I Remembered

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He said I was 

fat, sloppy, ugly, nappy, and nowhere near sexy 

No matter how Much I say I don’t care,   

Those words hurt, made me lower my head 

I lost some of that sass in my walk  

I went home alone 

Striped down  

looked in the mirror naked and looked at it all

Wondering if how I seen myself was wrong 

I taught myself to see the beauty in my flaws, my scars 

Now I was seeing the flaws, and scars, the stretch marks and curves the way that man saw me a man that meant nothing to me 

I was ready to cover instead of accentuate  

sad at first..tears & my confidence falling 

Then I remembered 

I raised rmy head 

smiling 

Wiping the tears 

I remembered  

All the s, the men, the young boys and even es and women.. 

Always chasing me, wanting me 

I remember my mother and other women in my family saying  

“You look so much better thick than when you were skinny”

Then I remembered 

I’m a thick size 16 queen... 

I raised my head higher than before  

I remembered  

I have a thick little queen I’m raising, 

It’s my responsibility to show her she’s a queen she’s beautiful.. 

No matter the size of her jeans 

After that day 

I stayed naked for damn near a week.. 

Making myself look in the mirror.. 

Take time to admire me.. 

I remembered me

That was wrong about me.. 

That was lie!  

That must of been mad.. 

  I remember now... 

Years ago that same tried to holla at me 

I remembered... 

That petty was in his feelings!  

I remember he wanted me, he asked me out  

I remember now, I turned him down

I killed his dream of being with this thick ugly nappy headed queen!  

He was mad because he couldn’t have me

I remembered  

I no one defines me  

I have my own definition of beauty  

I remembered  

Never to let anyone’s opinion change the love I have for me 

I remembered  

My confidence, my strength, my self worth, my identity, the undeniable truth in the knowledge that I am a Big Beautiful Queen..