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During our most difficult times, I felt fed up and seemed tired of the unnecessary frustration; I didn't need provoking in my life.
I'm comfortable around my man, more easygoing at times and trust his loyalty with my life without doubts.
He's my honey; he's my man, so unique and complete at times.
He takes me through change of mind and at times he irritates the hell out of me.
At times, he continues to push me to the point of asking myself, "Why I'm still here?"
And
A part of my devotion can't take it anymore.
I deal with his senseless ways because I love him and I know deep in my heart I have one of God's very best.
Everyday living and waking up observing his multiple styles, which show his impressive maturity, his neatness, his intelligence as a man, his full richness in the mind, the loyalty in his spirit, the compassion from his heart that traveled through the good in me.
The touch of his hands worked so damn well and the terrific moves from his body to mine created the images of sparkles that shined beautiful within my soul.
Multiple characters lived within one man's mind and body.
At times, I'm not sure who I'm interacting with during our conversations; therefore, I paid close attention to his styles and ways.
His styles are equipped, clever, genius, vigorous, fabulous and livable.
His other ways are doubtful, senseless, weird, jealous of his woman's styles and livelihood ~ that we built together - he's argumentative in a calm way over nonsense after having a pleasurable time, and a pain in the @*! at times on the low-key and behind close doors.
I'm a woman of emotions, who treat her man with loyalty and serve his needs in a timely manner.
I honor my man,
And
I'm too damn faithful, honest and committed.
I deserve his goodness at all times and work at my best to feel continuous relief from him.
What I get from it all ~ a tremendous headache, his multiple disturbances, his polite annoyances ~ I can no longer tolerate and I'm just sick of it all.
Expressing and confiding to him about how he makes me feel, when he constantly generates nonsense between us, and how his frustrating ways are directing me to an emotional change at times.
He listened and followed through with adjustments during our shared times.
Then he goes back repeats the same frustrating and foolish ways.
Working at my best and all that I know to hold on to my man and come to find out, no matter how much I try, a part of him continues to be senseless.
I allowed my love for him and the sight of him to move great distances from my everyday thoughts while living.
I no longer cared to feel the good qualities in him nor the touch of his romantic moments.
I spent many quiet comfortable moments alone at Microtel Suites near the airport. Just sitting back and thinking to myself, "I deserve relaxation, continuous understanding in my life, and for my honey to use his tools of effortness to keep us grounded, and structured at all times during our relationship."
I experienced a higher wake-up call. I now understand -
One night on my way to work, after accepting too much of his foolish remarks and unnecessary annoyance. I took a deep inhale and released all the discomfort and unhealthy mental stress through the air, praying that no one breathe in the negativity.
I asked God to send me a complete well-balanced mature man who has his nourishment together without experiencing a tortuous life and not wasting his good abilities nor his energy on nonsense.
Reality made it happen in one second.
I had no idea and still don't know 'til this day where this man came from?
I didn't see it coming nor did I notice his arrival.
He was 6'4, medium size, clean-cut, handsome brown skinned man who sat next to me.
All I knew
I turned my head right, noticed him sitting next to me; it felt, as if he was in my presence for a purpose.
A friendly conversation between the two of us, led to information exchanges.
I patiently waited on what was about to start, a new beginning for he and I, and the reward was worth the experience.
I expressed my feelings and thoughts to my honey. Letting him know "I decided to share a new transformation with another man."
Words that didn't come to me so easily, which felt like a hard swallow; an aching feeling after not being able to unlock his arms from my body.
It felt different being without him. I even had my last cry, back to back.
I fell in the arms of another man ~
I shared my gift with this new man. As time passed, our hours shared together were pleasing conversational moments.
We took many walks with the intentions of being straightforward between us.
And
We just let the sweetness in our relationship show.
Gosh did it; flow!
Being with him felt surrounded by meditation, it felt vacational and laid-back with no chance of me leaving.
Water couldn't put this flame out nor the strongest wind.
I had the world back once again. I felt the richest pleasure.
I had the world, but the wrong man in it.
His sweet ways felt like my honey's generosity.
The first time I made love to this man, it was sensational and during our entire time of sharing intimacy together, the beauty of his experience felt like my honey's energy, he even had the image of my honey's face.
A flashback between my honey and I was starting to come clear at that moment with me. The thought of my honey locking on to me with a look of emotional state of loss - I realized this is not the solution.
What have I done?
I love my honey. He's the one I need. He's the air I breathe that kept my flow feeling smooth at times and there could never be another like him.
I prayed and asked God to bless me with a stronger tolerance, move words of healing through me, teach me how to redirect my frustration and my honey's foolishness with the touch of blessings willed within me.
I love him and I wish not to live without him.
We have built towers of hearts. choices of sureness. meanings that served us well, memories of emotional times which kept us together, and the greatest faith will fortify the goodness within us.
I always had confidence and trust in my honey and that's enough for me to feel at ease.
I promise not to leave his side again in such a cruel way.
I walked out of the new man's life; I believed reality lessoned me to meet.
I defined my love for my honey to him and explained to him that this relationship between him and me must end.
I cried because my awareness and strength of will decided better for my life and kept me lifted and built up my way of thinking.
My honey forgave me. He asked me to forgive him as well for taking me through hell and apologized for such stress he caused me.
My honey said to me, "You will always be the love within my heart; the sensibility of my will had directed me to release all that we shared and ease every part of your frustration caused by me. I promise to meet you again, showing tremendous satisfaction."
Being his woman was like giving life - I couldn't stop crying.
Sabrina Williams
Chris
