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You are so strong
My mother
My sister
The only solid person in my young life
You
Were only two years older than me
But had gained so much knowledge through motherhood
Because you raised 3 kids
Before you had your own
And we were not your children
But it felt like it
Every morning we asked you for burnt, greasy pancakes
And hotdogs, cut up into tiny pieces and thrown into some oodles of noodles
Pork n beans, peanut butter & jelly sandwiches
Our own personal Chef-Boyar- DEE
I tried to be like you when we were younger
Wore your clothes, and talked like you
Secretly listened to your teenaged confessions
And I was the annoying little sister
I played the role well
And you couldn’t stand me
As any older sister wouldn’t
I was mischievous
I read your diary
I never told you
I’m sorry
But I wanted to be you so bad
I watched you in the mirror most mornings
Pretty face, sandy brown hair, tall and beautiful
And that side ponytail
I tried to mimic it
But my hair wasn’t as thick as yours
You hide pain well
I think that I learned that from you
You are ambitious, and determined, tedious and resilient
Sometimes you care too much what people think
But not to a fault
Because when you’re pissed
Sh*t we all know ….
You are my best friend
And such a kind soul
Riddled with secrets of such pain
Sometimes a fortress full
Or maybe even a mountain
At times I wish that I could take the pain away
And give you something non-toxic to comfort you
But you keep moving
You inspire me
Finding ways out of no way
Fighting for your children to become more than we ever were
And,
Teaching me to be a woman that can stand firmly on her own two feet
Thank you
Just for being you
And caring
Even when you think that you didn’t know how to
For loving me
Even when you had no clue that I was broken
And in pain
I could always come to you
Even when you made fun of me
You remained
You were always nearby
And to you big sister
I owe my life
I love you
