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I roamed the green pastures and even slept on the dead ones
Told myself that if I did not get it right this go around I will walk away from everything
Stared into the mirror and pointed out all of my flaws and imperfections while calling out the aging that was occurring right before my eyes
I saw reality, and it saw me
It came to me in many faces
Even during the times when I thought that I was doing right and thought that my life was going well
Not once did it show me its true intentions until I found myself laying in an empty apartment on a bare floor covered with a comforter
But still there was no lesson that could break me
Reality was still my enemy and there was no changing that
There were no sorry’s and sincere words that were able to fill the void that I had in my heart
That faith that I wanted and needed to have was all but gone
There was nothing that I could tell this man when I finally stood in his face
To him I had it all yet to me I didn’t have a thing but the clothes on my back a comforter and two duffle bags
You see reality will never tell you that you cannot put all of your trust in another
It will just let you figure things out while you hope that you survive long enough to see another year
Reality had it all and it had every intentions of seeing me fail
Reality was known as my brother and also my friend
When I was at my worse I still attempted to give my very best
There was nothing that I would do
I would even offer the skin off my bones, how many people would do that?
Abuse the heart and mind of one sinner who is willing to give it all just to protect another is a rare occurrence in a world full of lier’s and cheaters
That underlying intention that gritty taste that you get when you have eaten something that has lasted far longer then it was meant too was never apparent at the base or the rear of the tongue
And while the end was pounding on my back door my ears were being filled with false hopes and dreams
These same damn lies that dampened my hopes and dreams
And watered down my confidence until it no longer tasted like sweet tea but tainted water that even a priest could not purify well enough to baptize my unholy flesh even if he wanted too
Those type of lies that could cause me to jump into the wind just to find out in the end that my body was far too heavy and my number was headed towards me in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 seconds
That moment when I looked into the mirror and watched my eyes darken as I lowered myself into my customized bed.
Covered my box with photographs of what was and auto tapes of all of the things that I though was true
It never occurred to me that I had died right before my eyes until my body started to break down
I had lost control of everything
My mind was gone, thrown into infinity
These hands had walked away from me for the last time and swore me down that they will never come back again
I cried in silence as my world came crashing down and there was no one around but reality
And it was because no one cared
It was because in order for me to make it I would have to take what was mine and put my foot on its throat and beat the hell out of it
And admit that I betrayed myself
Stand in front of that boy as a man and tell him that he did not need approval to be anything more than himself
And that false prophets are just as real as the enemies who pretend to be your friend
Reality was my friend
Reality was my brother, my sister, my cousin, and possibly my lover
But now… it is my enemy
