I'm proficient in PowerPoint,
Excellent in Excel,
Outstanding in Outlook,
In Microsoft Office I got skills,
Embedding tables, V&H Lookups, Pivots tables, & Visual Basic formulas,
Digging up data like backhoes,
Prolific with specific add-ins and macros,
My presentation graphics are fabulous,
Calculate margins with crazy mathematics,
Got these slides and charts flipping like Olympic gymnastics,
Work magic with these function keys,
Ain't used help menus since 2003,
You want to learn what I know?
Watch some videos on YouTube bro!
Then we can grab lunch, when you Eatin'?
I'll block off an hour and send you a meeting,
Notice... All this meeting in person is bogus!
I'll conference call all y'all, just like I'm the POTUS,
When they asking for forecasting,
I predict future sales with a passion,
Kicking thru these Windows like a Shinobi,
Plus my PDF game's flame like Adobe.
Word is bond like asterisk dot D.O.C.X,
And my Lotus Notes database still remains fresh,
I mess around a little in Access & Visio,
Stopped using Internet Explorer years ago,
Nothing but Chrome cuz it remembers my passwords,
Shout out to IT support and the rest of my Office nerds!
When I Control, Alt, and Delete in this piece,
And change my password for the third time this week,
Pop in & out of documents like water in hot grease,
All you Android & Apple fans is just sheep,
So maybe we still deal with system crashes,
Three or Four times a week on average,
Get to leave work early when I'm blessed,
With the blues screen of death,
Or when I need to save large files I have to hold my breath,
Cause there's a chance it won't save,
As I look at all my windows locked frustrated and amazed,
At how an inferior software conquered the world for decades,
Yet still manages to get worse with each version replaced,
While we pay them more money again, what a disgrace...
WarriorCarryingWater
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Books Written By Poet
Microsoft Gangsta
CATEGORY
just different
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COMMENTS
jlmoore2 says: That sums it up alright! Life in tbe IT world! Lol! |
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WarriorCarryingWater says: Thanks jlmoore2! |
OTHER POEMS WRITTEN BY WarriorCarryingWater
The case for Black american reparations - part 1They constantly paint black americans as the villain... Like we have no value, as our blood is spillin’ Innocent lives, men, women, and children Enslaved for centuries, working for free, to build an american empire As other ethic enclaves were raised, ours were burned by fire Buried, AND flooded with water! Pennies is what I’ll leave my poor daughter As the last names of my ancestors' slavemaster kin Whose net worth compared to mine, is multiplied by a factor of ten! But the playing field is level and things are so much better? Reparations aren’t necessary for 'YOU PEOPLE,' cuz you're no longer bound by a chain or a fetter? As billions of dollars are sent monthly to Israel and Ukraine Why are Black Americans who demand land, education and opportunity d...  |
Imma be ubiquitous!When I was younger, I’d always ask why Now that I’m old, I ask how Things that I was too afraid to try, I do now! I’ve seen and done so many things, that nothing is ‘really’ new If I traveled back into the past Sitting in the back of my 3rd grade class I’d be the fool! Standing on my desk and yelling at our teacher, ‘that’s just not true!’ When you said that Cristopher Columbus sailed the ocean blue He never even made it to America, with the Nina, Pinta, or Santa Maria crew! So why do you keep telling us these ridiculous lies, ma’am?! You know what, I don’t even give a damn! I’m out this #%!+?, cuz I got a plan! I know everything that about to happen, so Imma 'bout to be the man! Remember this day, and recognize my name In about 20 years, but not for th... |
Cling Cling Cling (oh you Cappin!) - SNL parody/remixCling cling cling! Oh you Cappin! Ooh..ah... Cling cling cling cling cling! Man you cappin! Drip splash, water, drip splash, water... C-a-p-p-i-n... Fake news, why they choose, lies over facts when... They act or speak? Lights, camera, action, the plot's so weak! The book was better? Are those kicks plastic or leather? Oh me, yeah, 4 sho’ I’m better! Far from famous But these rhymes might be dangerous Lithium ions spark fast to melt that Stainless… Steel Cybertruck, zero to a buck Under 5 seconds, in a gas truck! Left a huge cloud puff In my wake, nothing but dust! Burnt rubber and regret Knew you was cappin', when you made that bet! Thought you could beat me on any track? It don’t matter, in a race, or if we Battle Rap Imma call cap!
