Lost Faith

I Can't Breathe

I can't breathe as the bullets pierced through my melanin skin

I can't breathe as the devil's knee rest on the back of my neck

I beg and I plead

I can not breathe

I lay on this hard surface knowing my death is awaiting me

My true crime being a person of color

Society will paint this monstrous picture of me

Title it, "THE LIFE OF A CRIMINAL"

They will say I had it coming

The n*gger should have listened

The n*gger should have not been resisting

People will demand justice for my death then my name will fade and be forgotten

Because another black death is on the horizon

I can't breathe

I am suffocating in a world in which I am the prey being hunted like some animal

My lifeless body is their prize

I can't breathe as the life leave my eyes

I can't breathe

Searching

I am searching for the light surrounded in darkness

a different path beside between a rock and a hard place

That warm gentle hug that melts the stress away

I am searching for that Godly love

That unconditional love I am searching for life that make death flee

I am searching for joy that smiles at me every time

I am searching for the remedy that heals all wounds

I am searching for certainty

Always able to pick and choose

Does not manipulate

does not control

Is not envious nor is it boastful

Casting out hate not with hate but with love

The kind of love that liberates

The very thing God has promised

the very thing he has placed within me

I am no longer searching because now I have seen

The love I have been looking for has always live within me

I am the essence of love

love conjure through me

Black King's Love

Time

Maybe I Will Learn

He

He walks in the imagine of God

He is the angel sent from above

To love

To nourish 

To cherish

He see me as the Queen I am 

I see the King in this man

He prays with me

He prays for me

He and I are connected spiritually 

He lay his head upon my lap 

for he knows I am his comfort

I lay my head upon his chest

for I know he is my protector 

He speaks with authority 

This man is anointed by the one true King

When I look at him

I feel God's love through He

He inspires me, 

little does he know 

I will give him my heart

for He feels like home

I am able to love freely

because his love for me is unconditionally 

He caresses my mind

He make love to me mentally 

But he is only a ...

Vindicated

Practice what you preach before you come preaching to me. 
See, 
I'm the type of person that exposes your congregation to the truth. 
Now your whole church 
see through you. 
Throw me into a lion's den, 
the next day I'm vindicated. 
You're Saul 
and I'm David, 
we both know who is 
the true king in this situation. 
 

To Be or Not To Be

He says he loves me 
but only when it is a convenience. 
I say I love him too 
but only when I have no one else to say it to. 
I'm his midnight fling 
while he is my man 
when my man and I are going through. 
Always my second best 
while I am 
always the bottom of his list. 
I ask to have his kids, 
he ask for my hand. 
Just a little game we like to play. 
Commitment is just one of those phases we dare not faces 
but he nor I are willing to walk away.
Maybe it is love that allows us to stay
Maybe it is the fear of loving that allows us to stray 

Forever Tomorrow

I get so caught up in my emotions 
my mind over flowing 
with words that my mouth seem to never own 
My heart I built a wall around it
numbing my feelings for the moment 
Emotionless
Risk less, 
never do I want my heart ripped out of my chest again
By a man 
By a friend 
By my mother
By my father
Love is just a word without the action that follow 
I want one's heart I can have
not one's heart I can borrow 
The heart that will love me today and forever tomorrow

Dear Hennessy

Dear Hennessy,

Why must you come between my relationship

Why must you poison the mind of the man I love?

Becoming a monster when he is drunk

Trepidation engulfs me when I see those blood strain eyes looking back at me

Preparing myself for this verbal beaten when I hear anger in his speech

Tears rolling down my face

A cry for him to see I am not his enemy

Saying a silent prayer,

"God please help me to only see the good in this man.

Please reveal to him, my heart is in his hands."

Trying not to let this pain turn into hate

Telling myself, "You need to have faith.

For tomorrow will bring the man you love."

How can I forget those words lingering in my mind?

Scattering my heart every time

Fighting to hold on to my love

my passion

my admiration

for the man who lives within me

but I only feel disgust

...