due. But in the meantime i will press on and look forward to resting in You as Your blessings ensue. Lord please dont ever stop pursuing, me.
jnikic5
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anguish
CATEGORY
life
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COMMENTS
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2b2b2 says: Beautiful Supplication....thanks for sharing....Amen |
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jnikic5 says: thank you |
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BoRhyme says: WOW!!! Enjoyed every word!!! At a loss for words!!! |
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jnikic5 says: thank you!! |
OTHER POEMS WRITTEN BY jnikic5
the best giftwhen i give it to you, you better not ever take it for granted when i give it to you, you better realize where my heart is planted when i give it to you, i hope you know it means you’re special when i give it to you, i’m not doing it just to test you i give it to you, knowing i can never take it back i give it to you, knowing you might knock me off track i give it to you, knowing this is where i wanna be i give it to you because you make me happy it’s the best gift in the world, and you can’t even hold it It’s MY time...and even i can’t control it  |
glimpse of hopeThe last 4 days. For the first time in a long time. My heart wasn't constantly hurting. For once i didn't feel completely broken. Completely helpless...I felt peace that was completely unspoken. Just a feeling in my heart regardless of what was spoken. The kind of peace that makes all the broken pieces and pain seem insignificant because of my God. My God, healer of all. All knowing, all powerful, merciful and loving. He deals with it all and somehow we constantly underestimate His power, healer of all. As if my pain is too deep. My problems too complicated. For me to just trust and take the leap. As if I am completely unrelated to Him or anything having to do with His will. I forget that not only am I related to Him but created by Him and for Him to do His will not mine. Regardless of what's related to my heart, I gotta do what's on His mind and constantly be in prayer to find answers to my questions that only He can answer. Because He is the beginning and the en... |
anguishIt happened. It all happened. And I just went numb. Defense mechanisms that wouldn't let my emotions succumb to the true pain and multitude of feelings that would emerge from this series of dealings with people who didn't set out to hurt me but still so viciously dirtied what I once thought was so pure, so full of life and love, feels like it came from the angel above that fell beneath and now lives among heathens, constantly battling for our souls, never giving up never letting go but somehow still breathing, I won't be eternally defeated, I won't be concreted into something I hate, I won't let this hate in my heart become innate, I'm constantly battling something I don't feel ready to face, so I turn around but it's still in my face, there's no hiding, nothing I can do to erase, the memories and pain that were so aggressively placed, upon me, and now I find myself searching for just a trace, of hope and purpose every day. There is purpose in ... |
xanother day but nothing new I’m still crying over losing you maybe not visibly, but my heart still can’t take the truth i still remember the last day i saw ya face It’s been so long but seems like yesterday and i can’t erase the image, the pain, the feeling that I’m insane i love you so much, the depth of this feeling i can’t even explain the placement of blame, i put on myself for ruining your life, for making a decision based solely on myself i said i was doing this for you, i said it’d be better this way i didn’t think you could be happy if i let you stay so i made the decision and you had no say now all of the apologies in the world could never make it ok
i couldn't handle the thought of you i always wondered if you’d be able to handle the truth i wouldn&... |
one lovemy one true love on this earth, i can’t explain it |
how Christ saved me this yearIt’s been an amazing year i just want to be near to You and have my ear to You Christ you saved me |
for my little sis
boo boo don’t do it don’t go down that path at the end of the day i want your smile to be genuine
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June 10thanother birthday, another year passed |
Rant Life can only be lived forwards I love to laugh until it hurts I’m not a touchy person but i love hugs and none of us will ever be perfect so stop flexin |
i could be good...Envisions of pain tattooed in my brain |