8000
Deprivation of adequate nourishment
particularly during during the critical years of puberty
one factor I surmise contributed my stymied, stultified
and squelched maximum growth of my body, mind, soul...
as if this now middle aged mwm counted among famine stricken.
The core of this atomized aural, cerebral, earl
lee pupil per deaths depredations led me to explore
deep hidden and longing per suicide
nobody within thine family of origin fully understood.
The plentiful though finite nutritious resources
extant within the hearth and home sans majority of birthdays spent
could not nudge nor budge this Earthling
to sustain his burgeoning, decimating, and fostering harmfulness
to thyself, when just a mere whippersnapper.
A glimmer of ghastly images
brought into stark focus via the occipital lens
an emotional distortion, and revealed revulsion
enough to silence thine corporeal being with one last breath.
Speculation found me ruminating why
an abortifacient appropriate decision
never made, which the fluke of biological reproduction begat
despite both parents willingly aspiring to bear offspring
yet, unbeknownst to themselves
that their only son would experience
pervasive sense of worthlessness.
Only later in thee life of this scribe
did omnipotent bonds of cohesion and joie de vivre
supplant the kamikaze orbital downward spiral
pointing at self induced demised, now which psychological state
poses inscrutable mystery, and usury of precious time
Whereat now, each moment savored
scrunching thy brow with deprivation for healthy maturation
and shake this head in bafflement, what aversion to existence
witnessed hollowed cheekbones, and mere skeletal specimen
most frightful to those who loved their heir unconditionally.
The nightmare engendering total apathy towards self
akin to mental nuclear obliteration casting an internal war
reconnaissance reached against mine recalcitrant quiet riot
thru stealth reconnoitering remedy visited upon my fountainhead
reinstating repatriation of thine boyish body, mind and soul.
