A Fiend for Feeling

The Tree

How do you heal when you are still bleeding?

How do you overcome pain when it is not receding?

How do you love without trust?

How do you build a home when the foundation is covered in rust?

You can structure a house from the ground, that's not stable or sound, but it's only a matter of time before it all comes crashing down

We can put a smile on but "we" are dying

You think my emotions make me weak because I am crying 

But I am at my brink and I am tired of denying

I want to love you unconditionally without trying, not based on convenience and functionality

Something more I can hold onto than sexuality

How do we make a future for us with no substance

If it doesnt matter to you my stance

How are you my knight in shining armour with no lance?

It was said that the tree remembers what the axe forgets, even with blood on your hands

You can't protect me because you stuck...

Eagles in the Sky

It's crazy how someone who never made love to me can love me unconditionally

Thats where we are f***ed up emotionally cuz sex is just love tained or the physicality 

You got the vision let  me paint it I am tired of seeing what I see

So ironic we talk about God and finding true love, our struggles and how it will be sweeter once we make it up above

Our reward out of this world nothing tangible

We can be so iconic but the success seems unmanageable 

You are my soulmate and just because you can't relate to what it feels like being next to me under the covers you can't debate I would be your best lover

I am in love with your mind and it baffles me how paralell we can be when something is eating at me it is easy to see cuz when someone is beating on you I feel it in me.

Solitude

My days are fast and my nights are quiet

growing weary growing tired

feeling like old age is catching up

never wired

I decided I dont mind it 

never thought of refocusing myself until I tried it

Maybe a recluse, solitary confinement

For years I denied it 

Told you I had to get used to my climate

Solitude is the best type of private

My sleep is so peaceful

the nightmare has been hiding

and I dont want to find it 

my dreams have been silent

Started to get off track 

I just needed an alignment 

Time

If I could grant them

one more moment

to be together

these 2 young people

their entire lives ahead of them

they patiently wait

I wait for no one

The feeling between them mutual

both young and beautiful

mass of curly hair 

on top of her head

she lies on his chest 

as they rest 

in his bed

telling her I am the reason he cannot commit

He may go overseas

opportunities are endless

scared to death of losing him

She is a mess 

so naive

When it comes to love

her pain, salty liquid

that travels down her cheek

If I had only brought them together 

In more convenience

they could have

the chance to experience

What life would be like together

But they cant and I cant

cause I am s...

Conflicted

Some people you are meant to love from a distance

see, thats what leaves me conflicted

to chase money, or the existence

what existed between me and you

because I miss it

Is that enough for revival?

Had to sacrifce you for my sanity, nothing tribal

But as long as my nights are cold

I am in denial

That the best thing to do is cut ties

Like you're a rival

You're arrival once brought a smile to my face

but its been awhile

Bittersweet are the lies 

that you tell me in your disguise

A wolf in sheeps clothing

Hard to see with the naked eye

Conquer and divide

all the relationships I have tried

So tell me what do I do?

Do I give up on Love, or

do I give up on YOU?

In My Feelings

No I dont want to talk

I will turn my phone off

Confused about how to feel

Conflicted about how to deal 

Never been in this position

All I ever wanted was a smooth transition

Now I am at a loss for words

Yea that is a first

Wear my heart on my sleeve, always exposed

But my heart has to bleed, and I dont want anyone to know

or anyone to see

My vulnerability

Take my kindness for weakness

the two are contradictory

I am kind, never weak

Theres havoc inside of me 

madness as we speak

and it it brings me to me knees...

You will never see.

Sabbatical

I need silence. There's nine inch, nails in the coffin. Too often I'm coughing, I'm choking... keep smoking. You keep provoking me.. misleading me, mistreating me, deceiving me, I can't keep letting you beat on me. Emotionally. Feel like I am dying sometimes, I got to stop crying inside,  there has got to be another route. Right now I need a time out...

The Reason I Didn't Answer

I am not bitter I am not mad

nor am I cold

no I won't be sad

I just think it is time 

I give you some space

those words you said to me were like a slap in the face

and I resent them

but don't take them back

honesty is already something we lack 

and if that is how you feel 

I will hold my head and my tongue 

I need time to heal

So maybe I will wait for the day 

you say you want me back 

I can't guarantee I will be here

I am just warning you now 

so you don't have to wonder

I am okay I won't shed a tear

this is your blunder

remember when you didn't call

I waited up in fear

thinking you were with someone else all along 

when you should have been here

I am not an amateur 

I know w...

The Reason I didn't Call

How many times have I cried myself to sleep

as you laid there right beside me

turned your phone so I couldn't see

in the middle of the night when you thought I was asleep

those days I craved your affection

but you were so cold

warm body next to me 

I needed your attention

should have been sexing me 

yet you turned your back on me so bold

the hours we stayed up and talked about change

I thought it was sincere how you spoke my name 

it was your priorities you had to rearrange

and put me back on top of the game

but that never happened

we are still bickering and battling 

back at it again

no change no progression

never taught us a lesson

we should be growing like adolescence

we should be showing each other why I deserve a ring 

That's What He Said

He said the condom wrapper was from an experiment and the woman in his phone was just a friend he gave me his word and I believed him how stupid can I get only I do know the truth I just didn't want to admit it he told me he had changed I knew that he didn't the lipstick was from his sister and so was the compact so quick to be dismissive so good at putting on an act these are the lies that he told these are the things that he said and never ever will I fall for it again