I am so tired of pretending
Pretending like im happy
Like everything is okay
Telling myself that tomorrow will be a better day
But tomorrow never comes
My feet are standing still but I feel like im on the run
Trying to find my life
The life im suppose to have
Filled with love and happiness
My eternity is free
But instead im still standing here
Trying to find me
I wanna be free
Somebody help me
Waiting and waiting
Take these shackles off my feet
I asked myself if I was living or simply existing
Deep down inside I know something is missing
Something I can't seem to find
It feels like the walls are closing in
I'm running out of time
I keep searching
day after day
Yet im still here smiling
Pretending everything is okay
SoFloetic
 24700 
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Pretending
CATEGORY
life
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COMMENTS
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amin901 says: Nice work..How did you get that header on your page next to your picture? |
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2b2b2 says: Poignant Purge....thanks for sharing....good to read ya again....ONE |
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SoFloetic says: Thanks to you both @amin901 which one are you talking about |
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LP45 says: Great work sofloetic. I can definitely relate. Thank you for sharing. |
OTHER POEMS WRITTEN BY SoFloetic
ClosureI contemplated closure I played with the idea in my head Thinking that it was something I needed To bring this tragedy to an end Although it ended long ago Closure -An act or process of closing something Is that what I need, or is it the pain that's making me believe that it will somehow make this easier I mean it was closed when you walked away, wasn't it Closure It was closed when you lied Closure It was closed when you became distant, no longer acknowledging my existence, my voice, my heart, all the times you looked right through me Closure It was closed when you cheated, wasn't it Closure So what more do I need This hurt,this pain is leading me to desperation, and this desperation is bringing me to my knees Praying for an end to the idea of You and Me Closure Searching for answers to questions that I already know Trying to rationalize the idiotic nonsense that you sprued at me I feel defeated and broken down t...  |
DrownedI've fell into a black hole It seems to have no end Gasping for air it feels like a sinking ship Surrounded by water made of my sorrow Reliving the heartache over and over again Torture No way out Repetitive memories of how I got here Tripped, stumbled, and fell over my own stupidity Knocked down by the fact that I let you get to me Again Lungs filling up with the shame of letting you back in Suffocating I need to know why you did this too me I gave you another chance You said you love me Begging and pleading for me to take you back Yet here I am floating and alone The difference is this hole feels deeper These walls are shallow There is no light Not a flickering candle No sunshine in sight How will I ever find my way out Struggling to see Vision impaired Tears in my eyes Stuck and scared I've been screaming, calling, crying out to you Tell me why you pulled me back in just to turn around and do this bull**** again Gained my trust All while telling a lie It make... |
DamagedDamaged One simple word that describes me perfectly I am Often perceived to be something I'm not Hidden behind a mask to disguise my fears Can't run to my friends my family won't understand They'll think im crazy halfway through my explanation And we all know friends and enemies are one in the same I will not allow anyone to find joy in my pain Damaged I don't trust people Because people will almost always let you down Revealing your secrets Turning their backs on you Vanishing when you need them the most Broken promises and a false sense of hope Damaged I love to hard Diving in head first with no regards to my heart Loving him more than I love myself Often getting lost in what can only be described as a ridiculous fantasy Often turning a blind eye to whats in front of me Knowing exactly how it will all end Seeing the outcome before the story began Usually left with a broken heart Crying for days on end Repeatedly loving the wrong kind of man Foo... |
Super WomanLast week I forgot just who I wanted to be my dreams got lost in a pile full of laundry The bills were stacked so high I couldn't see just who I was My voice was drowned out by crying voices yelling Mommy My husband had no time he was out making the money So I remained silent I couldn't tell them how I feel since no one was listening I just stood there STILL My hands are tired I cook everyday, I pick , pack, pull, and I clean I can't find the strength to put my pen to my paper No writing today my fingers are motionless An overwhelming feeling of anxiety Tears flowing down my face No time to cry Nowhere to hide So much to do Mommy, Wifey Super woman to the rescue |
