My truth for a Queen

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As she crys while throwing shytt out of anger, fighting to continue this dangerous ride of emotions... shes tired of being unheard and only hearing the whisper of her own  voices. Shes afraid of being left alone although shes truly never been alone but honestly, who wants to be? That was the question she asked herself before she packed her shytt and said "I'm out this bytchh ive had enough of his shytt". If I've learned anything from life I'd tell you it ain't about whats black or whats white... I done had black eyes and praying to white Gods asking why is color is even relevant while looking up to a blue sky. Breaking down not because my skin is brown but because my skin has been scared by different men and i... No longer can pretend their exsistance doesnt exist, especially when I've almost lost complete hope in my own exsistance. I've been willing enough to lay my soul on the line.... Layed next to a man unprotected and because of trust i never thought of being infected, layed next to a man because of lust i never thought of distrusting, layed next to a man and because of anger i never thought of being in danger and layed next to man because of love yet never feeling loved. See as wise as many may seem everyone asks her why she allows to be misused and abused hmm... Well honey i guess thats what shes use to & thats true but then two i never knew what it looked like, only seen what my mother & father went through. We all know that shytt in the movies, the fairy tale happily ever after story...none of its true! At least not in my world. I was a broken girl from the start but thats no excuse because sometimes i dont always play my part. I've been around and to be quite honest im not proud of my choices but those same choices are the reason I'm able to speak so fluently about my trials & tribulations. Never seeking for their sympathy but for my story to be heard with dignity, thats why i tell it through my poetry because i want to be viewed differently. I've loved many so its hard for me to let go of past scars when most of them have been physically embedded into my skin And yet... Here again im recollecting collections of places i have previously been. Married now but thinking of them as if they are the reasons... or should i say he is the reason that im laying next to a man closer then kin, that I've called my bestfriend since wayyy back when... Highshool was never poppin & back then i was house hoppin. Tryna make a living from group homes & the system was you know, keeping minoritys like me labled as hoodlums... And since trouble comes in many different shapes, sizes and forms; i was naive & ran to the 1st ni66a who opened his arms to show love. Back then, I was introduced to many things; never gave into the pressure of doing drugs but those same thugs who slanged cane would often want me high just for the pleasure of being between my thighs... Like i would say yes if i tried and shot a few lines And... Since im telling my story i might as well tell it open and honestly soo, next thing i know from not doing drugs My pu$$y became the plug & i aint ashamed cuz when ni66as didnt show love at least they made it rain But with the rain came much pain because i started to love getting money for materlistic things Fuccin ni66as in exchange for cash not even knowing they 1st or last name & its shytt like this that makes me want to empower young woman growning up in the game Not to do the same. I can feel the negative vibes from those with hate in they eyes Mumbling saying shytt like "look how fast hoezz is getting wifed up" Judging & mean muggin not knowing a damnn thing about us Yeah i see and hear you. Just remember everybody has been through a struggle, and because my scars may be different then yours Dont ever pass judgement when your sins may cast deeper wounds that create a wall of wars dividing people like me who have been deeply scorned. Im here to release my anger, hurt & pain so by me tellin my truths theres nothing here to gain. I just hope it reaches a girl i use to be and that she finds herself to become more of a useful queen. Lady Nya the Queen 👑