Damnn, my mind seems as if its empty soon as i decide i want to write. My thoughts are plenty and running wild, so heavy it's like just to write what i think has now become a fight. I grab a pen and an old pad but no ink is leaking...damn, i cant focus because there is so much i want to verbally explain that no one ever seems to notice. IVE BEEN.... Hypnotized, victimized, better yet diccmatized of the sexual relations that make me feel loved inside & im never realizing the pain i gain but after all...it is self I blame for misunderstanding my selfish games. Im sooo piSsed at myself because it is self i dissed, it is self i missed & it was sexual desires that i could not resist that held lust in the mist of every fucckin breath of air i inhaled (sighs)....LORD how can i repair something I at the time was not aware of ??? This is no confession, more like realization of my self worth because not only is this about my sexual desires. Must i admit there were some other issues prior within my self situations, frustrations, humiliations, and a few of my lacking strips for motivation. Not everything is fuccked up within but it damnn near feels that way when i cant even trust to have decent conversations with paper & pen. Christians act so holy telling me i need to repent and ask for forgiveness, and see im trying to find a way to just release every thought but everything is so clogged up. Bad memories from a child hood experiance changed the way i felt about my own appearance & though I've always kept myself suited and booted....just to feel beautiful someone damnn near had to prove it. I felt as if i abused the gift God blessed me with in soo many ways but if i must say it is self i blame. I sold my body for materialistic things, hoping that the body could change being broke into better days...sex gave me a better pay but i was not realizing the deepest part of me was moving astray & closer to hate. I was playing in the devils play pin with the Lords words hanging on a noose around my neck preparing me for death. I feared no evil because i know who i am now and who i was is the same woman that brung me here today! I blamed self for soo long that i didnt need repentance or ask his forgiveness because it was self who had not forgave when he already had. It was self that misunderstood that blessings are never mistakes and God only works if you meet him half way. Lady Nya the Queen 👑
Nya_Pargo
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Self I Blame
CATEGORY
life
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COMMENTS
Poetiq1der says: Peace and God's Blessings to you and yours....A fabulous articulation of visceral thoughts!!! |
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Nya_Pargo says: Thank you! |
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RonnieL says: Felt this piece deeply. Love the identification of SELF! So true, this goes back to our African ancestors spiritual philosophies, must know self to elevate within. Salute |
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2b2b2 says: Great Purge...thanks for sharing....ONE |
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Ezell-Dazh says: A divine testimony. I'm a better being after reading this. Strength abide you still...peace 👑 |
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after vision says: my poet, you won't be a poet if you didn't have days or weeks like this. keep pushing |
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LP45 says: Sometimes our best works come from our hardest experiences. This was a very good write. Thank you for sharing this Nya. |
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love_supreme says: Excellent write. |
OTHER POEMS WRITTEN BY Nya_Pargo
4th Born GoddessI taste like Yin but I talk like Yang. I am no ordinary mortal, I am a Goddess of the moon with a sharp tongue blazing with fire from the sun; you'll find me relaxing in comfort holding the purest glass of wine with pleasure on a throne because I am exotic & I am home. I have pearls bleeding from my neck as the moon sits above my head but im not just one woman, oh no! I live between the sun & the moon like a threesome many fantasize about. I can be very moody but quite frankly my mind is fast ***ing, elevating, chakra balancing & of course I leave them confused. I am the matte black lipstick on a woman who says she hates to wear black on black ...I am the woman that makes you feel so ***ing alive that even in death your heart would still pound like drums beating at a parade. Jumping for joy your soul screams hurray & you become the type of magic you were taught not to believe in back in the day. I am creativity role playing. Transforming in my second ski...  |
