My life been crazy, mostly only I know. The only other person that knew the full scope decided she didn't wanna be here no more.So thanks a lot hoe, now it's just me in this mess. I pray for you everyday, but God knows what's best. So let me give you the run down since you been MIA! Hold up, my manager coming, you know I still ball and parlay.I figured I'd take up this writing thing since I'm in my head all day. Hell, at least I can write it all down, maybe the thoughts will escape me that way. Girl I done dealt with it all, from fake females to s that say they mean me well... All lies, I should have known it from the you was in, that still outchea wylin, guess he tryna lose again. Jesus Christ I can't even finish my thoughts, my manager just stepped back in... you know how that goes, "Oh I just wanted to talk to you for a second, about the work you've been putting in... I appreciate all your help, but higher management said your job is about to end." Little do they know, I stay on the job hunt, so that really means nothing to me. I still have another job, guess I'll be putting in that OT. I read Ecclesiastes yesterday, and all it talked about was how meaningless life is, so enjoy what you have because nothing lasts to the end. Hard work comes easy for me, hell someone has to do it, The Bible says you only reap the benefits if you go through it. I know God knows how humble I am, so I'm trying to figure out why the struggle so real. Why me in some BS, playing the single mother role, working two jobs, online school just to gain better control. DAMN IT, IM OVER IT! It's like every time I lose, I'm tryna live righteous, but after reading Proverbs I feel like a fool. Maybe that's why this constantly plays me, telling me lies in the midst of great conversation. But I'm up on game , I GOT THE ***ING JUICE. If I continue to pray, fast and believe, I can never lose. He got me til the end, and even after that. I'll let you play the dummy, I'm through with all this , because if it's one thing I've learned , I can take constant hits. I didn't chose this life, this life chose me. I was built for it, that's why mf's cant see.... can't see where I'm headed, can't understand why I'm still standing, can't figure out how I do it... if they ask, I'll tell them. It's my God in heaven that gives me the power, that defeats all opposition, still giving me the knowledge. Yea He puts me through tests, but that's how you get ahead. He can't bless you if you're stuck in sorrow, unwilling to get out the bed. So I'll sit here at work and blast dipset til Jan 7, I've been saying I need a new job, I guess The Man was listening. I'll put the work in, and continue to do me, can't have a testimony without a test, so give it to me. I'll come out victorious, for all to see, and give God the Glory... that's how it should be. Franchon, I gotta go, guess I'll do some work, but the way my job is set up, it comes with perks...
Lee-Ann
 2100
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A letter to Franchon
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life
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OTHER POEMS WRITTEN BY Lee-Ann
Let’s playThis love ain’t it. No you can’t make me count to 10 so you can go running off. I’m not going to keep hiding my eyes just for your benefit… I know this game, oh I know this game very well…Them samehiding spots, I already know the deal. This love ain’t it, this ain’t home base, you either here, or you not here.. you pick the place. Be wise when you running tho, see I done played this game before; all that hiding in plain sight, I can’t give the game no more… No more trust, no more hurt, no more shower cries… no more understanding, no more kindness, no more of my time. so you can use it to blind me, throw it right in my face. I can see you, I hear everything you don’t say. You think you got me right where you want me, gloating because I bit.. bit the lies, bit the compliments, bit the dream you dealt, bit the hook of love and happiness.. but remember I played this game before, and I refuse to be it. |
GalaqtusLove is yesterday’s news, that’s the easy part. I want the consideration, rage and the humbleness.. I want the shackles off your heart. I want to laugh, I want to dance, I want to say I do… I want the sappy texts, the love letters, I want to be the person you finally feel safe opening up to. I want to be everything you dream of, your hearts desire, that dispensary grade love, your lighter’s last fire. That perfectly blended drink, can’t even tell it’s liquor....but you feel that heat tho, got you starting to remeber..Those broke Skegee nights, let me feed your hunger... your purple and gold soul, I want to be your thunder… That money you wasn’t expecting, and it’s Friday night, I want to be that feeling you get, when you finally see the light. I want to be your everything for the rest of your life.  |
Thanks PandoraHow you let a lie to you, I mean over and over. Steady making up excuses so you can trust him again. Sitting up crying, listening to 90's RnB, wishing he'd be like those men. I just want something real, the Mary was referring to. All I get is so lonely, this the wrong vibe boo. I thought consistency was key, at least that's what you say. Whole time I still need someone to run to, just trying to excape. Sitting up in my room, telling myself I'm fine... "Oh baby believe me, it's only a matter of time." I hear there's a thin line between love and hate. That line just got more defined. Every time you tell me something, I'm forced to think the opposite. It's like you want to keep me reassured, but you can never deliver it. Everyday I wanna pick up the phone.... I 86 that idea realizing why I'm staring at faded pictures on the wall. I'm too good for this, or am I? Its too late to be first in your life, we're already your... |
