Struggling Against Myself

Every Rhyme Has a Reason

No holdin back with this last breath,

I gotta make it all count and I have zero regrets,

Everything rustled into plaace like when fall turns the leaves brown and they drop one by one and brush to their

destination creating an intricate topography of browns on the ground,

Tumbling into place to get me from a to here and theres no place now I'd rather be,

All the mistakes and comming to lift off my own glass ceiling,

Now I've got 20 20 vision and can see now why every rhyme has a reason, every love has a season, every rise has a fall,

Its all set in place and pushed play to help become the you you were always destined to be.

You Can't

Every inch I take feels like a mile,

Trying to scrape my way to the top,

Just so I can pick at the leftovers,

Its true I'll never be on Forbes list,

But I have to try for the little girl inside who wants more than the hole in the wall she called home,

For all the nights when nothing was for dinner,

To put no more than one material in her hand than a single piece of paper that says I master the art of creating ways to

manage peoples pain and remove the physical ties that bing them,

I want to make a name for myself,

And shove it in the face of everyone who said "You Can't"

Tea and Honey

Theres nothing more calming than sounds of a soothing voice,

I eavesdrop on most conversations because I love the way a persons voice exudes like tea and honey,

Telling stories about the ins and outs of days,

Or just quick converstations of hello goodbye,

I love to hear em all told by voices that drip comfort out word by word following the pitter patter of coffe brewing,

The rythm of soft spokeness never ceases to ease my ears,

The only bad thing about a soothing voice is when it falls silent

Uninspired

Today is a day I'm feeling uninspired,

Its like bare hands on ice,

Try to slip and slide this pen to say something meaningful,

But the words never come out like rude overstuffed mouths,

I am chewing on these thoughts just trying to spit it out,

But I swallow it instead,

These words unsaid are hard to digest

No Please

I wanna know what its like to feel pretty the same way a flower knows its beautiful,

I want to feel at peace with God's natural desgin,

I was mapped out to fit me perfectly,

My 6'2,

My big feet,

My waist, my hips, my thighs,

They are all me,

But its not all I'm made of,

I've got heart that beats fast when I hear my favorite song or I feel too cool and I'm tryin to hide it , and it slows down for

sunsets, and when I give pretty kisses tied to his lips like ribbons, 

My hands write a mile a minute in sloppy languages and brilliant thoughts,

Thoughts that go outside the box and swim through the night with words that move quick witted off the tip of my tounge,

I am a woman searching for the truth outside magazines that tell me what I should be,

I define me,

So thanks for the advice colums on body types and climaxes, and...

Live in the Moment

Distracted for a split second,

I almost missed it,

The best moment of my life,

If I would've known moments like this existed I would've started paying attention a long time ago,

And there wouldn't be any reason for regret,

Moments like this make my heart beat two times too fast,

And dive into a head spin,

I wish I could turn this moment into a lifetime,

Insead of wishing I'll take my time and let myself enjoy it,

And for once,

I'll live in the moment

Lucious Love Like

Love like cupcake frosted fingertips,

Love like hands sticky with honey,

Love like grape now or later lips,

Love like chocolate kisses layed every inch from head to toe,

Love like hard candy with an oozey gooey center,

Love that starts off bitter but ends sweet,

Love with colors that swirl and twirl,

Love that makes me fun inside and excites my everyday,

Love like this lucious love I just cant get enough of,

Dusty Old Shoe Box

Why do we loose the ones we love,

Face full of tears,

Head full of memories,

I eventually ran deep across this question,

and craved the answer,

Ive been told it's so we know how important our loved ones are,

and I believe that with all I have,

Its hard for me to stomach that fact and cherish it for what it is,

Those memories are downright cold compared to your warm embrace,

If I could just trade them in for time,

But thats the one thing all the memories I have cannot buy,

So I'll just put them in an old dusty shoe box,

Sit back and watch the tick toc,

And wait until we meet in that sacred place

Wise Words

Heart heavy as I remember the day you left,

I held your hand as you slipped away,

A whole dug into my soul that cant be replaced,

Now its just memories of the rise and fall of your low baratone and all the advice you gave with it,

The boom of your laugh sticks me the hardest,

and what makes me cry the most,

Because I know I'm never gonna hear that laugh and those wise words ever again.

Struggling Against Myself

The feelings I have today,

I shouldve had yesterday,

In the here and now its too little too late,

Like permanent inked on skin,

My mistakes slush everywhere,

Creating uncontrollable patterns of cahos,

Instead of thinking once or twice I'm sold to the first emotion,

And react and attack,

A mature thought process has no chance in my thoughts,

I'm just on the bottom of Malinowski's pyramid,

Wich says I fight for my survival before all else,

Dont think me brave,

According to him thats how a child thinks,

Chasing instant gratification has gotten me tangled in corners,

Leaving me at war struggling against myself