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I’ve been abused
Confused and at times enthused
Many times I had opportunities in my life
But was blind to see them
So to open the door… I refused!
I am who I am only because God blessed me at some point in my life
To be able discern between normal and what’s not!
I chose to not be like my abusive, reclusive
Who thought he was a man so exclusive - step father
Who beat the S#%t out of my mother
Knocked her molars out
Made her bleed
I died when I saw my mother cry
I cried when I saw her nearly die
I then began to hate her for letting this idiotic man defy
On her he would use up, abuse and yet on her financially rely
She never fed us
Never bathed us nor was she a mother living to the definition of one
I grew to be cold and hateful
In my early teens I was told I should be no matter what, be very grateful
I spit on words thrown at me by others who had no clue of my being
No one felt the pain or saw the things that I was seeing
From life I began to be fleeing
I then one day claimed
I will not have my personality defamed
I chose a new name
I became Illumination
The other portion
A slightly twisted mental distortion
But he gave me strength and capability
To remain sane and powerful
In a world that gave me no sense of security or tranquility
Illumination was the epitome of wisdom
The light shown through me to others
He became the new man name
He destroyed the sense of shame
He killed off the feelings of shame and feeling lame
No more did I suffer in silence
No longer did I have need to rub off my violence
My nature
My intellectual stature
My mind expanded like spandex
Latex mentalities
Mind exploded to other realms and dimensionalities
Causing my brain to split into several personalities
They all became the ONE mind, but many
I was warned of splitting my fears into atoms
But I did it all the time, actually quite plenty
Even up until the age of about twenty
By twenty one
I felt second to none
From none I would run
I debated
I felt important and consecrated
I felt special
The illumination of self
Became arrogant and highly elated
He changed the old me to a different form I would never have imagined
Illumination then grew to Strange Poet
A young entity of metaphysicality
And he didn’t even know it
Religious ideologies converged
The person I was born to be…ran frightened and became a mind submerged
Then, several thought and frequency waves chose to become one and merge
Although looking back they isolated me from humanity
It helped me to never think wickedly and desire to splurge
Splurge on violence
Cause as a younger person
Violence was a game to me
A good person was a shame to be
Good people only ended up suffering and being floor mats
I never expected
To be so hateful being rejected
Never did I think that I was a child of scorn so unprotected
But the day I was born
I thought God felt uncomfortable
And He felt incorrect for creating me, so He instantly repented
He felt guilt
For sewing me up and not finishing me off
Like an unfinished quilt
But as time flew by
I learned to with hold tears from my eyes
My mind became mechanical
Thoughts of intellectual superiority and angelic beings
The mind of God took a sabbatical
My thoughts became more powerful
Nearly to the point of feeling supernatural
But I knew deep inside it was all unnatural
Now in that time frame
I was far from being mundane
I had a woman of 8 yrs at that point
Whom I controlled her every aspect of her brain
And I did not hold back or refrain
Neither did I ever take a moment to restrain
But in the end I lost her
Everything up that point I thought I did gain
And that was the beginning of my metamorphosis
To becoming the SkTzO
That you all have grown to read of and contain
I recognized that I lost 8 yrs of my life
Given
Falsely driven
Pushed the love of my life away
At that point
I asked God and her to please have me forgiven
For the loss of my woman
Made me not want to continue my living
All the suppressed emotions
That were hidden in chambers of my mind
Chambers unlocked by her expulsion
Made me get an emotional convulsion
But within that same year
It led me, to a higher and more powerful propulsion
I was then propelled
To a higher level of hell
I was then magnified to be able to show and tell
I would not have to ring my own bell
My soul I would not even have to consider having to sell
I had been a witness
Of what it is to have no family safety
Or true emotional fitness
I grew to miss this
I missed her
The touch and feel of her
I missed when she would kiss this
And it was all because
I lost the very thing
That I controlled, manipulated and was so easy to dismiss
She will never know
That having her in my life
Was the closest thing
To having earthly bliss
Her
I will forever miss
But as time progressed
I was able to then process
Got out of my rut and no longer digress
I learned how to let go, forgive and truly forget
The devil hated me
Because with me he lost his bet
MY appetite of true wisdom
Began to systematically get whet
I became hungry and eager
To be a warrior of God
So I became a true follower
In order to be a living leader
I was then changed
At the twinkling of an eye
No longer did I feel so estranged
Ran out of place
No longer stuck in one place
My moon changed its phase
The sun and mercury were now aligned
Although knowing I fell into the pits of the 7th hell
I knew I now had the power to climb
And God granted me the ability
To express my pains, my strain and enjoyments of past times
In written and/or spoken grammatical lines
Thus to end this figurative line
I am inclined to ask
That you bathe in the Jordan and recline
Ask to dine
Dine with YHWH in mind
For ONLY God can help you truly reach your pinnacle and prime
And in due time
You will see the sign
And that sign will be the right time
And that will be the time
You make effort to turn
Because then you too will learn to discern
No longer only learn by choosing to suffer & burn
But for Gods holiness and character you will unknowingly yearn
And the peace, love and sense of growth
Will be something you never even had to earn!
SkTzO
