At times this long letter I want to write...Expressing the lows you make me feel especially at night....The warmth of my tears make my skin light...Each night after my prayers are said...Actions of our day play in my head...The things you said...Inside make me feel dead...With no last breath to take I lay thinking about whats ahead...Today you said I know enough already about you...With me what are you trying to pursue...Will it be only to benefit your whole...You always have this full control...But why cant I let go with all you show...Sometimes to painful to write so the dice of life I roll...waiting patiently to see your next goal...To hurt me with words that burn like coal...My heart will never be the same after destroy my soul
minayaJ
 18200
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Why do I stay...
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life
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Cbrian2007 says: Perfect title and nice read |
OTHER POEMS WRITTEN BY minayaJ
Thoughts PartI broke down earlier today Tears escaping the sadness it had to portray Pain I had to release Needed my mind to feel at peace No one noticed as my head was low The tears and sniffles I couldn't control My mind was the center of the show. Thoughts streaming like flashing news Couldn't select the topic to amuse As there were too many to choose These are thoughts, though I can not refuse. Siting still and weeping in my lonely corner I couldn't put the thoughts in order My mind was still the main performer.  |
Family BoundariesFamily Boundaries Invade your space My whole life they want to retrace Without a pencil or pen Harsh words at a slow pace Old patterns must be broken Distress words spoken Instead of support they rain on my parade Try to instill fear in me to feel afraid Now I doubt all my decisions with all they've displayed Family Boundaries seems like I've been surveyed In this closed knit intervention only to be played My thoughts and ideas are left lost in the shade |
Make it rightRight now I'm the new talk of the town Don't know if it's because I am a caramel complexion or light-skinned brown Nonetheless don't care what they say I am an afro, Latina. This grill on my face every day appears meaner. Guards up set solid with high vibes and strong demeanor Got my eyes on the lady with the luscious lips to get in between her. Having her whisper-sweet elegance in my ear sounds like a silent purr No backseat of my jeep lady to swing episode have my chauffeur Folks always going to speak about you in ebonics when they don't know your politics. Throw your name in the mix I dodge their words shooting bricks and sticks to cause conflicts keeping my name out of their lips |
Mind TrapThoughts in my mind roam around like stray cats under street lamps... Purring their way into my mind like black cats hypnotizing the hungry vamps... Dry mouth tries to speak on these thoughts, instead I find myself shooting blanks... Silent films where emotions are expressed loudly with actions but the pain in the heart feels like its been stabbed multiple times with homemade shanks... Writing instrument at my tips to leave thoughts imprinted on paper like time stamps... Every collapsing thought crumbles into a relapse... To track where my thoughts crack with endless gaps... I fall into traps the mind plays even trying to escape with road maps... |
New DaysMental health be fought daily is serious Days go by so well then i begin to feel delirious Pray to God for guidance in angles I become furious Not getting answers from up above I'm loosing control of this Do I sound ridiculous? How do these feelings emerge from one day to the next Start reaching out to loved ones for guidance my phones is filled up with text. No one understands whats the cause and effect How thoughts appear to multiple in my mind like a pop up test Only hope for the best Continue to pray daily to release this pain out my chest. |
How to healIs there something to calm the trauma of an inner child... As adults we live our life trying to hide behind a smile. Different chapters in our life get put away into a file. But the drama and pain continue to pile. You seek help here and there through meditation written thoughts and even and even people that care. Still in the end your mind continues to roll in a snowball effect creating despair. Sometimes I feel like giving up not caring who I hurt while hold this empty cup. A cup that shows me my blank reflection. All because my heart needs true affection. Is there True or False affection? Or is it that the heart just shuts itself down and wants to hide forever in protection. All I ever want to do is feel a quote un-quote connection. So my tears can dry up and my facial expression can turn in a positive direction. |
American DreamThe media makes every easily amused person fall into ridiculous. Lazy Americans stay at home waiting on their stimulus. Checks getting printed as the ink gets tinted and couch potatoes get their mind twisted. Passing help wanted signs on their way home seems limitless. Live day by present day to future waiting on their success. Complain to family and friends on their daily stress. The American Dream as outside countries live on a guess. Ready to put their interest like lighting a cigarette. Why do some of us express so heavily each day to be blessed. As others turn to a quest by hitting the streets for different reasons to protest. Life as we know it keeps getting depressed. Positivity is in a few of us that stay on the spiritual a quest. Challenges are thrown like a pop quiz before drowning into the big test. Either stand still or head east or west and begin your progress. |
Now SeekingI stay awake Legs dont stop the shake Heartaches Venting like earth quakes The heart feels the stake I stay awake and try to fake Waiting for day to break Slamming on my worn out brakes Learning from all my mistakes Instead of wisecracks, giving wise takes Taking the time, for our hearts to heal & wake Life's a gamble, its all a risk, yet we dare tempt fate Life's never ending path, travels better with a life mate |
Tangled thoughtsTo fight to race to beat your mind and it's wild thoughts Is like feeling like your mind has been double crossed With events that appear out of nowhere without any caution signs You feel like your life is nearing it last line But when something isn't enough as the sound of windchimes Noises in your mind that sound like crystalized enzymes When you want the world to stop for a quick briefing While you try to gather life an its entirity while your weeping Your mind is at a pace that sleep has become displeasing The eyes you used to close to rest are now weeping
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Quiet MomentsAs you always slot me into postponement Time goes by and it is usually quiet moments As the person I always want to speak with is you Although you choose to ignore me like a park statue You always seem too busy to speak to me I thought we were like two peas in a pod but we are no unfortunately It hurts to know that social media interest you more than me Sometime I want to converse and stop reapeating to you the same verse There will come a time when you want to converse Hopefully it won't be too late and I'm laid up in a hearse How much more of this lack of attention if you understand my comprehension We don't even have deep convos on third dimensions I feel lonely in this relationship convention Looking back at the time that has gone by in such a blink And the equipment I use to write hasn't dried up it's ink |