Manic to medicated

To the old me

To the old me

RIP to the old me.

I mean it is about time you died, no really

Your negative thinking

Your depression

Your thoughts of unworthiness

I mean it was really about time you changed

Just thank God you didn’t take a bullet

to the brain

All the times with suicide on the mind

And the last time was really bad so bad

Then you went manic

Depression you lost yourself for a few years

And you just hated you

I wanted to just say hi to the new you

I finally see a glimmer of hope back

 I heard you finally said he was unworthy

And it wasn’t you

He raped you, you weren’t at fault.

I know that you blamed you.

But I see a change in you

You finally want to live life again

You wanting to smile, to be happy

Empower yourself, be strong

Better Days

I’m ready for better days

I know there coming

I let you go now just got to grow

Do me

No more chains surrounding me

Imprisoned by my emotions

Of loving you with no love in return

No lost in pain but found

Cus I’m no longer spending time with someone undeserving

of me no you ain’t even worthy of me

I hate you cus how much I really loved you

I’m done I’m through no more hurting me

I’m a big girl I’m grown I don’t need you anymore

Now I can focus on someone who truly matters me not you

I’m so done with you and ready for the better days to come thru.

stuck on you

I’m scared of being alone but in the end .I am alone cus you will never love me in the way I need.

Me and you are only friends you see.

But it’s like every inch of me is calling you in deep need.

It’s like I want you to save me . I need you to be my hero so come rescue me.

Baby come dive in the depths of my sea

I might need mouth to mouth resuscitation there I go again day dreaming to another destination

Where I’m feeling you, you feeling me. I don’t think I can get enough but its time to let you go.

I can’t I’m to afraid.

I’m not brave. Why can’t I let you go? Truth is my heart is attached and it’s stuck on you.

Woman of my word

I want to be a woman of my word

But I failed so many times I say I’ll do that or I’m gonna change and

damn.Im still the same.

I aint trying to hit rock bottom before I realize I really need to change.

Need to take care of my health, relationships, mindset.

Spread positivity, peace,love, trust in God, Respect myself.

I don’t need anyone else to create my happiness .

I realize that now so let me applaud myself give me some credit

An change let God lead the way trust in him let him be my strength

So I can be the woman of my word today.

I haven’t been loyal to myself, haven’t been trusting in me and let people cross my boundaries.

 I’m done.

I’m ready for Gods plan.

Dance

Tonight I did it just cut lose and danced was free didn't have a care in the world I just danced and did me I didn't try to dance to impress but express the movement in my body just shake rock the hips and swing get low and shake it to the dance  floor  was so fun a natural high
I got my groove on no lie I decide to dance and just cut lose be confident not let my insecurities get to me just took a chance and was brave and hey no mistake just dancing and feeling great on that natural high got me feeling like I touched the sky no need to lay low and not tear up the dance floor

Giving Up

Giving Up

I use to give up just give in

Throw in the towel let the devil win

I use to think about suicide a lot attempted a few times

Wanted to die, didn’t feel it was worth being alive.

I didn’t care for me, but I have the best support team

God, family and friends till the end.

They never gave up on me so I can’t give up on them

Sometimes it’s hard being alive

But I rather struggle then give up to the devil I know that now.

I want to live for God praise and worship him, he forgives me of my sins.

I am fresh, clean anew ready to start 2016

Not feeling blue, happy, content, blessed not stressed.

Relieved cus choose God without him

I am a damsel in distress looking for a hero.

That’s why I turn to God cus with him I am not lost.

I   am saved by a glorious creator God my one and only sa...

Manic to medicated

Manic to medicated
Can't see straight yea 
Hell ya was on one hell of a flight or fight race .level felt not human tho crazy mystified alienated some what
I'm BACK NOW still feel little wack cus meds me feel high and I sleep all day and night and breathe human but feel like  a supreme one, man the manic high remembering a bit makes me bit terrified and meds it's all to much once but I'm coming down and can breathe see ,I'm back to being simply me sometimes I wake up cus of scary dreams or just a panic state cus I could lose it any second but I put my love for God on the line he is so divine no need to fear cus I have my lord and savior here 

Time is of the essence

I don't utilize my time very well cus If I did, I wouldn't feel so stressed and overloaded, burnt out by the seconds cus my acts are obsessive as if I have OCD disorder,  check the phone screens constantly even when I should just be enjoying time either alone or with loved ones.
I want to be off the bull of there's never enough time in the day. Prioritize it right there will be. You have control in what you do and how much time you spend doing what you need. Do not be a people pleaser say NO. I've learned the hard way doing so much at once to reach a downward fall just to have to break like a wave crashing in shore and having to restart but go faster than before. I'm doing so much harm by my shallow breathing that oxygen isn’t reaching my brain and I am slowly dying inside cus every waking moment alive, I feel like I need to be doing something and I can't sit still for too long sometimes I don't focus well either. My t...