Do you want to understand any kind of self-blame or self-judgement no matter the extent, the behavior(being judged) is a result of what we are doing. No matter how small our doing it has a very equal reaction(the behavior). Dont keep doing the same thing, then get mad at your emotions, feelings, body and body languages, they happen(seem) to come about that way use we operate or live or choose to be that way. The end.
Moral of the story is if you want to be one again(our doing/operation) and obviously love everything (reaction/behavior), then change the things you do to any type of extent that you'll be comfortable of, and see the changes in your emotions, feelings and other things into the level you choose yourself.