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Why must I feel this way
Every interaction leaves me feeling strange
Be it good or bad doesn't matter
All of it makes me scattered
Even if it puts me on cloud 9
My inner self can't do anything but deny
Deny it's sincere deny it's valid just out right refusal
But anything negative i may take hard but suspect it as usual
Why does the nature of you and I concern me so
Constantly pondering whether you be friend or foe
When I know the general answer
But wanting the ones that lie deeper
Am I a gluten for punishment
To want the answers to my questions too have fulfillment
Cause I continuously ponder these inquiries
Then decide I no longer want the Answer to these
(sigh) What is a girl to do with a mind full of feelings
A heart full of longing and eyes full of hopeful beginnings
Do I ignore the female inclination to over think and over emotionalize
Or do I hold on to it all and just try to realize
A man of such caliber will reveal when the time is proper
Letting me enjoy it fully or giving my feelings time to find a stopper
Something to just learn to block off the built up inner tensions
Over the sexual sensual encounters that happen all the time but I try not to mention
Especially to self
Eff trynna even explain it to anyone else
Explaining how a kiss or touch can give chills from skull to tail bone
Is like trying to explain why a loner loves to be alone
It really just is
Like a container matches to a lid
There's no real why to analyze a situation so sensitive
Maybe not to you maybe not to the other but to me it is
And i try so desperately to ignore it all
Kind of like the pride before the fall
Just bottling and building up closer and closer to explosion
Watching the world through rose colored glasses of distortion
So this wise man this man of worth
F**ks my mind ceaselessly and gives it birth
Bringing to life thoughts and feelings I never previously had
And the thought of not having what I want from him makes me mad
But I do know that he gives me exactly what I need
Even if it's not his heart, his life, his hand, his seed
I just get from him everything I could never ask of another
He's a best friend, the closest of kin, and a lover
So I'll keep him close by
Letting him silently keep catching my eye
Thinking evermore on it all
Ignoring my pride before I fall
Just letting it absorb in my flesh
Like an osmosis-ized mess
Where it, in turn, can make me, eventually
A woman he can love entirely
