Faded

Faded

I dwell in this hell I created,
Faded and at this time im shameless...
Fake smiles, pretending I dont hate this,
Swallowing a poison that's tasteless..
Wasted potential, far from blameless,
Blatant disregard for feelings, I get drunk and shape shift...
Pain weighing down my greatness,
So every day I weight lift....
Stay lit, trip over things that soberly id think was basic,
Apologize to what friends I have left, knowing they're losing patience...
Im famous, for destroying love, like me and hate made arrangements...
To always stay together, as i mumble disrespectful language...
And whats done is done, like I wrote it in permanent marker, nothin can erase this...
Forever broken and alone, and I accept that, that's exactly what the case is.. 

Listen

Silence breeds a thousand thoughts, time with no motion makes a moment feel like years...

this love spell...

 wheres my mind at? lost in a time cap...
wishin life was a movie cuz at least then i could rewind back...
cant change the past so i fly through my present with this dime sack...
running from depression, yet this black cloud seems to follow me where ever im at...
how can my thoughts be so dark with all this light inside my heart?...
that only beats to a beat, when music's the only thing that ignites a spark...
any other time i cant feel, like am i dead? and how was i killed?
was it the alcohol abuse, the broken heart,the loss of hope, or these pills?
i jus want to breathe still, through lungs that are full of cold air that leaves chills...
from this ice box i call a chest that once carried a heart that only she steals...
stolen, im all alone and i wanna ask for help but my silence is still golden...
trapped in all these bad memories i wanna escape but its too late, im closed in...
trapped in ...

single female

 i could tell by the first conversation we had that you really didn't have a clue...

how to go about having a conversation since the main thing we talked about was you...

about how u always get cheated on, even though u always stayed true...

your relationships don't last past some months so you're always looking for someone new...

claim that no one is worthy, not even considering the fact that its the ones that u choose...

after all you're only as good as what you're attracted too...

as u talk i can tell that you're the type that watches all those romance movies...

fantasize about love, one that doesn't face facts, you live off of assuming...

you'll find love while searching instead of letting it find u, and i don't mean to speak rudely...

but u make yourself too available and present yourself as everyone's groupie...

you're an easy target to hit and u cant hide it, you're the only one you're foo...

know better

 When I was younger I would have seen past her flaws, tell myself her past didn’t matter…
Like my love was the strongest in the world, and I could clean up her life’s disasters…
I would have treated her better than her last, walks in the park and love letters…
Would of told her all my deepest secrets, but not now, I know better…
I knew she had it hard by her eyes, she needs a helping hand, usually I would offer mine…
Kiss away the tears while she cries, my heart wanted to save her by design…
She’s looking for love, she’s looking at me, it could be her and I together…
I want to take her under my wing but please, I know better…
Sh*t I’ve seen it all before, played the rebound, been a crutch…
To one that wasn’t with me because she wanted but needed, always needed too much…
A broken heart if not healed shatter...

her denial

 Your friends told you I wasn't sh*t, but you didn't wanna believe it...
You see the signs but you trust me, you love me, you couldn't imagine me cheatin...
After all I'm so sweet, give you the attention you need, and you've never been mistreated...
Nor do you feel mislead by anything I've said, jus the thought leaves ur heart a lil heated...
Still the doubt gets the best of you so you decide to follow me when I'm leaving...
Jus to make sure I'm at work and not creeping around with other women in the evening...
You noticed I'm goin a whole different direction, you almost lost me, hit a turn so fast your tires started screeching...
Pulled up in front of a motel, you parked on the other side of the street to watch as your eyes started leaking...
You watched a petite brown skin girl walk out of one of the rooms to greet me...
Couldn't believe ur eyes, you even had to rub them to make sure you weren't seeing things.....

Autumn (fall)

 the leaves change, like we've changed...
ah storms comin, i can see the rain...
pouring down her face, i can feel the breeze..
i know our summers gone, and shes about to leave...
the nights are comin faster, the sun says hi and bye...
she took my heart with her, im no longer alive...
see we fell in fall, and then winter arrived...
i sit here frost bitten, tears still frozen in my eyes...
she left me in the snow, while she chased her spring...
as i remain in this cold, still chasing ah dream...

listen part 2

 the last 1 was so deep I just had to make a sequel...
some of my own friends threw stones and tried to hide their hands like I aint see you...
I tell them don't get it twisted just because I rock with you don't mean I need you...
nowadays people are so sick they find joy in finding ways to mistreat you...
that's why I thank God for this huge heart, I aint gotta know you to feed you...
when others bleed like I bleed, we all sin, we're all equal...
so I aint met a soul that I was too good to speak to...
don't believe people who say they're good people when everyone is capable of evil...
just got a letter from my mother man she's always speakin that deep spit...
but my head be so far up my own azz that I'm surprised I didn't peep sh*t...
strong enough to soul search when my heart is at its weakest...
and try not to fall victim to these pity parties caused by these liquid demons...
I have a lot...

freezing summer

 When june came it was like doomsday, I witnessed the coldest blizzard...
Of emotions when you said that you were moving in with her...
The seriousness in ur eyes was colder than december...
And all I could do was stand there and freeze as far as I remember...
See I wasn't expecting snow or else I would have worn my coat...
Of defenses if I had known that u would leave me with no sense of hope...
We were suppose to b enjoying our summer home not sliding down this icy slope...
Leaving me skating on a frozen river of bitterness until the ice jus broke...

Changed Love

i know its possible to have a change of heart, i think we allowed ourselves to change love...
when we make love, i know that you can tell that it really aint the same love...
emotions became numb, i can tell cuz i dont look at you the same when i wake up...
plus the drama and the arguments, we break up just as much as we make up...
i thought we could stand the test of time you know, that good old aged love...
the same love that wont allow me to breathe nor leave, we got that caged love...
the type that, cant stand you when you're here but miss you when you leave, that strange love...
that we cant see eachother with no one else, cant see us by ourselves insane love...
not thinkin of all the history we have, the things we did to make it last that made us...
instead we dwell on the past, all the bad that seems to be tryin to erase us...
i guess we somehow grew apart, kinda let life change us...
moral of the...