On the Attributes of Being Average -- poem title

I wanna trade in my stubby spindleshanks...,

(a poor excuse for legs),
and get me the latest
sophisticated prosthetics advancements,
whereat integration of cultured stem cells

into custom made appendages
allows, enables, and provides
unfortunate recipients of amputations
to experience sensations.
 

No more will yours truly
(skinny legged sexagenarian)
envy amputees fitted with smart limbs

equipped tricked out arms and legs,
cuz he will be proud owned
with false limbs
(mainly legs, I did not decide
about equally spindly arms)
finding a once nasty, short

and brutish solitary
Norwegian bachelor farmer
transformed into a very charming, tall

and humane debonair troubadour
rivaling the likes of any swain.

No insult meant
for those handicapped,
who experience(d) phantom limb
perhaps linkedin to
fierce near...

Growing my hair down below my knees...

stimulated courtesy follicles,
where Coconut, Olive, Grapeseed,
Jojoba, Amla and Vitamin E oils
allowed, enabled,
and provided head start
germinating peach fuzz into brown strands
after Flaxseeds, Pumpkin seeds and Fenugreek
being sprinkled on my scalp
yielded a bumper crop of hirsute weeds
occasionally tripping me up

analogous to hallucinogen
causing a public health hazard
warranting, necessitating, and goading me
to give shout out for stylist

to tender mine lovely brunette locks,

which might be repurposed into a wig
for patients undergoing chemotherapy,
or afflicted with alopecia,
(the partial or complete absence
of hair from areas of the body
where it normally grows; baldness).

As a knobby kneed, puny,

scrawny, wimpy kid whose,
(back in the nineteen sixties),
his parents d...

Unsettling premonition kickstarts fiendish abomination

Consider the following
dogmatic, enigmatic, fantastic,
idiotic, jargonistic, kimetic, linguistic,
narcissistic, opportunistic,
poetic, quixotic, rhapsodistic,
scholastic, transformistic,
universalistic agglomeration
as an abbreviation

overactive imagination
wrought demonic manifestation

unaware reading dictionary
could engender garrison housing
Century 21 ghostly conjuration

paranormal shenanigans this
Lake Wobegon resident
grudgingly attests perturbation

disembodied spirit betook
(analogous to Casper
the friendly ghost)
"FAKE" spooky introduction

primarily cause ethereal
phantom of the opera mine
diaphanous doppelganger actualization

forcing agonizing confrontation
blindly highlighting spectacular illumination

constituting undeniable declarati...

Try mumbo jumbo chicken gumbo soup saith dumbo

Yours truly an unfortunate hostage

within Homo sapien zoo

presenting poetic hodge podge

and mis mash to you

looking for unwitting subject(s) to woo,

and albeit impossible mission) to free me,

where within human bondage I stew

more specifically mine personally

custom designed invisible
prison self made,

thus wishing to don persona

of such an éminence grise

as Jawaharlal Nehru,

and trumpet courteous helloo

before bidding kith and kin

and fellow humans permanent adieu.

When free and clear out of the blue

methinks I hear a voice

calling me matt chew

which intones do

please try a healthy dose - Mister Fitzhugh,

a Louisiana creole speciality touted

as psychological cureall within Hangzhou

capital of Zhejiang

shen...

Detailing delicate defecation debacle

Otherwise wordily titled: pooped out

after pouring bucketfuls of water into
place of ablutions

all the while skipping to my loo

umpteen times courtesy bathtub faucet

turned toward hot temperature

so toilet would finally,

magnificently, and royally flush.

As ofttimes occurred in the past

anonymous reader's time

I once again promise to waste

concerning asinine verbiage

without this bard arse feeling shamefaced

broadcasting his fealty

to posterior predilections must appear

(as rearing to volley rebuttal

against fans of mine) yours truly

ofttimes discusses that byproduct,

which issues out buttucks) narrow-based

if not downright banal, gross, offal... in haste

to craft something more philosophical

how craven potty talk

whereby theme doth self debase.<...

