Being a Good Girl

The Love Letter

I began to write so desperately that I need to express it. I longed for the moment, the day, the hour, the damn second! I was sure I would know (what love was). Like a sixth sense or an innate ability to just know (what love is). I stopped believing in second chances the day that love swiftly packed up and drove goodbye. Left with the authentic part of my love. An innocence that I often dreamt about. I remember the moment it left. I cried like nobody's business. Like I was exposed to the outer limits of the galaxy, struggling for air, struggling to get my grip. The dreamy eyed, hope-filled, optimistic, confident woman I was, got lost up there. I covered up the hurt with a false sense of myself. Drowning in pools of my tears, water that stings my eyes. Clouds that leave me in a daze. I lost me in the midst of it all. Nobody told me about this hurt, like a scratch you can't itch, a wound that won't heal. Well at least I didn't let it heal kept picking...

Mama's Wisdom

You won't hear me until I'm dead and gone.

I've been your age, you've never been mine.

The "Don't Try Me" face, a crown of wisdom flows from your mane.

Your encouragement to branch out, love harder, forgive more

Instilling in your children the ways of God not man.

Loving unconditionally in spite of ourselves.

Your ability to see beyond a smile and deep down into one's soul

The epitome of grace, the essence of love you show complete strangers

Mama's Wisdom came from learning and growing

I hope to get there someday.

Summer in Texas

Sweltering hot summer days Sun, high noon, wraps me into the warmth of each swell of it's breath. Devil trying to escape or is it too late. Reeking havoc over a beautiful blue sky, clouds began to brew. Stirring up a storm, the rain is gulped up by the earth, thristy...Not lasting long the heat returns the sun medicine for my skin. Turning dawn to dusk the day is done this summer heat has just begun.

Being a Good Girl

I am trying to be a good girl,

See you keep on saying the right things.

Touching me in a slight way that makes me...

Say man I just met you but I'm guarded because my heart has been bombarded with any lie you can ever think of.

Lessons learned, yes but you keep on saying & doing the right things.

But see I am still steady in being this good girl. Keeping lustful secrets in my head.

I pray really hard before I go to bed: Please go away..

Telling myself all this is his  trick so that I may slip on his d*@# and quench his thirst and then back to earth I go.

 Damn, its hard trying to be a good girl

Wake up Call

Thank you for the wake-up call. I almost lost myself for a moment there. See the awkwardness I felt when you were around made me reflect. Some good thoughts and some bad. Yet through it all I realized my faults I tried to create forever with a fading memory, You see, the young me would have clung to that bag of hopelessness and continue to wallow in that lonely abyss.Crying about how your heart was golden...Shidddd, 

Secrets Unveiled

 The day I met you, you were so comfortable to be around. This feeling, I felt too often and kept my feet lifted off the ground. My intuition, I neglected, you see I wanted to give you all of me. I gave you the benefit of the doubt. Despite all of the things that were sticking out of place. Something told me to leave you alone. The signs were all there: Far and inbetween calls and texts, rain checks on plans that were made, no quality time spent. All I had was an aching feeling between my legs and sweet nothings whispered in my ear.This foundation was built on unsteady ground. Nothing real to take from this experience.To stay here is to continue to live in ignorance. The day I left you, I realize I am worth more than a few 'hey beautifuls' or 'hey sexy'. I am no one's secret and I refuse to be kept as one. As time goes on, the lessons are learned. I love me more, thank you for giving me a reason to.

Battle of the Mind

Walking down the inner reflections of my mind. Muddled by thoughts of insecurities and doubt, a battle ensues. Reversing the damage done by a fleeting world, the makings of a broken girl. Fueling my energy into a intricate level of growth. I fight with all my might to remain in an abyss of happiness. Geared in my armor, I counter all this hate with authentic smiles and a positive attitude. With every blow of hostility, rejection and resentment, I stand tall in this battle. It is never ending but I will fight with all my might to have a piece of that glorious tranquility. 

Fall Forever Remains (Dedication to my Daddy)

I remember the ticking of a clock as I lay upon your chest. Wondering how in the world did that happen and if I had the same inside me. You smiled and kissed my forehead. Told me the ticking sound kept you alive and without it you wouldn't be here. Soon the ticking stopped and the angels came to take you. Everyday I look in the mirror and see your reflection with feminine features. You loved me with no conditions.You showed me what real love was and what a real man is. There was only one you...complete and unique... God made you. A piece of my heart went with you that day. Fragmented and broken memories come and go. It is too painful to think about you not being here. All these years have passed and I still can't mask my tears. Seasons change but when I'm missing you Fall forever remains. I miss you and I love you!

Instruction

I have an inquisitive nature. I seek to explore all the knowledge that I can find. When the subject turned to you, I was the best student I could be. I studied you, wanted to learn you...but your teaching I just couldn't follow. In your syllabus, you described all the details that I could look forward to. Like how loving you are, intellectual conversations we could engage in, quality time you like to spend. But as the class began, the more lost I became. Your instruction left me angry because I felt so inadequate. Always a good student, i found myself flunking out of your class. Seeking extra help so that I could make an attempt to understand, you were nowhere to be found. I found myself berating myself about how foolish I was. After a few failed attempts I ultimately decided to drop your class. I'm so glad I did, for I realized that you were not who you said you were. For me it's another lesson learned in this transcript called life!

My King

Slowly I anticipate you to penetrate my soul. My body can wait for when the moment comes the very essence of two will be made one. The thirst of my love longs to be conquered by a King. Not for a night or a day but for eternity. There were many forms of you in my short time I have inhabited this Earth but they weren't you. See, I never romanticized about a tall dark handsome man or a knight in shining armor. Just a man true to himself, unafraid of his emotions. Embracing this life as it comes, be it good or bad. But My King, know that I am down for the ride.  I will always look past the flaws and into the heart of a true King you are. I'm ready to rule this life together. 

Waiting patiently, 

Your Queen