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While I awaken to the daily struggle just to remain alive
I consider the idea of whether I should continue to strive.
Tired of being wired and locked down into negativity
Due to internal animosity, I can feel the hatred rising in me.
While the life I dreamt of and worked too hard to achieve.
Seemed to have been just that, a dream and now I know I was deceived!
Never feeling relieved from the hatred that I constantly conceive
And now I wonder what’s the purpose of existence, if joy I could never retrieve.
It seems like my life was smoked up in a cosmological bong
It seems as if I had the truth set before me all along.
Cause no matter how hard I labor, I will never grow strong!
And maybe even verbalizing that phrase in itself is completely wrong.
But after nearly two years of struggle
And putting so much effort and never gaining reward.
Makes me question what’s the purpose of striving?
If I’m not meant to be a part of the lord?
It seems obvious to me now, that I’m not loved and not even heard.
And now I look back and realize to have once ‘believed’ was completely absurd.
Two years into it and not just finances but my health has worsened
And people ask me why I speak, there always seems to be cursing?
It’s probably due to the fact that no matter how much I prayed & believed.
The situation we are in never got better because we were never relieved
Of the burden of such pain & disdain in our brain
And to ask me to pray, no, I would rather refrain.
Because praying to God is the equivalent to praying to books.
And realizing you will only accomplish much if you have the looks.
Cause no matter what you know and how much you want to share.
Seems like with God
If He doesn’t have you in His plan, then He don’t really care!
SkTzO
