The choice to stop was mine.
The addiction itself was a different story.
Doctors don't write prescriptions for this kind of stuff.
The cold sweats associated with anger.
The beginning is the hardest part.
Admitting temptation.
I was addicted.
The situation had ended but I kept obsessing.
Knowingly risking health.
The way you feel, the way you taste.
I couldn't afford to lose you as well as myself in the process.
Properly insuring another substance for another.
The cost of Medicare.
It was my decision, my choice.
Your voice a constant peer pressure of finding bliss.
If only for a minute.
At some point I ignored my own voice.
Reaching for you again.
I acknowledge that it was my responsibility.
Blaming everything around me, even you.
In this brief moment, common sense wasn't so common.
Not anymore.
Forgetting that actions have consequences.
For every second I ignore you.
You whine, you cry.
Becoming my chronic illness.
The enabler to what ever complaint.
It's hard to quit.
Finding every excuse except the right one.
She was the highway.
I was the traveler.
Weary in search of exit.
This road becoming longer and longer.
The lights becoming more and more distant.
Each exit in-between stops having fewer establishments.
Additional signs appearing with more temptation.
The cold sweats are back, this anxiousness to reach for something that I know isn't there.
This addiction to hold you, crave you, taste you.
This urge to love you as much as I did.
This persistent itch that I can't live without you.
Doctors don't write prescriptions for this kind of stuff.
The warning labels causing more harm than good.
Reminiscing on times that I shouldn't.
The choice to stop was mine.
To love someone that doesn't love you back
Kewayne Wadley
 25000 3
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Not Anymore
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just different
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OTHER POEMS WRITTEN BY Kewayne Wadley
UnseenFor years I had been a victim of abuse & didn’t know it. It hit me today when I sat back and listened to a friend vent to me About what was going on in their world. To hear the frustration, the change of tone, how restricted their Behavior has become. It’s so quick to deny or put something on the back burner when it’s Not you, nonetheless society. Social media. The movies & shows that we take in on a daily basis. The gender equalities we all face at some point or another. But when it comes to men everything becomes one sided. It’s a lot of things that’s being swept under the rug, Especially when it comes to insecurities. No one is exempt. It’s so quick to deny or put something on the back burner when it’s Not you, nonetheless society. We sometimes go the extra mile to help the ones we love, But ultimately, both lines are crossed. Blurring the lines Of responsibility & ultimatums are given. When that time approaches. ...  |
Velcro Teddy BearShe opened up my back & stuffed me with things like Affection and reassurance. The value of things often taken For granted. Things I am reminded of every time She hugs me & squeezes me tight. She opened up my back and gave me Things I cannot forget. The fights, the small disagreements That made her feel alone. All of the things she told me while We were alone, how she felt How tight she’d hold me before Falling fast asleep without notice. Her secret hiding place at the foot of The bed, Revealing a side of me I didn’t know Existed. With every snatch of Velcro My heart grew. Weighted full of words I couldn’t Begin to express. Every time she walked in the room I lit up & smiled, Ears standing straight up. If she squeezed hard enough All of that weight shifted & all the words I couldn’t say Sums themselves up, I love you |
Guest HouseI still miss you. Sometimes I wonder if you miss me As much as I dream that you do. If I am even a second thought, if you miss Anything about me period. I don’t think I’ve ever squeezed you as tight as I do than when I dream. When I am sleep, everything feels real. The feel of your skin. The way the small of your back raises When you breathe. Your hair a mess, barely holding on to the pillow. Apparently dreams are the guest house to prayers. Missing you hurts like hell, lying awake In angst, not being able to enjoy the moment In full. I don’t think I’ve ever squeezed you as tight as I do than when I dream, Your head in the cease of my arm. I am not ready to wake up yet, I am not ready for you to go. Not ready for you to disappear. When I dream, Every word we say is silent & your heart beats next to mine. You snuggle up close to me & Everything in you just releases. Just let me sleep a while longer, I still feel safe when youâ€â... |
Reserved Seat
I rolled my affection into the shape Of a $100 bill and left it as a tip Separated from everything else on the table. However sooner later you find it This too will become a memory However accepting or filled with compassion My absence in the peak of your happiness. I'll return again and again & you'll never notice my face. If anyone asks to why, I'll reply In silence |
No Full Moon Blues For Slow-Hand Willi WashingtonThere's no full moon tonight baby.
That ole train is steadily rolling on by
Rolling on into the night.
When I watched the news tonight baby
they promised me my moon
would be full.
No sign of rain, clear skies all night long.
That's what they said.
Where in the world am I suppose to go
On a night like this.
Knowing my moon ain't full.
Packed it's bags and gone.
Gone away at least for the night.
One last glimpse before your gone for good.
That ole train steadily rolling on by baby.
Nothing but storm clouds and the smell of rain
Done packed your bag and gone away.
My sky never been this empty.
Half dark twinkles and rain rolling down my window.
There's no full moon tonight baby
Done packed your bag and gone.
Gone away
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Almond JoyThe last time we met.
You stood in front of me wearing those almond eyes
that I love so much.
Not once did I hesitate
Developing a taste for almonds.
The taste of something new in the mystique of fascination.
I did not realize my love for almonds
until the initial taste.
Finding how deletable they are,
The everlasting crunch of an almond.
A unique taste swirled around my mouth
covered in milk chocolate.
Although you have gone, I have remained faithful in your absence.
Recognizing your wrapper by name
Remembering the first crunch I realized I was in love
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Jaywalking (Look Both Ways)And when I see you
My heart skips a beat,
Walking out into the middle of the street
Without regard to the cars
darting through the intersection.
Some raising their fingers,
Others intentionally driving faster.
Remembering a time,
Remembering a place that
you were everything I needed.
Everything I could have wanted.
And when I see you
My heart so badly wants to
relive those moments.
Stepping one foot in front of the other.
Dodging near miss
After near miss.
Knowing that deep down
I'll end up getting hit
For not letting go
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Couldn't WaitIf clothes could speak
You'd be the fragrance
They'd wear.
A kiss to remind them that they too, are alive.
Welcoming you with open lips
& arms.
If clothes could speak
They'd be fluent in speaking you.
Touching you in a way that you don't touch yourself,
Knowing the chance may never
Come again.
They'd reveal to you, that you were the one
They couldn't wait to uncover |
PizzeriaWhen love arrives,
It arrives only to leave again.
Coming back to another again.
Another time,
Another arrival.
The same streets once laughed and grinned in.
When love arrives,
It arrives as that familiar face
Strolling down the street without a care in the world.
A personality in the wind mutual to which steps to take.
When love arrives,
It arrives with a certain taste.
The first slice of readily made pizza.
Made hot, fresh.
Pepperonis covered in cheese.
Knowing it's favorite place, love.
It's soon to leave until the urge returns.
The pizzeria tucked in the corner.
The pizzeria no one knows about.
The pizzeria that can be found in each and every city.
When love arrives no matter how ma... |
Number Your Trying To CallI fear the day I call
and hear
the "number you're trying to call"
message.
Your voice a sense of comfort
when home seems so far.
The freedom you enable when
theres no way to control the excitement
of hearing your voice.
Knowing that your just a call away.
Your voice
a prescription cough syrup
and I behave as such.
Smiling as soon as I hear it.
Knowing that soon I'll feel much better.
Only you can give me this feeling
Only you can cause such devastation
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