I'd Rather Die

Grief

I almost forgot that you were gone until I woke up and realized that I was now grown.

Your face, smile, all of your features were there.

I would’ve bet my life on that.

And there I was nothin but a child again racing to give you the biggest hug that I could make.

I would have never imagined that I would be sitting here dumbfounded.

Lead not to our own understanding, those are the words those men wrote in the Bible as they went about their day, reciting potential scriptures that they wanted to include in the Bible.

God doesn’t make any mistakes are the words that I would hear on a regular basis as I attempted to understand why the world was the way that it was…or rather is.

Although it depends on who you ask

Supposedly there are between 5 to 7 stages of grief.

And if this is true then tell me what stage that I am currently at.

Because at this point I really am trying to understand the math.

The Archives - One Night Stand

After that night I felt like a champ

I finally had a chance to get with this girl that I’ve been trying to get with ever since the 12th grade.

And even though my friends and family told me about her.

I just wanted to get with her since all I wanted was to take a chance…

I choose not to believe everyone’s gossip.

So, I played a game of chance.

Every time I lay down with this girl named Claire.

She made me feel good…like a real man should.

And I choose not to use protection every time we decided to do our deeds…

Dreams keep hunting me as I sleep at night…

The fear of not seeing my family and friends used to not scare me.

But it does now…

I thought that I had all the answers and that I didn’t need no one’s help with nothing.

And although my mind is wondering I wish now that there was a way that I ...

Are You Listenin?

Where do I begin?

Sh*t I’m a sinner, I’m not here to wear it like I am proud of it.

It’s just the way that it is.

It ain’t something that I can wash off.

Nah, it ain’t nothin that can be done about it.

You see when I stepped into that cold a** water and had hands laid upon my head.

I had decided that this was going to be what I needed, so that I could see some better days.

Just a few.

I needed that from you…

Today I sat down with my thoughts and as I sat there, I asked myself how in the he** can a sinner baptize a sinner?

Who’s baptizing them?

What is baptizing me?

I’m waking up to questions and going to bed with even more.

Lookin around as the world around me crumbles.

I look to my left and see a man dancing to some song on a beat-up phone and headphones in the middle of the street.

I look to my right and see another person strung out on some sh...

Ten Toes Down

Hard times can come and go like seasons yet still I stand.

Ten toes down I stand,

Rooted in my truth with my heel on the throat of everything that I stand for.

Like a chameleon I am constantly changing my skin to adapt to your moods.

Where you see no hope, I anchor down and prove to you that hope is always around.

When misunderstandings have stepped to the forefront.

I find a reason when we cannot find common ground.

There is always a reason.

 If I am unable to find anything else,

I am always there to divert the storm.

Pressing on with you following suit.

You rely on me like I am the lifeline to this relationship.

Leaning onto my word like I have been trying to lean up against the Lord’s.

I smile because I no longer have the time to frown.

Because when sh*t goes down, I must have a way to keep everything together.

Because I am the one who can remain calm ...

Unmuted

All eyes placed, focusing on the missing words that could not escape my lips.

Everything seemed so close,

You seemed so distant.

So far; if I were to call to you, the chances of you hearing me would possibly be…

I wished for forever, my thoughts and dreams I had pinned them up upon this white board and this script that I had written was meant to showcase my ability to grow.

My words were chosen for specific reasons, they were meant to touch and feel the vessels that are racing within your veins.

My monotone voice was supposed to be as smooth as bourbon, as tasteful as your favorite piece of candy.

Back and forth, back and forth I pace I as I attempt to gather my thoughts,

My body dance as I dry my hands upon my pants.

I guess this would have been the best time to prove how good my tolerance is,

However, there was no hiding the fact that I was just as faded as the thoughts th...

Liquor

We don’t see eye to eye when I am under the control of “I-I”.

And as much as I would like to justify my actions and provide an understanding for my actions.

I do not believe that anything that I currently have hanging on my drawing board will provide enough cover to patch the hole that I created within your heart.

Does it really matter what’s being said once I take this shot?

Maybe…maybe we’ll find a resolution and come to a place of agreement.

Maybe these words that’s leaning over within my head will lean into something more meaningful.

Or accidentally become a sorry, like some Patch Adam’s sh*t

So, would it really matter what is being said once I take this shot?

I dunno but we’re about to find out.

Out, move or rather disappear from your presence.

Your anger just doesn’t seem justifiable, and I don’t think I even care enough to meet you at the table.

You claim that I am...

Strange Fruit

It laid within the palms of my hands like precious jewels.

Allowing me to feel its weight, tempting my senses with its essence

Encouraging me to take a closer look, a small taste

Softly whispering my wants in the most beautiful way possible

You would have thought it were birds singing on an early spring morning

How is it possible to want something so bad it breaks you down to tears?

To crave the unimaginable without ever experiencing it, maybe it is like watching snow fall for the first time.

And not being able to experience it fall upon your skin, to listen as it crushes underneath your feet.

Melt within the palm of your bare hands.

Nonetheless, you find yourself lost within your own thoughts.

Dreaming of the possibilities, wondering what could or even have been.

Had you had the opportunity to taste, feel and experience.

If I were to dream of the sensations tha...

I is somebody

I is somebody

Although I may not do right all the time

The times I do right still count 

I ain’t neva had much

Can’t count the times I had to go without 

But don’t think I’m round here complainin

Don’t got time to do that 

You see I work

These calluses on my hands are all the proof I need 

And even though at times I want to quit

Somethin inside me just won’t

Because as long as that there ground is above me 

I still got time to be somebody 

Because…

Somebody’s body is achin

Somebody’s body is tired 

Somebody’s hands are worn 

Somebody’s feet are sore

Somebody’s eyes are closed

Somebody’s voice is singin an ole gospel song 

Somebody is prayin for somebody

Sunday has not yet arrived, 

Yet hymns can be hear...

Be That Stimulation

I thrive off of stimulation

It’s inside my veins 

Resides within the words that I write

Dances around me, although not with me

I searched for love everywhere and still have yet to find that feeling that is supposed to be at the pit of my stomach 

Hurt and hurter, yes I have played devil as well as devil advocate

So if you seek some form of perfection 

Imperfection is what resides here

My mind wonders, rolls from one side of my head to the other like waves on a windy day

And although sometimes my days may seem to blend together my eyes still see the goal that I am trying my best to achieve 

Do not tell me that you can endure when in reality you are just here for the thrill 

I’ve road this ride for almost 36 years 

Had you been here in the beginning, I pro...

I'll Wait

I am not here to listen to yet another relatable response

Don’t care to hear that you are sorry, 

An able body person who is living off of other people that is full of excuses but no motivation, is sorry

An over weight pet that chooses to only get up and walk when it is time to eat and s**t, is sorry 

This lazy a** apology is not only sorry, it does not bridge that gap between disfunction and sensibility 

So if this is your way to attempt to close the gaps between my anger, frustration and hurt 

It didn’t help the situation it just made it slightly worse

Because sorry is what we as children are taught to say before we jump up and repeat the same mistakes all over again

Is it that society have grown so accustom to apologizing for things that can clearly be changed but will not be changed because if real change actually took place the world that they once...