UNAPOLOGETICALLY BLACKI AM UNAPOLOGETICALLY BLACK I love my brothas and sistas My melatonin skin I bask in its GLORYYYYYY I AM UNAPOLOGETICALLY BLACK I will not hide who I am I will flaunt it in your face Hold my head up high Respond to you with Grace I AM UNAPOLOGETICALLY BLACK My sassiness My wit The way I speak so intelligently, clever, comprehending, creative, and deep I am discerning, enlightened, exceptional That's me imaginative, ingenious,inventive, keen, knowledgeable, original, perspicacious, profound, understanding, well-informed My mind is dangerous Yet I can still get you together in 1 2 3 That black girl magic You see me I nurture my kings I will bring them back to life NO JUSTICE NO PEACE together we will fight Professional during the day and jazzy at night I AM UNAPOLOGETICALLY BLACK Recognize the QUEEN in me My roots run deep Bow down at my feet Blood of my ancestors flow through me Breed from Kings and Queens You can't deny me UNAPOLOGETICALLY BLAC... |
Empty PresenceNo connection Distance Separation It's as if you're not here I see your body I feel the heat Mentally, Emotionally You're no where near me Alone is how I feel Pain in my heart Hiding my tears We're together Yet apart I miss you so We're still hand and hand But my heart My heart Knows you No more |
StressMy doctor told me stress would kill me If that is true I would say that my time here is long overdue Kids Family Finances and pain They all shape, form, and affect my life I worry in the morning I worry at night I'm worried when I'm smiling Living paycheck to paycheck Staying afloat Keeping my head above water Holding on to a decimal of hope To much pride to show the world What I'm really going through Triumph after the triumph It seems as if there's not much more I can do Try to better myself but they won't give me a chance Stuck in the middle A victim of circumstance Not measuring up to my full capabilities Living in a country They call the land of the free So tell me why can't I get the same job as Heather, Tom, Billy, or Susie I am qualified Even more than Susie She told me in the lobby she didn't have a degree Heather and Tom didn't seem to even care No effort at all Why where they even there Billy was nice, but had no ambition I wanted it bad,... |
The dope manI hate the dope man Lost hope and dreams No future in sight He gave up a long time ago because daddy didn't care and mama didn't know How to raise him to be a man He gets up in the morning Go to the corner and stand Looking for phens breaking down his fellow man In his mind he's not doing nothing wrong And I often wonder why can't he see that he is contributing to the destruction of society The bad man The sad man The I use to have a dream but I gave up man The destroyer The supplier The oppressor The reason mama had a little girl and decided to neglect her The making every excuse in the book man The blame it on society I can't get a job man Sit around all day and wait man Waiting on him waiting on her Destroying lives and breaking up families The reason little kids don't wanna be all they can be The I will kill you if you don't respect me man Because respect is all I have Take it away and they might see that deep down I'm a coward A menace to society ... |
This is not my homeI'm living in a house that's not my home It's where I lay my head but it's not where I want to be Hood life is not for me Cussing and fussing Fighting everyday Smoking weed Killing and stealing Selling crack in front of kids People laughing and joking as if it's ok Got comfortable with their situation so they don't won't more I hate to walk out my front door All I see is sadness Potential gone to waste this house is not my home This is not where I will stay I keep telling myself I won't be here long But it seems like every time I try to leave They turn me down like they want me here But one day I will get out One day I will leave I will show them that this hood will not be become me This is not my home |
Days like thisMama always said there would be days like this Is that how it goes You know those days when you don't want to go on Bills outweigh your paycheck Kids acting a fool Never satisfied and can tell you everything you don't do Husband working your last nerve Depressed without a job Feeling like a failure like less of a man And your kind words just ain't enough Hmmmm days like this That's what mama said But all I wanna know is when will it end Because one day turned into two and two turned into three And hell on the forth day I had enough Days like this I can do without My feet hurt My head nappy My fridge is bare House in a mess Kids don't even care And my husband laying over there sleep on the chair Cooking and cleaning Ironing and washing Screaming and yelling For order in the house Lords knows imma catch a case if anybody open their mouth I am tired Exhausted Mad and hungry Broke down And sad But as usual I gotta take care of my family so I put myse... |