The Brown flower and Ghetto BeeI am a brown skinned flower that got hipped on game by a ghetto bee some time ago. I am deep rooted in attributes that leave skid marks like light years and a thousand stars. I am rebirthed from the after birth of 12 tribes & 7 sins. My lifetime is a Cliff note of notebooks that hold my center . I break gas & break fast like taking ritual milk baths in Gods placenta while eating breakfast with Peter & 6 others who cant be trusted. I came out early because well…overall tight spaces just tend to bore me. Don’t get it twisted, understand i still am that ghetto girl. Most men want some & most men will never find one, more or less never confined in one such as authentic & spiritually divine as i. So supreme look at the the way the sun beams on my carmel complexed skin, oh yes! Look at the way the moon runs cycles around me; glowing equally bringing me nothing but love, harmony & prosperity….. You most likely can find me on my down time ... |
I Like Being AloneIn a room alone i feel at ease with peace above all needs! As the melody plays i think of all things as you know 💠being alone is well...just one of those things. See, alot of folks are afraid to sit alone in silence but i happen to be one in touch with self and intact with a spirtual soul so im not afraid of the slightest bit of quietness...those are the moments i dift & reach to a higher virus of righteous guidence. Opening my 3rd eye and feeling astral projection vibes like being alone is my greatest high. Touching skys, seeing stars wondering if i ever had a choice would i travel the earths boundaries just to taste the wildest berries and locate the scrolls of every lost soul. Never mimicking bibically but speaking to them spiritually because of what i have seen beyond just physically. Take them to higher places show them that the body is only a mere part of who we are but the soul is who we are designed to be. Poetically speaking in tounges which i dont always un... |
Self I BlameDamnn, my mind seems as if its empty soon as i decide i want to write. My thoughts are plenty and running wild, so heavy it's like just to write what i think has now become a fight. I grab a pen and an old pad but no ink is leaking...damn, i cant focus because there is so much i want to verbally explain that no one ever seems to notice. IVE BEEN.... Hypnotized, victimized, better yet diccmatized of the sexual relations that make me feel loved inside & im never realizing the pain i gain but after all...it is self I blame for misunderstanding my selfish games. Im sooo piSsed at myself because it is self i dissed, it is self i missed & it was sexual desires that i could not resist that held lust in the mist of every fucckin breath of air i inhaled (sighs)....LORD how can i repair something I at the time was not aware of ??? This is no confession, more like realization of my self worth because not only is this about my sexual desires. Must i admit there were some other i... |
The DNA testThe truth hurts 🙊 and I've never been the type to hold my tounge on important matters so when its all said & done and the results come back...feelings are going to be hurt but realize one thing at the end of the day GOD controls this so what ever choice is made if you decide to remain in her life or leave it well alone, let it not be one another has made and set for you because your afraid to move the way you feel in your soul is in the best instrest! Stupidity and lies are NOT within me so I will NOT be apart of what was NOT sent for me or held accountable for anothers choice that was NOT made with me or by me but rather given to me freely by the hands of YAH because I trust only in the most high & understand I AM NOT BLIND! Wise enough to know that this again may be the wrong time....i was afraid to even get attached to a child i was not sure was even yours or not. I dont trust in my heart because the heart lies; the heart deceives and the heart bleeds which therfore m... |
Types of Ni66uh Vs. Type of ManIt takes more then a hard dicck, a wet tounge and a couple of I love you's to keep a woman who knows her worth, Understand I have been foolish in my life more then once or twice. Failed relations due to lack of education & though im filled with knowledge i never studied hard enough on the physical & mental sensations of the lustful drives that kept me high inside, See they wanted what was between my thighs. I was young & filled with pride, too nieve to even study if a ni66uh was telling the truth or a lie.... shyttt i believed if he said it then he ment it; I believed if he was there then he cared & I also believed that if I loved him, he wouldnt have to creep. I done had all the types & I used to wonder why my life wasnt right. There was the pimp type, the player type, the control freak, the drunk & high all the time cant keep a job; abusive & all of the above type s....the gangbang cant take care of his kids type ni66uhs, the let me hold some money; ... |