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My heart has been scarred in ways that should be barred. Banned from humanity and labeled insanity. My brain has been washed and everything I thought I knew is lost. Now the new thoughts that get tossed around my mind, play tricks on me constantly, they never let me find peace within vanity. Too wrapped up in my lack of sanity to decipher truth from lies, the devil keeps telling my mind and showing my eyes. But maybe it's me who can't see through my own cries. Everything placed upon me and everything I throw myself into. Lately I'm constantly just searching for a window to fall out. Or a crack in the door to slip through. But i don’t know where that would take me. i guess i rather be here than in a state of complacency. even though HERE has been blatantly, inescapably, the most painfully productive year of my life. i say productive because I’m positive, positive that i’m thankfully alive, therefore graciously, gratefully and faithfully stepping out towards a shamelessly, courageously victorious story for His glory each and every day. That productivity i spoke of is the most lonely place I’ve ever been. it was ONLY in HIM, that i was able to survive. now i'm not just a survivor, i'm gonna thrive. i'm gonna strive to touch as many hearts possible, as many lives as i can. Because of Christ, I CAN. I will never forget how He saved me this year. How He literally pulled me out of hell, or the closest thing to it i’ve experienced, and held me tight while saying “my Child, it is well.” and i felt His love and peace swell up inside me, and i knew He would be beside me, for the rest of my life. and getting to that point, made it the most productive year of my life. and one day i will be thankful for those adverbs that preceded the most productive year of my life, because they will be blatantly and inescapably, the most painfully obvious scars, which will allow me to talk about my Savior, the one who puts the twinkle in the stars :) so don’t be sad for me, because i’ve been through it, smile for me, because I can do it, with Him I can do anything and i know that everything the devils brings will be futile because of my God, and even the most brutal attempts will be in vain against my God. so while it’s been, and still is really tough and the process of sculpting thru everything i need His grace to do is really rough, Lord I could never say thank You enough! for everything, My Savior
