The way i hide my shame is the same,
with alcohol and pills to numb the pain.
I feel like I'm plummeting down this hole
Feeling like I'm tearing, slowly losing my soul.
I stay calm and cool on the exterior,
On the inside i feel weak and inferior.
Self-esteem is what you make it,
No outside force should be able to shake it.
This is by no means a letter of blame,
Nor is it an attempt to earn any measure of fame.
This is a simple explanation for what i do,
Not to be confused with a huge "*** you".
I hold no malice for any before,
The mistakes are mine and something i bore.
The choices i made brought me to this place,
No measure of repentance can displace
The sins I've committed and the things i've done,
But hell, i could name them all just for fun.
Doesn't mean that i can justify them,
I should still be locked away in an asylum.
But my insanity is just a cross i bear,
Not something for another to despair.
One day I'll be that happy,
Smile and say everything oh so sappy.