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I was lost,
Misrepresenting myself like a fool
Forcing myself to become someone that I am not
Blindsided by my false realities, at the worse mental state of my life.
Depression kicking in my door
Dragging me outside bare assed
Shaming me..cursing and belittling me, forcing me closer and closer to this grave that I am fighting to escape from.
Eyes looking at me and judging me
Attempting to cripple me
And force my hand to commit the ultimate sin
Friend enemies smiling in my face yet praying for me to fail
Deviants shaking my hand while trying to console this inconsolable heart that lies behind these walls.
You cannot possibly understand the sh** that is lying behind these walls
My mind’s racing from one side of my head to the other
Processing, collecting attempting to separate the lies from the truth
Questioning my faith, while searching for a higher high that can take me beyond cloud 9
But there is no drug, no words, no picture or song, that can give me what I am in need for.
F**k this Crown ain’t even hitting the spot, but as soon as the room start tipping and my mind start floating
I find a way to chill the f**k out so I can catch some of my thoughts.
And although that would be the ideal thing to do
Today I need to be sober
Today I need to go cold turkey and accept this s**t as is and look at life for what it really is
To sit back and ask myself why?
Why should I speak out when my own people refuse to do the same
How many more must die before we realize that the battle that we think that we are fighting is really with ourselves
Why a woman would call a man a deadbeat yet constantly choose to bare his seeds.
Then decide to continue this cycle of not caring instead of charing and building a strong man or woman into someone amazing.
Why are men acting like boys and focusing more on trying to one up the other man, when really the only man that he should be trying to one up is the one he see everyday in the mirror.
Why wanting to do better and being a better you, is considered bad
But getting f**ked up and turning up on WorldStar is just the thing to do.
The woman is root to life, without them we would be nothing
And although I am supposed to be a man and stand strong I still find myself bound by the very laws that has be bestowed upon me before I was ever born.
Looked upon as a thief, thug, an ignorant fool all because of this color that only a few are able to look beyond.
While reciting this land is your land, this land is my land in my head until the in me realize that no this song was not made for me.
Just like the man that I have been praising from knee high, that I have begged and pleaded for salvation only seems to pull further and further away from me as my eye sight becomes more and more clearer.
That the man that I see that is written in the good book looks nothing like the man that is on my church walls..
Or that while it is known that Adam and Eve was laid up in the garden of eden the big mans first two individuals roamed the world but was never spoken of.
I can recount the scripture without recounting the verses, love myself yet still find a reason to hate the man that I see everyday.
Get told by the very ones who continue to judge me every Sunday to seek God and ask him to help you love yourself
Yet before I go to sleep and go out into the world, all I have is the love that I have for myself, otherwise I would have taken a bullet to the brain years ago
