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The Cunning Linguist
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lightness in the dark
For every beautiful woman that you see somewhere, somewhere there's a man who's tired of looking at her.

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CummPuter {A Short Story Poem}

CATEGORY

just different

Views: 291

December 2016

"Welcome to technology!" the old man yelled with glee,
"'It just cannot be done' is what they once were telling me,
but in the early 90s when the World Wide Web was born,
I knew that what'd be poppin' on the World Wide Web was porn."

"Of course you have those Pornhub vids play all into the night,
but what do people have with them when calling it a night?
A bunch of useless nothing 'cept some toys to take you off,
I'm proud to introduce good folks my new app 'BreakYouOff'."

The audience was silent in the massive conference room,
as digits on the laptop screen were fastly on the move,
in ten or fifteen seconds everybody heard the sound,
of moaning from the laptop as some letters twirled around,

and stopped after a moment spelling rapid BreakYouOff,
the old man said "Investments now are sure to cake you off."
The demonstration happened and the peeps were d@mn amazed,
the man asked "Who wants in on this?" Like steeples; hands were raised.

May 2017

Candace lay in bed that night frustrated to the core,
her husband was beside her fast asleep and playing snores,
at decibels so loud the long deceased would get up quick,
but Candace felt so sick; another night to get no d!ck.

It wasn't Randy's fault; she understood he spent his days,
at work like an indentured slave so she could spend his pay,
on things she didn't really need but felt she had to have,
like name brand shoes with random bags and purses; d@mn it's sad.

On this night in particular she wanted it real rough,
to feel it in her gut like mama's cooking fills you up,
so Candace left the bedroom feeling somewhat stupid when,
her little footsteps took her into the computer den.

Now Randy was a techno geek who kept up on the trends,
in new computer hardware and he had it on demand,
while Candace's intent was just to surf the Web and stuff,
arousal had her past the point of being wet as f*ck.

Her fingers danced across the keyboard; Ginger; Fred Astaire,
pornography was running wild; uncensored everywhere,
with old school flicks of chicks who took hard men and made 'em soft,
that's when she came across the application BreakYouOff.

For fifty dollars monthly she could put her lust inside,
a lover who was virtual enough to customize,
to look and act like some man from her wildest fantasies,
as Candace read she smiled and thought out loud "Yo that's for me."

With credit info entered Candace tried to render quick,
an Idris Elba double with a nine to ten-inch d!ck,
it took just half an hour's time to have her wishes met,
one look had Candace out in rainy weather; dripping wet.

She donned the VR glasses and was taken to a place,
of candlelit seclusion; Idris naked in her face,
his voice was that of Stringer Bell as he caressed her cheek,
and whispered softly "Candy will you PLEASE have sex with me?"

She nodded once as Idris peeled away her skimpy clothes,
and kissed her from her clavicle down to her ten pink toes,
and back up in between her thighs; no hair was barely there,
to catch the juices cascading into her derrière.

He entered her and Candace thought she'd maybe visit God,
through gritted teeth she growled out to him "Baby hit it hard,"
and Idris did comply; he tried to knock the bottom out,
which made Candace arrive intensely with alotta shouts.

The Next Morning

Randy woke up quite refreshed; a sleepful night at best,
a fifteen hour workday had him almost fighting death,
a shave and shower cleansed him while some coffee dared the night,
to keep on top of him that's when he wondered "Where's the wife?"

He found her in the den at the computer fast asleep,
"She must've dozed off surfing on The Web; now that's just deep."
still Randy loved the life he gave to her with all the perks,
he kissed her cheek goodbye before he jetted off to work.

Two Hours Later

Candace came to yawning; lower back like rugged steel,
"The best sex of my life" she said; although it wasn't real,
her heart belonged to Randy but her loins were aching soft,
for digi Idris Elba; she rebooted BreakYouOff,

but this time Idris came to her just like a mastodon,
so big yet Candace missed the fact she had no glasses on,
"I love you Candy" he declared with eyes a glowing red,
then scooped her body up while whispering "Let's go to bed."

Six Hours Later

Randy slammed the car door as the sunlight shined right where,
he stood outside his house ecstatic at the bright idea,
that'd come to him while working and he knew the time was right,
to blow off his assignments and to go surprise his wife.

He knew that he'd been like a mouse when chasing after cheese,
ignoring Candace in the process and her basic needs,
so Randy had it in his mind to do the things he must,
by ravishing her body; Randy planned to bring the lust.

The house was somewhat eerie in its pin drop silent song,
it put the vibe in Randy's heart that something was quite wrong,
his right hand carried long stemmed roses; champagne in the left,
in walking past the den he saw the d@mn thing was a mess.

Computer parts lay everywhere across the room's big rug,
and Randy saw dismayed that everything was strewn in blood,
the sight of this was frightening and nothing seemed too well,
he heard a noise then looked up in surprise like "Stringer Bell?!"

Aside from red eyes glowing homie's likeness was the same,
and since he loved The Wire Randy's hypeness was insane,
with thoughts of all five seasons of the show he loved the best,
though not with a machete's foot long blade shoved his chest.

Him falling down face forward only pushed it deeper in,
he crawled along the hallway carpet; blood just seeping in,
then Randy reached the bedroom door; his dying eyes peeped in,
at Candace laying there resembling someone sleeping in.

The only thing that cancelled this comparison was blood,
that pooled amongst the bedsheets; on the walls it splattered up,
her eyes were staring open to the other side of life,
as Idris walked up brandishing another kind of knife.

He drove it straight through Randy's head; no question Randy's dead,
then Idris started pixelating colors as he fled,
right back into the den amidst the broke computer things,
then traveled on the air into a broke computer screen.

The Next Day

Homicide detectives stood there going through the kind,
of thorough work you'd find when someone has been brutalized,
but they were somewhat baffled and of course it didn't stop,
the couple had been murdered with the doors and windows locked.

Detective Michael Carson labeled pieces in the den,
he thought that this whole case would be them peeing in the wind,
his gut said it would go unsolved which was a h3lla thing,
as he then closed a laptop; Idris Elba on the screen.

©2017
The Cunning Linguist

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COMMENTS

 

social seer says:

Hilarious in parts but generally too sprawling and hackneyed in plot to rise above a pure farce-which perhaps was all that was intended in the first place.

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