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Our whole lives in just two years have been raped & perverted.
Feeling the angst of emotional dissipation and feeling deserted
For I have tried to have my anger transformed & converted
Into something positive but my pain has asserted.
For waking up everyday and feeling rejected
Has created in me a beast that NOW wants to be projected
For the ‘hate & anger’ against life has been undeniably injected.
I feel ‘The Father†I was told to rely on did nothing to have our lives protected.
And for that, how can I show respect or love
To ‘a being’ that can not, Nor lives up to what he states?
And then I’m being told that I am to blame, or too weak
Because I “don’t know†what is truly at stake!
If you sit and scientifically take our circumstance & dissect it.
God can not find a stone to cover his lies and have his principles protected.
For he said to rely on him, then our lives will be blessed
But since placing my heart and offering my wife & child to him,
There has been nothing but heartache, high levels of stress and the desire to cause distress.
I admit proudly that I am now a child who feels physically ill and emotionally unstable
Because I declared God my savior to whom anything He is capable & able.
And although the statement is true He is not very resourceful
Rather, He has become the very cause of agony and made us remorseful.
You created us and then set the rules in opposition
Then you question why humanity has such a negative disposition?
You have created an orchestra of pain and Broadway rendition
Of the purpose of pain and joy for which there is no competition!
Sometimes it feels like I’m being discriminated against
Because I don’t have ‘the faith’ I’m always told I should hold.
And since I don’t have the faith expected of me
I’m considered an outcast and not part of ‘the fold’.
I wake up and no longer do I want to exist.
But the desire to achieve goals is something I can not resist.
And no matter how far we drop I continue my fighting
‘Cause one day I have to reap rewards and eventually be delighting
Feeling the joy of achieving the many dreams that I’ve dreamt.
It seems like I dedicated myself for no reason
Still suffering as for nearly an eighth season
Making me feel as if I am a child born with scorn and punished for treason.
Spitting & dispersing the various curses
That has befallen since the day the sun darkened
Take heed and carefully hearken
Feeling the pain supersede with no one to intercede
As I cry & plead in my darkest moments of need
I feel my spirit has fleed and thus fled
Spiritually corrupt & now dead!
What truth has been forced over the years into my head
Was once an adverse learner & discerner
Too much concern for which that is why I now burn.
Why take concern for the universal sorcery
Which there has been so much biblical forgery
Why the false righteous teachers & preachers become the new rock stars
Creating emotional, spiritual & physical scars in the hearts of those
Who once went with the flow but finally chose
To defuse the tide that is currently low.
Low tides swallowing human prides
Even of he who confides
And ends up believing the lies
Told from religious leaders who themselves take bribes.
They have become the leaders of new which were originally from days of old.
Because although most are in humanity many years old
Are the various liars that burned true faithful servants in the burning fires.
For not following or believing, in what they were forcing them to believe.
And historically nor rhetorically
Most true servants died in vain for following the emotions of their brain
Not allowing themselves to restrain or refrain
From the daily lies told in the level that’s mundane.
And for that, I loudly proclaim that it is such a shame
To praise His name and simultaneously place it in blame
For I see the disgrace in my own face with such distaste and shame.
Keeping my head low with my eyes focused on high.
I no longer care to try to look God in the eye
Because for too long He has allowed us to cry
Pray to him for though He is not worthy to rely.
I can not nor will I allow my heart to fail me
Because my anger has nearly forced me to give up, and almost derailed me.
But my spirit still soars up in the sky no longer asking why
Because my life is in MY hands and not governed by fate
By destiny or by some spirit that dwells in nothingness
And tries to berate my emotional state
For it appears that the God I took time to study and worship and create a relationship with
Wants nothing to do with me
So I will save Him his time, effort and withdraw my energy from that direction.
Because I can honestly say that God is not the cure to the sinful disease but most likely He Himself is the infection.
And I do not need an emotional downgrade or any intellectual protection
Because for two years of hearing silence, I already know what it’s like to feel rejection.
And to feel alone and abandoned is the worst feeling any heart could feel.
And I have decided that I will no longer allow my heart to fire up with zeal.
The only zeal that will remain honest and for real
Will be the zealous seal of joy for my creative ambition
Which will give me strength to move forward & heal.
‘Cause for too long we have wasted effort & time
Thinking that Gods ears were set forth to mine
So that he could hear what I hear and feel what I felt
But I now recognize that for no reason I took so much time when I prayed as I knelt.
SkTzO
