ts735bSTUDENT10 | Poetry Vibe
ts735bSTUDENT10
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RUBY

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Anorexia Nervosa Revisited

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life

Views: 204

More than two score years since elapsed since incipient onslaught of slow suicide by starvation to death.// Though more than four and a half decades transpired since mine psychic state plunged into the abysmal depth of despair, the nearly invisible filamentous tendrils of this self consumption (attestation that a body deprived of sustenance famished to the point where cannibalism of thine physical body) augmented at refutation to supply a growing prepubescent with essential nutriment.// No matter that chronological age = LVIII, I incorporate poem to exemplify persistence of my attempt to cease existence when barely out of boyhood.// Thus, this remembrance of an absolute zero value to live presents a synopsis i.e. grippe of near death when Matthew Scott Harris literally wasted away to nada so lovely bones.// Where thyself feels emotional and psychological frozen at age thirteen;// Despite fifty eight birthdays elapsed since cataclysmic eruption rent asunder// Psyche, an internal maelstrom wrenched worthiness-pitting mien as blunder.// Bulldozing with razorblades former childhood wondrous glee raising suicide// Quiet riotous ambition, a painfully slow (self starvation) mine inexorable ride// Which chronological frieze kept hog-tied.// And hide bound this one grown male Dredging haunting spectre – where to be gratefully dead – within Elysian dale.// Youngest me two female progeny segued untrammeled ten plus eight years  February fourth two thousand seventeen triggered flashback to wretched tears.// Sans that insidious roiling jagged stone shredding/ thwarting desire to be alive// Shockwaves extant to this day - no matter long since recovered from nose-dive.// Emotional, psychological & social repercussions hound me present mental state// Indelible permanent scars (per anxiety, panicky, quirky tics) seem never to abate.// Try as I might to shake free from the riptide affects that drowned this boy to grow// He experiences an especially perilous remembrance of that abysmal infernal woe// When thee second punim o thine two lovely offspring passed that milestone age.// With nary a hint how her papa felt locked up within his abysmal agonizing stage// Impossible to forgive permanent harm inflicted not only on self but searing pain// My late mother & octogenarian father whose angst this dada insight re: did gain.// From bringing forth his own progeny which years eclipsed at break neck speed// Whereby each special daughter evincing greater sturdiness akin to hardy weed.// Bound to surpass their dear ole mister mom permanently branded with ghost// Of Christmases past for never knowing thee potential that burned black toast.// And hunger pains even to this day frequently blithely ignored as if still callous// Tempted, lured and baited by hand of death this grown man wished inxs to kiss.

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