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I gotta sit first
Before I spit out a quick verse
Because the pain on my inside
Is making me want to R.I.P.
So I have to quickly lyrically go in reverse!
Because I do find my life
Comically filled with demented humor
To be diagnosed
With neuromuscular and connective tissue diseases
And in my brain
Are two hormone disturbing frontal lobe pressing tumors
Told I have dementia
Osteopenia and degenerative disc disease
I awaken daily filled with pain
And I’m still begging to God please
Increase the spiritual morphine
Because I’m begging for more please
I see my attitude is better knowing I will die sooner that average
So I ask Him to at least increase my spiritual cores peace
You gotta laugh at these musical notes
Just because of what they connote
I could never have an anecdote
So I take my daughter and love her to death
And I especially dote
I let go of "my life" remote
And now let God take full charge
Just figure
I use my tongue as a lyrical whip trigger
Shooting and splurging
Forget what I’m urging
Because I’m currently aching
My bones feel like they’re breaking
The devil has taken and continues his taking
But My God almighty
I ask of HIM for power
To not let go or forsake HIM!
God made me a spiritual metaphysicist
Who just also happens to be
A highly articulate astute lyricist
Muscle biopsy done nearly a month ago
I’m still in agonizing pain
But you ALL still see me humbly flowing
Just letting the words flow
I truly have no where else to vent
So I go where the humbled saints of GOD go!
I have (sort of)
Learned to accept it
My imminent death – I’m losing my breath
But I refuse to accept it
I awaken daily just to deny & reject it!
Hoping it will all be a dream
A fanatically crazily thought up diabolical scheme
Just to torture me so he and his demonic followers
Could just hear me whimper then scream!
But it’s MY reality
And it’s kind of difficult to handle this
And still share it
With all of humanity
I used to think that God was just mad at me
And He was punishing me
For my past sins
That may have aggravated Him so much
That He no longer wanted to flatter me
But rather take my mind
And to quickly just shatter me
Admittedly - I was immediately humbled
In the process of medical diagnosis
And each one after the other
I guess He picked me up
After I tumbled and stumbled
And then He became my spiritual prognosis
I laughed it off at first
Because it still wasn’t REAL to me
I thought it was a blessing concealed from me
But now I know
That’s just the raw deal for me
And as sucky as it may be
I still pray every moment and daily
Knowing He hears me
My faith keeps me smiling
Rather than whining and crying
Because before I pray, I have 'His Access Number '
That I'm always dialing
Although I admit
There are times I do sit
Nearly going out of my wits
At times catching some fits
Actually
Quite factually
The pain I endure
Is probably what keeps my heart untainted & pure!
My God has used my suffering for the benefits
Of making me recognize my minute power within the big picture
I now let the wind blow where it may
And at times spit my words out with it
Hoping that the divine wind will hit ya!
I can now see a bit more clearly
I now KNOW that He is near me
And I know that every word that pours out of these lips
He can quite easily hear me
For NOW He resides in this temple – my body
Made this nobody into something and a somebody
I’m a no body to many
But to a few souls I am plenty!
And that is much more
Than I could have ever imagined
And now I succeed in my linguistic articulation
Gone much further than I could ever have fathomed!
So I will continue to write & recite for as long as I can
Nearly gave up many times - too much
And nearly gave up on Gods glorious plan
Directly given to me by His divine breath & hand
So I now easily succumb to His power
And I give HIM all Glory and praise
And I beg He will continue to live inside of me
Working meticulously through me in many ways until my last days!
SkTzO