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An author’s nightmareWriting a book, and getting someone to buy and then read it… Self published, so you must be a little conceited Like folks in reality shows, rubbing sticks together to make fire Hands calloused and bleeding, the situation is dire… Rewarded with nothing but smoke, sweat, and char They only care about wizards, comic books and vampires, so your stories are subpar Still you are your own worst critic Motivated at times, but you often regret that you ever did it… Success should be the fact that you actually wrote it But your greed wants readers to recommend and then quote it! Thought you’d do something different, like a contestant singing acapella Gave them scoops of Rocky Road But all they really wanted was vanilla… Confused, you choose to believe that eventually someone will see Years ... |
Take a hit of these themes, and I promise you’ll get addicted!20 declined submissions on my Submittable tracker Nothing beats a failure but a try, but why do I, still feel wacker? Than all of the award winners, chosen by all of the judges... With a chip on my shoulder, I continue to write, despite my ego’s grudges Tears drop on crinkled pages, causing hundreds of ink smudges On the other side of the doors, that I’ve long been knocking on Hide hundreds of annoyed residents, hoping that I’d just get off of their damn lawn My message is unwanted gospel, like I’m a Jehovah’s Witness Darkening thousands of doorsteps, now I’m the picture of fitness! Counting my steps, by the law of averages, eventually someone will let me in... Poor ignorant souls, at least I can relieve some of their sin A writer’s complex, vexed, hoping that... |
Divine rhymeNothing beats a failure but a try Writers, scientists, and athletes all know why Celebrating wins and taking losses in stride Are the keys to success, way more important than ego and pride How many shots missed, paragraphs edited And experiments gone wrong, that never get credited For the all of the breakthroughs and championships If I had a dollar for each incomplete poem and every short story script I’d be a millionaire, not in a room full of papers crumpled and ripped… Up in frustration, arguing with myself, pacing Trying to best express my ideas in a sentence or paragraph The Gods must be crazy, so I won’t show them my wrath... Rather just explain In language so plain The ideas that they put into MY head... These rhymes are divine, do you understand what I just said? |
What’s struggle in utopia?You know how boring a video game becomes? When you have cheat codes for infinite lives and all of the ammo and guns? That’s were millions of Americans are now, in the present day Want for not, plenty of food, entertainment, security and pay Wants and needs used to be like Christmas Day But now, Americans can have almost anything at any time They get away with a petty crime Because it’s like they have Diplomatic Immunity On a daily basis, they act with impunity Secure with their health, family, a career, a future, and purpose Time may change everything soon, they are getting nervous Soon their kids will graduate and leave And their parents will transition and they'll be the bereaved All of the challenges that we once faced now flipped Children become parent... |
How ideas diePeople, organizations, churches, the government, and corporations never want to hear The truth, ideas, and criticism for fear Of change, due to the status quo That and fear is all that they know! You might get new computers, software, or even a different type of report But you’ll be met with disbelief whenever you decide to retort The way that things have always been During your next Bible study, challenge the word of God and you will surely offend All of your sisters and brothers will accuse you of heresy and sin Healthcare for all and reparations for the descendants of slaves? Rather generational debt and unmarked graves During your next work meeting Q&A, share a novel idea or pivot That may improve the build or sales of your company’s services or widgets You’ll be thanked for your feedback and told ‘that&r... |
The future is scaryNothing was ever the same I’m hungry as hell, and there’s a chip buzzing inside of my brain! We messed up the environment, so the planet is lame Ain’t seen electricity or kindness in years, and I think I’m going insane! Material possessions are as a useless as the paper and plastic after a Monopoly game So my hard earned cash is stored and stacked up with the board Just in case the game begins again, and maybe then the almighty lord Will put the genie back into the bottle, because ignorance was bliss I was looking forward to the future But I never imagined this… |
New AfricaIn the not too distant future, an earthquake instantly creates a new land Less Atlantic Ocean, more African sand An entire new island, about the size of Japan! Full of oil, gold, and trillions in other natural resources Dozens of European, Asian, and American military and Air Forces Try (in vain) to claim the world’s newest continent But New Africa belongs to old Africa, justice for centuries of time spent! Mistreated, enslaved, robbed, killed, and haunted like a ghost The world’s most valuable place (and people) finally gets what it deserves most When a new world appears off of Africa’s west coast! |