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Lately, I myself try to debate me
Admittedly, I awaken and I myself begin to hate me
Feeling like Satan is having fun while he repetitiously rapes me.
He enjoys the feeling while he simply desecrates me
Angry cause God continues to allow him to devastate me.
Our lives seem to be just like a riddle
Where me, myself & I are stuck dead in the middle.
At this moment, appropriate words are pivotal
Making me move forward to become so very cynical
All my effort to succeed is made to look pitiful.
Writing down the angry angst of all my mental frustration
Eating me to the point of spiritual food deprivation.
Feeling like I’m asleep in a horrible dream
But Satan’s scheme
Has made me to believe
I could only be happy with much more cream.
I seem to have constant demonically induced evasion
Offering verbal, linguistic financial persuasion.
But I like a fool, swimming in an empty pool
Continue to believe in Gods eventual blessing and so I pray & drool
As our circumstantial pain continues to be our teaching tool.
Exaggerated moments of turmoil
Into my bed I run to, and hide and then begin to coil
Feeling the vanity, insanity, and profanity, of my humanity.
Viewing what’s happening to daughter, my wife and myself is such a tragedy.
It’s a travesty to see the analogy of pain begin to be real
Was once full of zeal, seeking for Gods eternal seal
But it appears he hasn’t heard my cries or seen my tears
So I will continue to fight in my plight feeling insecure & full of fears!
Why hasn’t he answered is my only question as I continue to plead
Seeking to do better deeds as my spirit endlessly bleeds.
Just why, does he deny?
No matter how much I cry!
I can not continue to rely
On something that up to this point seemingly is just a lie!
God is real; I’m not a fool to believe that there is none.
But too much suffering has led me to believe that Satan has already won!
I sometimes question, who exactly does God desire to be saving’?
Seems like he is doing more forsaking than any kind of saving
The wicked thrive while alive.
And the good-hearted are praying and always working hard slaving!
I’m speaking ‘cause the pain is now out of me just leaking.
No longer desiring to be teaching or preaching
Exhausted from the pain and strain
And yet like an idiot I continue all of my searching & seeking.
SkTzO
