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It started with the passing of someone who was close to you.
They said that they'd never leave.
That they'd never cause harm to you.
So you think ,
"Here I am hurting because you've left me.
Why didn't you stay with me?
You should have fought harder.
Weren't you the one who said ,
I'll always be there to watch her.'"
You never found the closure that you had preferred.
So you cursed their name without a spoken word.
So you cursed their name because you loved them.
So you cursed their name because you miss them.
But you can't accept that their gone.
You can't handle that their gone.
You don't think anything will ease that feeling ever again.
You'll never feel the same for anyone ever again
Weapons of self hate you now posses.
Another layer for your defenses of solitude.
Depreciation is now part of your arsenal.
You don't want any one close again so now no
one would ever place you on a pedestal.
But you need help and you try to find.
But the only thing you realize is that you are alone.
For everyone who was there to stay you've pushed away.
So now no one will hug you
And the only comfort you find is on the poster board of a homeless man that reads,
" Jesus loves you."
So you scream but no one hears you.
They can't even feel you.
Worse you can't feel them.You've become numb.
It's as if everything is gone.
The feelings inside especially.
Its as if you have an internal vacancy.
What you attempt to fill the void with is pointless its just silly memories.
You also try the drinks but that only brings the pain out when you black out.
Now you are the ridicule of your peers.
They see how broken you are ,
you are not the image of composure they pictured at the start.
So now they draw conclusions and say that you are useless
Not knowing that a couple words of encouragement would've served as
the adhesive to get your life together,
that simple warm words would've helped you get through this.
But that doesn't happen.
So now your stuck in a self made rapture,
and....You think for a moment , why do I condone this?
What has my life become ?
Why can't my story just be done.
But now matters only get worse.
You can't figure out how to make it go away you just know that it hurts.
You miss them.
Oh how you miss them.
You've stayed up long nights crying because you can't be without them.
So you try some other things,
take some sedatives to dream.
Try some thousand milligram pills whose non medical name is "oxies".
Now the feeling is "they can't stop me."
But the pain killers don't work.
They are stopping your heart from beating .
They are killing you.
You think that your cure lies in the medicinal.
So you continue to self prescribe as you dry your lips
you attempt to dry your eyes in hopes that it will all subside.
" Why did you go? I hate being alone."
But your questions can't be answered.
Time continues to elapse.
The damage is close to unrepairable
You can't even stand to look at you.
So you look at a picture of him.
Now tears run for ever more.
No ceasing your crying.
No ceasing in denying you've been wrong.
You scream!
"In my rush to meet you.
I forget what I meant to you.
Oh dear God how could I be so Selfish
not to see what he meant for me?
Love how I miss you!
Why did you have to save me?
You died for me.
The least I could have done is live for you."
