THROUGH THE MAGAZINES I LOOK
LIKE I'M READING THROUGH A BOOK
FOCUSING ON THE PICTURES OF THE GOOD CURVY
FIGURES OF WOMEN
SOMETIMES I WANT TO BE THEM
AS I GLAZE IN THE MIRROR I HAVE FLASHBACKS MEMORIES
OF WHAT EVERYBODY IS SAYING ABOUT ME
IT HURTS
THEY NOT TRYING TO SEE WHO I'M TALKING ABOUT IS THE
PEOPLE THAT SAID THEY LOVED ME MADE ME FEEL HAPPY
I HATE "MY APPEARANCE"
TIRED OF THE COMMENTS
EVERYNIGHT I CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP
I'M AFRAID TO DATE GUYS THEY JUST GOING TO JUDGE ME
FEEL ALONE LIKE I'M THE ONLY PERSON IN MY MOM AND GUYS
EYES
IN THE WORLD EVERYBODY THINK THEY CAN JOKE AROUND
TEASE ME ABOUT MY BODY
AND BE HAPPY WITH THEMSELVES
AND NOT KNOW OR CARE ABOUT WHAT IT'S DOING TO ME
I WANT TO JUST STUFF MYSELF WITH FOOD SO MUCH I DON'T
KNOW WHAT TO DO
TAKE A PILL PASS OUT NOBODY WILL NOTICE WHY NOTICE NOW?
MY SOUL IS EMPTY
I CAN'T TAKE NO MORE PAIN NO MORE SHOT TO THE HEART
I JUST WANT A GUY AN INDIVIDUAL TO LOVE ME AND MY BODY
I CAN'T CHANGE MY BODY OVERNIGHT
PEOPLE THINK I CAN
THEY NEVER UNDERSTAND
I HAVE NOTHING TO OFFER
AND NOW THEY TOOK MY LAST INCH OF HAPPINESS
WHY CAN'T I JUST JUMP OUT OF THIS HORRIBLE LIFE
AND NEVER COME BACK
NO FRIENDS SEEING ME NO REAL MAN
OVERLOOKING MY BODY
THE PETITE SKINNY BODY AND SEEING THE POWERFUL YET WEAK EMPTY LOST SOUL THAT FIGHTS BACK IN ME
IF I BE BIG THE NEGATIVE COMMENTS WON'T CHANGE
OH, WELL WHAT A SHAME!
tiffanyr
 35800
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my appearance
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OTHER POEMS WRITTEN BY tiffanyr
"Negative WithdrawalsAll I knew was to drink from the bottom of the bottle of negativity that was the friend of Satan in a spider web I drank that emotion that was supposed to be conquered ,but it was a side effect of fear that poisoned me and my liver Oh no, I just drank an bottle just a min ago that addiction is strong and stings my throat, but I knew what I got myself into once the sentences came out of my mouth from my brain wires Now I am shaking intensely back against the wall Having "Negative Withdrawals"  |
"My Own Prison "My own prison doesn't have an address or walls it has dark clouds that follows me on my unknown path My own prison doesn't have guards. I allowed my own self sabotaging thoughts to be the rules behind the bars of my story My cell is not stainless steel it's overthinking and hollow, it's tossing and turning within the paralyzing fear of the unknown God and Jesus are my outside connections that holds the key to my new identity Banging on the walls, do anyone hear me? Like lethal injection, my veins are filled with depression, jealousy, abandonment, the multiple personalities that fights each other like drugs in the brain cells I am doing life in prison everyday it shows on my calendar with X's I have my own light at the end of the tunnel of heaven that I need to reach Jesus be my lawyer get your spiritual books out on the table fight my battles, beat my case, so my past can be erased |
"Mood Swings"My emotional characteristics elevates my mood like an pendulum on a swing inside of an office room My mental pressure goes up like high blood pressure on an abnormal day My Mood is like the temperature on an thermometer it spikes one moment then declines the next Like an swing My happiness escalates to the highest of skies Seconds later I'm down in the dumps like being in the coal mines Save me God, redeem me set me free help me fly like the birds you creates Fly me into your spiritual paradise no reservation needed |
"My Little Girl"Still a little girl dressed in pink twirling in the daisy field in my own imagination is what I am in my present All grown up ,but still an lost child looking for adult validation in all the long hollow tunnels getting all delusional searching like an compass for my father figure my life saver my own god in an man who got sin and pride My tears stream like an river behind my fake smile that can't be seen outloud making my own ocean for miles |