Easter as interpreted by one...

rebated, rebelled, rebirthed, rebooted,
and rebuked courtesy
one ill shod Unitarian atheist,
who means NOT to affect

any sacrilegious fallout
nor offend devoutly religious
man, woman, or child,
when the most important
Christian holiday notated,
a veritable “movable feast”
occurs Sunday, March 31, 2024.
 

Though avast percentage

of stonehenge temple piloted ghosts,

harking back millennia

constantly zip unseen thru aerospace,
easily being mistaken for led zeppelin,

they unwittingly espy

woolly sheep hush fleeced herd

profoundly religious village peep pull

plodding fast as their

cleft hoofs take them

along well worn path

of former crusaders
analogous to Riders on the Storm.

Among acquiescent, concupiscent
fervescent, juvenescent

I dread the United States presidential 2024 outcome...

Whereby yours truly presages and doth abhor
nothing short of an imminent civil war
dwarfing insurrection on January 6, 2021
oddly enough even reducing
ordinary decibels to a mute whisper
madding crowd trumpeting cacophony of ?th?r
drowning out sense and sensibility
allowing, enabling, and providing
golden opportunity for anarchy to run rampant
one issuing, earthshaking, and booming
as one collective soul with pride

against prejudice queercore
amidst pandemonium of lawlessness
voices at the forefront ear splitting din
most all social media platforms
buzzfeeding, jump/kickstarting,
and twittering bigotry,
gender inequity, and misogyny nevermore
gender diversity celebrated
reveling harmoniously think
arranged marriage of Kokila and Kishore

parents (most likely deceased)

of Menil and Amit,

one form...

SAFELINK TracFone synonymous...

Dear SafeLink Customer,
(one of the many recipients includes me).

The Federal Communications Commission (FCC) announced that the Affordable Connectivity Program (ACP) is ending, and April 2024 will be the last fully funded month for your benefits if Congress does not provide additional funding.

All ACP customers on all service providers will be affected but we have made it our highest priority to keep you connected. Even if Congress does not provide additional ACP funding after April, and the FCC only authorizes a partial funding in May, SafeLink will fully fund your ACP benefits through May 31st, 2024. This will give Congress more time to fund this program without impacting you.

Aforementioned bulletin elicited following:

SAFELINK TracFone synonymous...

not only as my lifeline,
and connectivity insurance
with family, friends and strangers,
whereby yours truly
experiences...

Just because an impetus arose...

to repost poem
(I chanced to locate
amidst plethora of poems on hard drive
of Macbook Pro)
written more'n a half decade ago
before yours truly
blissfully oblivious to crypto-
currency shenanigans linked into

fiendish scammers after which
I (especially me button nose) didst glow
(giving Rudolph the red nosed reindeer
a run for his money)
whence rage,
on par with wrath of Khan,
whereby mine money
witnessed lightspeed outflow.

Thank dog, and cat,
no pet tee filed - late fee
incurred from this
sole heir, matted son
Avenue of Harris communiqué
to his youngest sister
busy as a queen bee,
her name mentioned
backwards solely for
wry ming sense – re:
garding Dunning-Harris Shari:

Not there need not
be any clear cut,
nor cloudy total

Matthew O' Harris Ease A "FAKE" Irishman

Saint Patrick's Day, or

Feast of Saint Patrick

Lá Fhéile Pádraig

invoke even non Irish to proclaim

Éirinn go Brách

translated as "Ireland Forever."

Though semitic thru and thru
yours truly (me) dons guise of being Irish
trumpeting hoople linked with
the folklore and culture of Emerald Isle

juiced tin he nuff tame afore
thee 2024 Saint Patrick's Day,
(hens this faux written accent

donned to sail hub berate won big todo
fur those peep pull

o' Eire rush deuce cent)

aye pretend, and thence make oop
duff fallow wing vary minor event

harkening back e'er sins this generic gent,
hooped tubby imp poet hint wannabe,
(who hapt tubby absent
without leave from Brogue kin home
since a lil whippersnapper, and accident...