My Everything, My AllJesus You're my everything. My dependence in the midnight hour. My confidant when no ones near. That little bit of wiggle space, between that rock and hard place. My help from the mountain top, my shelter when it's cold. That perfect hand that's dealt, so i never have to fold. You're the happiness I feel when I look in my daughters eyes. You're the lesson that I learned when I see that man I despise. You're the job I go to everyday, and all the bills I have to pay. You're every blessing I receive, and every goal I achieve. Lord you're with me every step of the way, my reminder to pray. You're my reassurance, my everlasting hope. The light at the end of the tunnel. My everyday gloat. Because I know what you've done for me, and I know you'll do it again. Lord thank you for loving me, and being my constant friend. |
PsychoticInsecurities all day, how do you deal with it? Back and fourth in my mind, my personality is split. Don't let me go on WebMD, giving them my symptoms n ... next thing you know I'm terminally I'll, seeking prayers... THATS IT! I've had enough, I'm done. Idk where this is coming from, I'm cutting everyone off like I have a black thumb. Everything I touch just withers and dies, can't even touch myself, I'm corroding my own mind. All the worrying and what it's, please make it stop. It's like my mind is steady going, like an energized clock. Am I mentally ill? Am I going insane? I never grieve, just put off the pain. My mind is trying to protect me, creating alternate views, like someone working I a scent shop using coffee beans to yield perfumes. I make up stories all day, writing down all my thoughts, letting the pen illustrate all my faults. A broken vessel I am, just so vulnerable.... Lord please fill me up, let the cup overflow. ... |
self destructionThis love thing is tricky, it will test your faith... the problem with me is, I can't tell what's real or fake. "Don't treat a boyfriend like a husband" that's what they say, but I'm not going around picking and choosing when to act a certain way. I'm not a casual dater, I don't play the field... I'd rather spend my time with someone I feel a connection to, something that's real. When we're together it's like magic, everything goes right. Ain't no stressing, no attitudes... I even sleep at night. Butterflies all around me, it's like my insides come alive. Dark skin somehow flush red, my smile I can't hide... I will always keep God first, but you too protect me in this land, just waiting on forever, that band on my left hand. But what if I'm not the one, what if our love is different? What if you feel like you can do better than me? What if you've painted a different picture? Everyone enters your life for a ... |
money problemsIf money is the root of all evil, why is it required to live? Debt collector just took 225$ out my account, I didn't even authorize to give. What am I suppose to do now? I don't even have gas, Im currently at my second job saying, "this too shall pass." Praying To God that He gets me through this financial crisis, trying to fight the good fight, be honest, live righteous... I'm a struggling, single parent, but making more of than the average. Picked up a second job, just to cover the damage. Damage done to my soul, damage done to my credit, just trying to stay busy, and I'm still indebted. Enslaved in my mind, enslaved in my time, punching in and out at two jobs 365. For what when I have family at home with dollars stashed? Just kicking back, relaxing from flipping fast. Tempted to tell them, "Hell flip my cash." Scared money don't make no money right? I wanna stack money to the perfect height. Let me live vicariously through you, let me g... |
Sucide alertCalled her a few times, even went by her crib. Saw her car outside, she gotta be in the bed. Na, she at least text a saying she cool, my anxiety starting to creep up, wtf should I do? Why she acting brand new? Imma go get the keys from Fahj and just go up through. Got all the way to the crib and couldn't move. Now I left my keys and phone in the whip, prepared to carry this . Got stopped dead in my tracks, her lips blue n . We staring at each other for what seemed like forever, damn Elese, it wasn't that bad was it, I mean could have gotten better. 2 rifles laying on her body, and a box of bullets, with her favorite picture of happily ever after. The smell in the house almost sent me straight to the toilet. Tried to pull her out the closet, was heavy af, I just ran out the crib, this too much. I remember exactly what you had on... my curly Keshia. I pray everyday your soul is saved, Lord I beseech you. I'll never forget Feb 15, 2014... I remember it like yesterday... |
suicide watch...You used to be my brother, good thing we ain't blood. We had a bond like no other, it was nothing but love. People already knew, when they saw YAL, they saw me too.. 3rd wheeling at its best, *** it, we the crew. You had my utmost respect, my sister loved you to death.. too bad it was literal, but wait we ain't there yet. Crazy thing is you turned out to be a MF dog, slaying hoes left and right, guess wifey had Ya collar too tight. A beautiful nightmare the turned out to be, she left her daughter behind, damn she was only 3. It's like I'm stuck in a time loop from Valentine's Day. She had to stay home with baby Lai, you needed your time to play. Next day erupted, shorty called my phone crying and cussing. She was completely defeated, I could see it in her eyes. The she married, the father of her child caused her demise. She decided right then, I couldn't tell her . She got up, swung her hair.. and bopped to her whip. Ain't here from her in a couple ... |
Whats this feeling?What's making me feel like this? I can't figure it out. I'm not eating, not sleeping... walking arounf with a pout. Things are falling a paart, my energy is drained, Lord I'm ready to let go, I'm being filled with pain. I try not to worry because it's a lack of faith, but the flesh is taking over. I;m just trying to be great. I'm trying not to give up, I'm just going through the motions, holding on for dear life, to the words that are spoken. His actions aren't adding up, is it just me, or is he joking? At this point I'm lost, wishing and hoping.... That he comes through in the clutch like I believe that he can. Maybe I'm expecting too much, putting too much pressure on him... forcing his hand. But I dont ask him for , at times just a shoulder to lean...he isn't even there for that, there's no damn in between! I mean whats the point in us even talking? It's not like baby girl knows him, we may as well stop it. I'm ready ... |