180000
4
.
Caught up
in a deadly spin
Spiraling downward
with turbulence,
creating chaos
personal
nothingness
comes alive
to haunt me
with an unseen paralysis
a parallel universe
opening from within
enveloping
tearing at my face...
From the inside
feeling you
here, too
nearly all of
you and i...
On the same
distant plateau
in every thought
suffocating more
by each passing
second, every
waking moment
we walk together
of every single day
what you may see
calm perhaps,
as through
some tinted glass
little hint of
gray matter decay
although, signs
warning alarms
sound everywhere
but, in you
because, these
i have chosen to ignore
at all cost...
Yet, i persist
in my attempt
to send you
what i believe
you need...
Although, you protest
at nearly every turn
i must give you truth, not
only the fruit of your desire,
but the thorn as well
seeing your struggles
through space time windows
between the shores...
Of our private oceans
You cannot see
my distress
the me, you see
seems unafraid...
You cannot feel me
now...
.
.
.
I am here
beside you, still
as you have seen me before
although, invisible...
Terribly, alone...
Stuck
in a place...
With, you solely
wanting, needing you
more than ever
even as you
want and need more
you shot me
at point blank range
...in my face,
sparing my heart
to suffer through
the indignity
of crawling back to you
just for you to run me away
In my gasping thoughts
all i can think of
is loving you,
in another way
although you, it seems
are lost, too
Unbelieving...
And so,
these tears, i cry
mean nothing to you
and to the world
every moment more
i die
inside, my shell
It seems you found
my
...secret garden,
...what you
and
the world,
might think of, as...
Simply beautiful
Is my complex
mobile
dream machine
delicately balanced
between
my world and yours
imaginary in every way,
possible, but true
nevertheless
at greater depth,
still merely a facade,
a decorated
cell,
dressed up
Eden...
Was just...
As you so adeptly
may phrase it
my private world,
my lonely ...room
...in hell
.
C2
