When a heart finally cries

My one

I need help

This is the first time in a long time that I’ve said this

I regret the time I ignored your message 

It’s sad because you were all I had ya know 

I wanted to marry you but the one I’m with is currently high on coke

And is still in love with someone that lies down on beds but has no home

Oops no one was supposed to know

I’m ashamed of what I’ve become 

An addict for addicts who couldn’t give a ***

Who couldn’t show me love

Who I could never trust

It’s sad how this is the first time I’ve written in a while 

I miss the idea that I would have your first child even though we would face a bump in the miles and you would have met someone else and have a few from them but you would always come home 

And we would be together again

Confusing

Since when was love just something to be said after I make you cum

after you asked me to come over?

Since when did I become so stupid enough to do it?

It’s confusing 

I’ve never been one to believe in love or even think I was good for anything past my tongue or the gem between my thighs

But you spat confidence at me, bent me over, slapped it twice, kissed it nice

Let me rain all the pain that your clouded thought thundered in me at night and said bye

I remember the first time you said it, it was your first orgasm 

It must’ve been my 30th high

I don’t remember every detail

It’s confusing 

I said I loved you back 

This game I was losing

Choosing you over the girl I built up inside to stop people like you from slipping a finger in to sly

You loved me as an experience not as a per...

Heart eyes

I just want to hold your hand sometimes when you’re yelling 

Tell you I’m sorry 

For being unbecoming 

Tell you we could forget about what we said and walk away

But I love you too much so I’ll run instead 

We need to grow before we plant seeds and root our way to our dreams 

Maybe when we start being adults and doing grown things our relationship will bloom into something they can’t unsee

We could be #goals 

Let them forget out #hurtbae 

And call us the new lovers new age and we can only be healthy if we love ourselves first

Even if we put each other first

Just know I loved you first

I could take a few weeks, a few weeks and maybe even a few years

Before we understand seeing eye to eye is more like listening ear to ear

Take in each other’s plans...

Muddy

I think dirty gorgeous 

Filthy with wishes

I wish to be plain Jane beautiful 

Simple long hair

Maybe a curl or two

Two bold brown eyes 

Melanin for days 

Enough to make God clap 

In approval 

Enough to make the earthquake 

But I’m too dirty for that

I’m too filled with dusty hopes

Hoping that I’m good enough for you

Hoping I turn you on and 

You love me 

But I’ve yet to find someone to wipe the lint of this old book

I always thought it started with a simple look

A simple glance

Maybe even a touch of hands

But I’m too sinful for that

I’m too disgustingly attractive 

I just want to be loved 

Held down by the fact that you’ll never be any...

Fireball baby

I have a fire everlasting 
I smell the ashes in my nose and heat in my fingertips
The only way to get rid of it is through acids trips 
And all the water from the roses I was never given 

I stayed only in hopes of you giving me a flower or at least kissing me for an hour 
I hoped that you could give me a holy sense of love cause I didn’t want God to smell saliva and sin on me
I wanted a family that actually to me
I wanted a lover who held tight enough to stop my ability to cry
But know all I can see is the flames that have yet to die

Who am I?
A good ****?
Eye candy?
Good luck?
A fire that keeps you warm when others make you tired?
Did I burn you?
Is that why you threw me away?
Did I hurt you?
Is that why you won’t look my way?

I’ve been eaten
Not in a sexual way
But in a manner in...

Everbless

This news years, I don’t want my innocence to be taken away for a good orgasm 
Or even bless someone with my everblessed luckful love
I want someone to caress instead of undress
I need to take my own mental virginity of what love is and pop that cherry 
I need to learn how to be a woman without spreading thighs or wearing Chanel number five

Laid

I never liked cab rides or even the people driving me there
It’s fair to say that you drive me places
Tight yet open spaces 
I like this idea of sweet patience 
Even though I’m used to rough sensations and the way sensitivity taste
It’s a different pace

I can feel my steel back that was once sour patch blue turn to the reddest hue when I think of you
It’s like the first lick of a blow pop after tasting tears and sweat from the mistakes I regret 
I have to admit this tastes pretty sweet 
It’s my first time tasting someone without them eating me
I like the way you speak
Lightly
It’s lightning 
You’re probably a lightweight in dealing with damaged goods
But I’m willing to let you stretch me and and fix my screws
I liked being used
Even though you might disagree and see this as taboo
I w...

Cyan

I’m a girl conditioned blue

I devour love similarly to how humans devour the sea

And all my lovers attempted to devour me

I’m sweeter than sour candy

But my smudged eyeliner and lipstick says things like “she drinks black coffee and butter tea”

Blue is one of my favorite colors

It’s always been my favorite color to hide the scars

And the bright stars within me

I’ve hidden behind royal, periwinkle 

And even denim my whole life 

Hoping to see what oceans hide inside before anyone can pollute me and misuse me and take all the little fishes that resemble the butterflies in my stomach when I’m shy

I often wear an oversized blue acid washed jacket

That still has a linger of bleach in the fragrance 

I hate it

But it disguise the smell of my blue Victoria Secre...

Waters

I’ve been edging lately 
I’m not diamond enough so I apply pressure 
I’m unique without measure
Close to orgasm but not too far from simple pleasures
The fire in my loins is now a small spark put to sleep my flood

I call you my flood because you’re cool
You seemed to destroy my walls with water and rocks you brought with you from other lovers
You snuck in each little crack with sweet waters and found me behind the secret house
I have to admit I felt stimulation after my heat was dosed 

You still smell like a perfume of blue bottles and Versace
An ocean that eats men
Tastes of fine restaurants in Maine 
Hold sounds of the time we watched the little mermaid 
Sebastian and all
You vibrate in a wave pattern every time I feel your pearls
Oh what a flooded
Sweetly flooded girl

When a heart finally cries

I cry because I haven’t cried in a while 
Cause I’m insecure 
Cause I’ve never found someone to stick to my hip
I’ve never had someone kiss my lips in a way that wasn’t primarily for bliss
I guess this is why I cry

I just wanted someone to be proud and tell me my weight isn’t to loud
Or that they’ll follow me around 
And honestly I follow them back
I wonder if God created people like me to lessen the pain of those who’re free
To lessen the pain of girls with dimples and have fathers who ask them when they’re coming home
To lessen the pain of the boys whose girlfriends make them whole
To take my soul to fill the holes

A woman walking down the street once said “smile pretty woman, you’re to beautiful to frown”
But I wore makeup that day and she was old, her view of beauty wa...