dying too young.

letting my guard down.

It happened without me really knowing,

almost like my brain wasn't able to catch up

with my heart and soul,

almost like it was perfectly unplanned and unattended,

so unexpectedly beautiful.

It was so perfect how it happened it would make the strongest of souls

fall to there knees and cry with the last of the love they had,

with the last of who they were.

How all this settled out to be left my mind in a blur of unknowing,

questioning everything I thought I believed in,

everything I thought was true.

Everything that I thought made sense was now a question to be held,

questions that I still can't fathom to begin to answer.
 

But what I do is for certain about all of this,

one thing I know makes so much sense---

that the love I have for you will never fade,

will never ever go away no matter...

the birds.

i've never seen something so beautiful

that makes me so sad , so full of envy.

i've never seen something that gives me such hope for the future,

something that fills my heart with such wonder

And still makes me so jealous and angry that I could scream.

I hate the way the birds can just fly away from their problems,

from the worries that might behold them in the world

and come and go as they please.

I despise the way the birds can can fly above the clouds

to see the sun coming and going,

how they can see the changing colors that stain the sky,

how they can seem to reach closer to the stars than us,

where my dreams carry themselves to every night.

it makes me sad when I hear the song the birds sing to each other,

or themselves, to life each other up.

the way your chirping echos in a garden,

the way your songs rings m...

broken-hearted girls.

this is for those girls whose hearts are shattered

like window glass and broken mirrors,

whose spirit has twinkled only to a whisper of contempt.

this is for the girls whose mind are lost,

whose minds are warped into some fantasy of what they really need,

the love they’ve needed all along.

this is for the girls who’s lost their way in the world,

who knows not the path that was destined for them so

takes them all in due time.

this is for the girls who hears the words, “it's not your fault, it's going to be okay. You just need some time to yourself for a while.” countless and countless of times,

over and over again because it's a “need to a troubled soul” .

this is for the girls who have been let down and

have been told to just move on and deal with it for your countless years.

this is for the girls who hav...

fair warning.

don't play with me,

be straight up,

get straight to the point on day one or I will

kick your ass.

there’s no reason to lie to me.

if you don't want me---

say that.

if you just trying to ***---

say that, I might want the same thing.

there’s  no reason to be childish and trying to be a “player”.

if you serious and want to know me, know who I am forreal,

be real. don't have me looking stupid later on.

making plans, cutting them other dudes off to be with you,

for you to build with me in the future.

don't waste my time.

don’t have me catching feelings while you trying to be a hoe.

just don't try it, because I will cut ya head off.

I dont have the time nor patience to deal with

that type of stupid, unnecessary ***ery.

if i'm giving you my f...

realizing.

don't love me when i'm gone.

don't text me when you realize you love,

when you realize I was the only one on your time,

the only one real with you.

don't call me when finally realize i'm not

like them other chicken heads that be chasing you,

that you ***ed me over for.

don't come at me with that “ I miss you, I need you “,

don't try to win me back.

don't come looking for the love I spilled on you before

back in the memories I try to hide,

the memories that we made together.

you ***ed up.

I was the one that had you when them chicken heads just wanted your money,

just wanted to waste your time and blur your eyes with the haze of their sex drive,

their drive to steal you away from me.

the thing is… I never did have you.

I never had the real love, th...

blurred vision.

I was never blind to who you were,

what you were at the very start.

you moved like smoke in the room,

the vapor you trailed behind you wasnt hard to see

which gave me the first incarnation that you were no good,

But the way you smoothly made your way to me,

I couldnt resist the vibe you poured out.

moments passed by,

my vision was blurred by the kisses and the affection,

and the "love" that you endlessly flashed in front of my face.

my vision was foggy with your scent -- so intoxicating you came to be to me,

almost like your scent is what dragged me to you in the first place.

my vision was blurred with the lies you told,

the deceit you dripped onto my reality making

what I thought we had a fantasy.

but right before I was going to open up to you,

really give you me like a dumbass,

I real...

dying too young.

She was too young to wrap her neck around a rope,

He was too young to drive his car into a river,

They were too young to walk into ongoing traffic.

They were all too young.

There are too many children, too many teens, too many adults

thinking the way they do,

feeling the way they do.

too young to think they arent worth anything because of the creative mind they were born with,

that the things they wont make a change in the small world we live in as one.

there are too many with the mindset that the space they’re in is used up,

the air they breathe is wasted because the mindset they’re in is diminished

with lies of no real love, no real future,

no hope for happiness because of the past they were enclosed in.

too young to be cutting themselves,

too young to be hurting the people around them by hurting themselves.

letting these lies go

You think its okay for you to feel this way.

That’s its all but a phase and it will fade away in due time…

No.

It ends up gluing itself to you,

Always following you,

Fooling you into thinking that you’re the bad one,

That you are the one that should be punished…

No, it’s a lie.

It’s not going to always be okay at the end,

It’s not going to just fade away,

Its not just going to disappear like it never happened,

It happened.

And one day,

On a day you least expect it,

Its going to come back,

And you’re going to have to deal with,

And it’s going to break you down a little,

And I know someone’s going to have to pick you back up,

And I need you to know,

Its going to be alright,

Its going to end and you won’t have to suffer...

its 3am ...

as I sit here, watching this door in the dark,

my mind wanders to what just happened.

my mind blanks out and replays everything that

was said in that one instant of that long night.

on everything, I regret every word, every loud,

disgusting word I yelled at you.

I know you were somehwere

feeling the same way.

I know you were somewhere fuming with heat and sorrow, wanting to come home.

but I knew you probably wouldnt,

since you know what I would have more to say.

But tonight... if you came back...

I would say nothing.

I wanted you back home,

safe with me, with the little family you have in me,

where you know I love you no matter what.

I burned a hole in the door that night,

hearing myself breathe, my heart jumping at every sound that passed my ears.

after an hour, my heart gave up on looking

so...

whats on my mental pt.1

I have secrets,

too many to explain.

I have secrets that I have to push back, far past my mind.

far past my mental is at existing,

locked in a black box with the word Truth spread over its surface.

Truth.

It holds the memories ive forgetten,

keeping me ignorant of my past that used to haunt me at times,

not just in dreams but in the day,

everything reminding me of who I really am.

its the part of me ive locked away so no one can see

because its the real, raw me.

its the person ive tried to forget for a long time,

the person that is crazy and untamed,

haunted by the past she once was.

It holds parts of my heart thats broken off and I cant put back together just yet,

holding them until I can find the right brand of super glue to put piece them back together,

holding them until I re...