"Identity"My identity that I formed from my own consciousness was created from my teenage years of abandonment, self understanding, self body issues In my physical life I am still that 15 year old behind the bars of my own prison My God will break me free from the grip of my own mental health without any prescription medicine needed My identity void was to sleep around, be jealous, compare myself I tossed into the wind and accepted that my true authentic vision is tainted My identity often feels like an empty alcoholic bottle with the little fuzz of uncertainty Today is like an light bulb giving me an instant lightning of wisdom I am not lonely that is just an temporary thought I have no obstacles kids, boyfriend, friends in my way of my push to win the race at my own finish line I am my own identity I rest my case |
"Graduation"Entering high school for the first time mentally is nerve wacking for any individual walking through the doors of an unknown world I felt invisible like fog in the mist of headlights the hallway to the lockers with padlock in my right hand felt like an tunnel with no end in sight As I walk on the bricked lounge walls I would have never thought in my 20s and 30s I would be facing emotions for example: depression, self image, body issues, not fitting in any social crowd, placing boys who used me as temporary means on an pedastal that teenagers get over in their adulthood 4 years of innocent behaviors for my adult mind is like 20years of spiritual warfare but by the end of this month I will be walking across the stage of heaven and getting my halo diploma |
"New Walk/New MeNew baptism in my purity white robe with the halo that is transforming my mentality New vision is beyond 20/20 when I see in your eyes New Prosperity, new golden path to eternity New deliverance in the form of peace New defeat in sight for me against my enemy placing him under my feet New confidence as I stand and talk My new walk is tall and knowledgeable reach high with me I am unstoppable |
" Behind The Gate"Behind the gate is racism, guilt, shame, and pride trying to unlock the lock is sin using every scheme in his little blackbook the evil in you didn't get pass the other side of the grass we all got secrets to hide family hurt that need to get open up wide combinations on our soul stop us from reaching out for help so inside the darkness of the four walls we cry because words that formed sentences stuck deep down in our throats looking for escape Behind the gate Behind the gate we are on the ferris wheel with our minds racing heart pulsing Behind the gate we stand on the concrete looking in Behind the gate we create a pair of eyes that forms tears that see image issues, trust issues, disability issues in each own puddle behind get behind a new gate a gate that is golden in color with a spiritual figure that has no one above him get in line to get behind that gate |
"The Best of Friends"The best of friends love one another as Jesus loves them The best of friends hold unto each other cares like glue The best of friends hold each other accountable with actions The best of friends don't hold back opinions The best of friends don't let the storm break them The best of friends repent from sins together The best of friends pray and bible study together not make excuses The best of friends roll together in Christianity when others roll out The best of friends cry and laugh in just a few minutes The best of friends stand on Jesus platform when haters knock down their tower The best of friends fast for Jesus not for themselves Jesus is above and within spiritual hearts always win and make ann end to sin
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"America"America what to say you say your the land of the free home of the brave no your kicking out God and pushing unethical manners in our face homeless has become the new norm and having little faith they just want an escape ,but America is home of false worship and doing it Satan's way having the church of Satan in every county and state American government planted racism by segegrating blacks into a small area called "projects" in the 1950s ,but we won't be quiet we will talk freely drugs is what the governement won't tell you they did in secret, but the American people won't be defeated |